Made out with a girl all night at a club but couldn't get her to go home with me - how to get over that hurdle?

RobJudge · 2010-10-13T11:59:22+00:00

Your write-up is short, but if I had to guess it was probably 1 of 2 things...

1.) How you asked--It sounds like you assumed she was going to have sex with you, so you probably dropped your "game" when you asked her to come home with you. Next time, don't assume anything. Keep your "fun and playful" vibe the whole time. Example: Bad: Hey, wanna go back to my place? Good: Hey, I'm really glad I met you tonight. You're awesome. We should go party at this awesome members-only a few minutes away. It's called Club Rob. You're going to love it. Let's ditch our friends and go there now...

2.) You probably over-escalated in the club. Look, no one loves making out with babes more than I do, but if you do it too much you deflate all the sexual tension and she's not left wanting more. Pace it a little better next time.

Best, Rob Judge

youraveragereddituse · 2010-10-13T12:49:21+00:00

"she repeatedly rebuffed my efforts to get her back to my place." Theres your problem right there, repeatedly asking her to come back to your place is a sign of desperation, instead of focusing on bringing him home, focus on developing attraction, the rest will follow.

philosarapter · 2010-10-13T13:43:15+00:00

Get her worked up and don't satisfy her every need to make out. Turn her down a few times to go interact with some other people. Girls can be completely satisfied with just kissing, so you have to pull back a little bit and then start making her work for kisses.

Get past her anti-slut defense by giving her a legitimate reason for coming back to your place. Tell her your having some people over, and when you get there: "Oops, I guess I forgot to invite people."

But most importantly, don't expect to pull every girl home on the night you meet her. Thats just an unrealistic expectation. Many girls are all about meeting guys and kissing them but don't want to fuck them right away. This is why you get her number and take her out again to move up the ladder.

2010-10-13T13:12:11+00:00

Excellent interview from Eric Disco about rapidly escalating and extracting to seduction locations. The key points are

building rapid attraction
acting like you already know she's going to leave with you, instead of pleading her to do so

Still, I can't summarize all the points from that interview; it's definitely worth a listen.

mringham · 2010-10-13T16:56:36+00:00

Female perspective here: Sometimes, we women will go out to a club just to have fun. We may or may not make out with someone there, but we go without plans to go home with someone. There will be times, regardless of what you do, in which a woman will not take it to the next level. Please understand this.

roxxe · 2010-10-13T12:35:44+00:00

looking at your username hmmm

apocalyptic · 2010-10-13T14:22:18+00:00

As much as I dislike canned material, the Mystery Method Model is excellent for understanding the stages of a pick up. It looks to me like some step was skipped in your attempt.

Did you qualify? If you did not let her know the reason you are attracted to her, then in her opinion you may just be a horny guy. Even if she let you make out with her, it does not mean anything more to that in a club I'm guessing.

Did you build comfort? Resistance is usually put up because of she thinks she would be seen as a slut if she were to go home with you. If you spent the entire night putting your tongue down her throat instead of "getting to know her", maybe that's why.

ihaveabu · 2010-10-13T14:47:12+00:00

you shouldn't ask "would u like to go back to my place with me?"

kino to the point where she's horny, possibly hornier than you. she'll drag u home to her place

octave1 · 2010-10-13T15:04:44+00:00

Maybe she was on the rag.

exdiggtwit · 2010-10-13T14:51:13+00:00

Many good technical points listed already...I'd just add: Don't care if she does or not.

kalash47 · 2010-10-13T22:33:46+00:00

In your case you should have simply moved onto another girl as soon as she refused; instead you kept asking her even more which probably just further choked out any attraction that was formed.

intjpua · 2010-10-13T23:56:34+00:00

A lot of experienced PUAs advocate keeping the sexually charged contact to a minimum at the meeting location, because it serves to diffuse the passion little by little over time. It's build, release, build, release, but never builds to the point where the sexual desire it overwhelming. The ASD remains firmly in charge of the situation.

You can't power through, when it comes to the ASD and women's desire. You tried too hard to bring her home, and spent too much time giving her what she would want to go home with you for. Subtlety rules the day when it comes to bringing a girl home (unless you're just playing a raw numbers game, and approaching new women until you find one that'll go home with you right then, which apparently also works, though it's not my kinda thing).

ryno55 · 2010-10-14T04:04:23+00:00

You have to make her thirsty for more... two steps forward one step back.

2010-10-14T15:25:06+00:00

when you make out at the club, when you ask her to come back to your place it's immediately clear that that means sex.

girls don't like that kind of pressure associated with sex---if you hold off on kissing until you take her back, it accomplishes two things:

First, demonstrating value by showing that you are able to wait, and allows her to convince herself that she's not a slut (because she doesn't necessarily have to fuck you when she goes back, she can always stop herself after kissing, although this will happen rarely).

2010-10-14T15:25:11+00:00

when you make out at the club, when you ask her to come back to your place it's immediately clear that that means sex.

girls don't like that kind of pressure associated with sex---if you hold off on kissing until you take her back, it accomplishes two things:

First, you're demonstrating value by showing that you are able to wait, and it allows her to convince herself that she's not a slut (because she doesn't necessarily have to fuck you when she goes back, she can always stop herself after kissing, although this will happen rarely).

2010-10-14T00:54:09+00:00

I can tell you that this has worked many times (though not on your mom):

"Come over and play Wii boxing"

PenAndSword · 2010-10-13T12:19:02+00:00

Usually being a gentleman helps.

AnnArchist · 2010-10-13T16:21:55+00:00

Lie about this:

1) After party at my house- but be sure no one is there.

2) Want to come see [insert something neat at your house]

3) Ask her if she wants to come grab a drink at your place.

Those are the best closing avenues.

Title	Made out with a girl all night at a club but couldn't get her to go home with me - how to get over that hurdle?
Author	TheWorldIsFlatulence
Upvotes	15
Comments	34
Date	October 13, 2010 11:24 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dqmls/made_out_with_a_girl_all_night_at_a_club_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/made-out-with-a-girl-all-night-at-a-club-but.1299238 https://theredarchive.com/post/1299238

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