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[–]Commercial_Habit_923 39 points40 points41 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Ive also struggled with this a lot in the past.
I’m by no means an expert. But in the last year I’ve met 8 women from online dating.
I kissed everyone Of them that I wanted to kiss 6/8. So I’d say if your on a date with someone, attraction is established and chances are she wants to kiss you. Of course not 100% but someone has to make the move and it’s not going to be the girl.
I would never ask do you want to have sex, unless your already kissing, in each other’s pants, etc. I feel like the verbalization of it just makes a bit awkward or unnatural you know? So escalate from kiss to make out to foreplay to sex. And ask consent sometime after make out
[–]SnooRegrets2925 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Can you share some tips about kissing a woman that you are on a date? Like what are the signs she is ready, or what to say before you kiss her, etc
I’m not good getting the hint or when I should do it and then after I get home I really regret not going for it.
[–]Commercial_Habit_923 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Been there haha.
Best advise I can give is, Just do it.
That's it. Just do it. If you don't then you'll go home regretting it, so just make the move at some point. I'd much rather get blown off than have not gone for it. Some moments are better than others (prolonged eye contact), but really it doesn't matter if she likes you. You have to understand that she probably WANTS you to kiss her. Why else is she on a date with you? use this to boost your confidence.
You don't need to say anything, signs can be long eye contact, touches, etc. But just do it man
[–]saunchoshoes 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m gonna share my legit nightmare. So I’m not on the autism spectrum as far as I know but I have a related disorder. You say just go for it cuz you’re on a date and she wants to kiss you, right.
Apply that to my last “dating” situation. I thought it was a date but I guess I didn’t make it clear enough and the girl thought it was just as friends idk. I ended up taking her somewhere kind of far and we were in traffic. Sooo awkward. I just picked a place I liked cuz I wanted to seem confident. It was terrible. I hope I didn’t ruin that girl’s life or something or she’s not still scared of me or something. She probably thought she was gonna get killed or something multiple times who knows. I had no clue what I was doing. It makes me more than cringe. horrible feeling. I didn’t make any move expect maybe bumping into her or touching her arm when we were walking and talking. I for sure would have gotten blown off if I tried kissing her lolllll!!!! But anyways that was fuck... 6 years ago now and I still haven’t attempted anything with dating. Like it was so bad I traumatized myself ! Jesus. Is it legal to hire someone to kill you ?
[–]H8beingmale 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
what is your disorder or condition?
[–]spiderSlayerr 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Haha 😂
[–]saunchoshoes 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What’s so funny bitch ?
Obsessive compulsive disorder among other things but I think it’s the main one
[–]randomjamie 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course not 100% but someone has to make the move and it’s not going to be the girl.
Um, this girl totally will initiate when she chooses to do so :)
[–]johnbugara 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
tell them what you want and give them a chance to say ok. it's way less awkward then asking them
[–]Irrelephant_867 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As awkward as it might feel, it's actually respectful and a way of covering your ass.
If you explicitly state what you want to do and/or ask permission, there's little gray area when it comes to consent.
Better be awkward and get denied because it killed the mood, than to assume and end up with a sexual assault charge.
Besides, women (for the most part) are much more into the anticipation. If you're making out and tell her you want to make out with .. well, the rest of her, and she approves, then you delay the action, make her start to wonder when you're going to actually do the action, but instead you keep dragging it on, and on, and on, delaying and waiting, making out some more but not quite getting there, sort of like this paragraph where I've gotten to the point already but I'm still typing out letters to really emphasize the point of the point I'm trying to make, but I keep typing in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one has the chance to interrupt.
[–]MrBlack__ 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How many did yiu sleep with?
[–]Commercial_Habit_923 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just one, still working on that part of my game
[–]MrBlack__ 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Atleast you’re honest
[–]bogues04 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
You have to escalate things physically first. Very rarely will a girl just let you skip all the physical steps and go straight to sex. If you go out with a girl I recommend always sitting next to them not across from them. The first thing I usually do is kind make my leg touch there leg. If she doesn’t move her leg away and leaves our legs touching I move forward start touching with my hand usually on the back first than if she seems comfortable with that I will start touching her leg. The point is you have to kind read her but you want her to be comfortable with your touch. At this point if she seems receptive you can probably kiss her but some girls don’t like to kiss in public so keep this in mind too. The point being you do a bunch of small steps when you are escalating towards sex. The bigger the jump the more likely you will meet resistance. So I never ask them directly if they want to have sex if you escalate and do things properly it will happen. Often times they will ask you if you want to have sex if you get them turned on enough.
[–]BensonInFL4 points 4 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
The above should be the top answer, the KEY is slow but steady physical escalation and reading queues to make sure that they are happy and okay. I've never asked either, and girls have on several occasions, when discussing their previous experiences, have told me how completely un-attractive and off putting it is when guys ask them for consent.
Unless you're already dating a girl for months and she is 'planning' on making it out to be some special night where she finally sleeps with you... by and large, girls almost never PLAN to sleep with you early in the relationship or on a first meet. However, they are open to it if 'it just felt right', or 'it just happened'.. i.e. 'it was not planned'. It's your job to make that book romance fantasy come to life for her, even if you have to carefully plan every detail of it. By asking for consent to kiss, or hold hands or have sex.. or anything... you are very awkwardly putting the girl on the spot and making her responsible and accountable for her actions... you're essentially asking her to make the first move.....and it makes most girls feel very uncomfortable to do this... in most cases, the result will be that you moved from a 'maybe yes' to a 'definite no'.
-B
[–]bogues04 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen I have been told the same thing by girls. They say it shows a total lack of confidence when the guy asks. I never ask to kiss them or anything. When you get good enough and can read the signs you already know she wants to be kissed.
[–]Effective_Elk_4719 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It doesn't just happen. Men need to escalate physically 99% of the time.
[–]Bartsimp456 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup. If you don't escalate, nothing will happen.
[–]HaveBlue_2 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ask the question enough, and you'll come up with variations on how to communicate it.
"I didn't really come here for the party, want to go relax at my/your place?" - keep asking until one of them says 'yes.'
[–]froze_gold 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just tease, flirt, playfully touch and then eventually kiss. Usually leads right to sex.
[–]ClavasClub 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not autistic and far from it and all but my first sexual encounters were pretty much like that - ask girl to come over, do something intimate together (99% watch movie while cuddling) and after a bit of making out I just ask it, straight up like that. "Hey, wanna have sex?".
I'm very weary about the whole consent thing with girls and IMO it's retarded to think that asking a girl if they wanna have sex (provided you're in the appropriate place, like home, and not at some bar) is gonna blow your chances. If they came over and they're making out with you - they're into you, worst case scenario she says no and it's not because you weren't seductive enough, maybe she needs to trust you more because of bad past experiences or sex is way more emotional for the girl than you.
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The DiCarlo Kino Escalation ladder is a good guide for how to progress gradually in a way that gives her easy chances to stop you if she's not comfortable. Learn it, embrace it.
Also, there's nothing wrong with straight up asking. There are ways to do it confidently and even if it does come out awkwardly, a moment of awkwardness is a small price to pay for solid consent.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Alcohol
[–]marijuanatubesocks 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The problem is when I drink, I can’t get it up. It’s a sad thing that the thing that lowers inhibitions also thins our blood and causes ED.
[–]Osiris_Raphious 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes two people are attracted to each other. They start to flirt, maybe see and give off signals, maybe they are in the mood and both havnt had sex in a bit so the urge is there. One thing lead to another and boom, you are just kissing and taking clothes off.
I was living on a shared house, and a friend of a roomate comes around (turns out to be just a failed tinder match that became plutonic). But i saw how she looked at me, a stare that lingered a little too long, a compliment a little too out of the blue. So weeks later, when we all sat down to watch some bullshit on tv after a long night of doing shit on our own as a house, somehow everyone left for bed and it was just us two sitting there. We never really talked up until that point, so as she was sitting very close. I figured why not, so i just joked, gave her a little shoulder push, felt a strong but gentle resistance and so i just put my arm around her. she came in even closer, snuggling in, and as i looked into her eyes, i could see she had a desire for me physically, her eyes were just giving it away. So we sort of started to make out, then when thing got physical we went to my room and banged. She came around for more fun for a few months. Then we stopled, as she wanted to start seeing me and getting to knkw me, to a point where i could tell she wanted a relationship. But we never really talked, or got along beyond pure physical stuff.
Point is, it really just does happen, sometimes things just align well and it happens.
But...
You have to see the signs of attracfions and have to givd off signs too. Not talking about, its body language, its eye contact, its flirting, its getting in closer and getting physical contact established but not pushed. It has to feel easy and natural and not forced. Forcing things never works, well sometimes, like forcing yourself to do the right things, that works, but not forcing onto others.
[–]h0v3rb1k3s 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's more fun to say "let's get naked"
[–]irrelevantleech 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No let's save that for when we're selling real estate
[–]Canadian-Seductioner -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The penis goes in the vagina
[–]Samedislayer 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sex “just happens” to women, at least that’s how she should feel if you game it right. You are a man it is your job to lead the women into a positive emotional state around you. Also, show intention that your interactions are man to women, be subtle but un mistakenly flirting. If you chat to her like a friend, she will only ever be a friend. Show outright confidence, but never be pushy.
[–]H8beingmale 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yup, they say men have the burden of performance
[–]aterrifyingfish 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Im afraid asking that question won't work every time.
You're right, but it will work more often than you think, provided the woman you're asking is comfortable with and attracted to you. If you're in a private place with a girl who is attracted and comfortable with you, you turn to her and just blatantly say "Hey do you want to have sex?", you'd probably be successful most of the time. Women like sex, after all.
The trick is finding someone who is comfortable with, and attracted to you, and being able to recognize those things. That only comes with becoming socially competent and putting yourself out there enough.
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[–]Commercial_Habit_923 39 points40 points41 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]SnooRegrets2925 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Commercial_Habit_923 6 points7 points8 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]saunchoshoes 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]H8beingmale 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]spiderSlayerr 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]saunchoshoes 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]saunchoshoes 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]randomjamie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]johnbugara 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Irrelephant_867 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrBlack__ 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Commercial_Habit_923 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MrBlack__ 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bogues04 18 points19 points20 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]BensonInFL4 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]bogues04 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Effective_Elk_4719 8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Bartsimp456 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HaveBlue_2 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]froze_gold 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ClavasClub 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]marijuanatubesocks 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Osiris_Raphious 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]h0v3rb1k3s 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]irrelevantleech 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]irrelevantleech 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Canadian-Seductioner -5 points-4 points-3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Samedislayer 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]H8beingmale 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]aterrifyingfish 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link