Gay men are interested in me, but women aren't?

ImNotMe314 · 2022-01-30T10:45:59+00:00

You know, a gay guy once told me something. If gay men are hitting on you, you’re good looking, and shouldn’t have issues getting women.

It’s all about socializing. Women love guys who are charming and interesting. You’ll have to get more experience in this aspect, but it’ll eventually come to you. This is coming from a guy who was very socially awkward in high school and college. Attractive women would show interest in me, but I would blow it by acting like her brother.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-01-30T15:19:59+00:00

Are you approaching women? They're not going to come to you.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2022-01-30T11:30:46+00:00

It just means you are good looking but that is absolutely not the main criteria for women selecting sexual partners. All throughout history women have been attracted to high quality men and most importantly to men who feel they are quality men.

Guys complain about chicks dating assholes and jerks, but I bet you those assholes and jerks never go home and cry about how they are not good enough or how they are a loser. Jerks tend to really like themselves and feel good about themselves. This is the only advantage someone who is tall and well built or a jock have over you. They have something that society values and this society permits them to feel good and confident about themselves. That's what makes them attractive to women.

Now your story about going on photofeeler and talking about how successful you are career wise tells me that you feel very unsure of yourself. You are looking for other to validate you. It ain't gonna happen. When you give others the power to validate you, conversely you give them the power to invalidate you.

The only way to overcome this is to start liking yourself just as you are. Accept yourself. If there is some aspect of your personality that you dislike and can change, then go ahead and change it. If you can't change it, feature it. The more you hide what you perceive to be your flaws, the more power they have over you. If you put them out in the open, they lose their power over you.

I'm not going to kid you though. Women will not feel attracted to a neurotic, insecure man who believes he is not enough. So when I say accept yourself, I don't mean saying "well I'm a loser who is not good enough so I accept that". Accepting yourself means being okay with yourself, not punishing yourself for whatever unrealistic expectations you have of yourself. Be your own best friend, love yourself and respect yourself.

When you arrive at that point, you will see yourself as complete, as not having anything left to prove and no one to impress. At that point, you will become attractive to the majority of women out there.

EscapeVelocity83 · 2022-01-30T11:12:19+00:00

It's okay man ! Never give up socializing with people.

EscapeVelocity83 · 2022-01-30T17:41:55+00:00

Gay men like good looking men. Women like money. Make bank, buy expensive stuff (sport cars etc) and women will flock to you

Crafty_Mycologist_49 · 2022-01-30T13:59:37+00:00

If gay men like you you are definitely attractive I too would say I’m on the spectrum so socializing is very processed. I literally don’t feel like other people feel. i look at your cues and notice shit. I’m working on it my point is women are emotional. They aren’t logical. My guess is you are probably still in your head a lot when talking to them/stay logical/don’t elicit emotions but at the same time you probably aren’t sexual enough too:

WhiteningMcClean · 2022-01-30T17:04:05+00:00

You have to be incredibly attractive to get consistent attention from women without actively putting yourself out there. Gay men and women have slightly different preferences in men overall, but the biggest factor is that men just take initiative more often.

Also, even if you're objectively handsome, body language plays a huge part in attracting women. I'm not on the spectrum, but I do have severe ADHD. So despite being good looking, I often put women off with my body language and my general disposition. I imagine you're in a similar boat. It's not a death sentence, just something you might have to overcome. Women are attracted to guys who seem unbothered and comfortable in their surroundings.

shipsAreWeird123 · 2022-01-30T17:22:46+00:00

Women don't actively hit on or cold approach most men.

I think the disconnect here is that gay men are comfortable being the aggressor and women are less comfortable with that.

Good news is you're probably reasonably conventionally attractive, and you just need to get out of your comfort zone with approaching women.

Live-Ad-6309 · 2022-01-30T18:13:23+00:00

Gay men are just more open to expressing attraction than women are.

twistedtowel · 2022-01-30T17:47:45+00:00

I’m taking a complete guess here, and it might be worded incorrectly. But based on the stereotype of Men(masculine) being the pursuers and women (feminine) being the pursued… you could say its not about attraction but my guess would be you are not recognizing the asymmetric aspect of dating. Women (again i am generalizing from my standpoint), do not approach because 1) they don’t have to. They are more defensive and concerned with screening threats as they have plenty of romantic interest (again relative to men and generalizing) but also have disingenuous interest. So they will be less forward then men (which is what you are seeing men being more forward in interest compared to women). Also you may be accidentally giving off threatening vibes to women by accident furthering the women showing less interest aspect. I doubt you are aggressive but if you are awkward (i find i have awkward moments) you can set off “something is different” signals in women. I think you are already working on this aspect by studying social skills. Its being comfortable (reducing anxiety), and improving social skills based on the norms of society or whatever. But you can be funny (my approach), and that raises comfort in women and eases those signals. I’ve been thinking about this way too long during pandemic but im just leaning into it at this point for fun, i hope this helps?

quietdiablita · 2022-01-30T11:41:26+00:00

It’s not about what you are communicating. It’s about society encouraging men to be active when it comes to sex and relationships while encouraging women to be passive.

Women who are interested in you probably try to show their interest with subtle hints or plainly hide their interest, thinking it’s one-sided.

I don’t have much of advice, to be honest, just to not expect from women the same behavior as men.

what_it_do_bby · 2022-01-30T14:30:06+00:00

It usually means you’re good looking, happens to me all the time. Remember gay men are just dudes who like dudes so ofc they’re gonna “hit” on you.

Try taking initiative and talk to women, you’ll be alright. Take it as a compliment that gay men are hitting on you, cuz women are probably thinking the same they just don’t say it

Sup3rHD · 2022-01-30T11:51:50+00:00

Because women have a certain type of guy in mind. If u are not like her "type", she doesnt like u like that lol

RainbowChardonnay · 2022-01-30T17:15:46+00:00

You should just be gay

cronasminate · 2022-01-30T10:57:45+00:00

It's probably because you are paranoid of men being into you that you stare at other guys too much. You have ASD so it's likely you can't measure the correct amount of eye contact before someone considers it as interest. Hence, you end up staring at other dudes and they think you are giving them IOIs.

skatinislife446 · 2022-01-30T14:59:03+00:00

This is a good thing. Happens to me too. I take it as a compliment since men are way more likely to approach.

slickestwood · 2022-01-30T15:33:18+00:00

I realized at some point I was only attracting men and women I wasn't interested in because of the way I acted around people I was interested in. I'd try too hard on being funny and charming and not saying the wrong thing that I'd kinda clam up. Otherwise I relax, open up more, and actually come off funny and charming and confident.

In a nutshell, don't act much (or any) differently around attractive women than you do these dudes.

EscapeVelocity83 · 2022-01-30T22:51:46+00:00

The women are interested, you just missed the part in highschool on how to tell. Most women dont have sexuality that matures much beyound that and you should expect them to failat whats required for a relationahip and it wont work unless you pick up the slack for her

EscapeVelocity83 · 2022-01-30T22:57:07+00:00

Yes. Narcissists and paychopaths dont care about being good enough, you exist for their use

anoyingprophet · 2022-01-31T00:20:05+00:00

Ok I'll give you the run down on why this is happening to you. It's happening to you because you're simply a good looking guy. If you're a good looking guy, you're going to be approached and hit on by gay men, because at the end of the day, they're still guys. They're very visual and they will let you know. I'm a stray man who works out alot and this happens to me too. Now the reason why this is not happening with women, isn't because they aren't into you. Women are into you aswell, but they simply just operate differently. When women are attracted to a man, they don't flat out hit on the guy. It can happen from time to time, but for the most part, they won't be that straight up. The reason they aren't as upfront about what they want as guys are is because women tend to be more at risk. It's dangerous out here for a woman because of all these dangerous guys. It's dangerous for a woman to walk outside at night, be alone in a room full of guys etc. There are alot of creepy guys out there. So if a woman is at risk of being harmed from a creepy guy simply by existing, imagine how scary it is if she approached every guy she was attracted to. Yikes. So what women do, is they essentially give a guy signals. These signals let the guy know that the girl is into them and she is open to talking to you. I'll break down how this works. So let's say you're at work every day and there's a woman who finds you attractive. If you catch her eye, she's gonna notice what kinda guy you are. She knows your her type, but she also needs to know you're not dangerous or creepy or weird. So she's gonna take note of you from a far. Once she can tell you're cool, she's then gonna start giving you the signals. This can be as simple as striking up random conversation and waving at you or starring. Laughing at everything you do, or just being around you. As a guy, it's your job to be keen on noticing these signals, because if you don't, she'll probably move on fast. As someone with autism, it's safe to assume that you're not too keen on subcommunication. Sub communication is how women tell a guy she wants them to talk to her. It's probably not that easy for you to pick it up by juts roaming day to day. My advice would be to read about sub communication.

Title	Gay men are interested in me, but women aren't?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	23
Comments	56
Date	January 30, 2022 10:40 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/sg6kq6/gay_men_are_interested_in_me_but_women_arent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/gay-men-are-interested-in-me-but-women-arent.1267959 https://theredarchive.com/post/1267959

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