Hey Seddit. So I just experienced one of the worst failures ever and I thought I'd share with you guys cause it's just that terrible.

I invited a girl over to smoke with me at my house pretty late at night. She arrives and things are going great we're laughing and just making small talk. Now for some reason when I smoke I get really anxious / trapped in my own head. I got pretty stoned with her and I invited her to sit on my bed and watch some shows with me. I asked her to play 21 questions and we were just talking and I fucked up the tone of the night because I refused to answer one of her questions (something dumb) when I could have teased her about it. Some of the questions backfired on me and I didn't handle them right.

So it goes like that for a while and there are definitely awkward pauses in between. We're both really spacey from the weed and I'm thinking in my mind I need to make a move before it's too late but for some reason I CAN'T. I'm so anxious and caught up in my own head that I just can't bring myself to make that one simple movement and lean in. I keep prodding with the game and finally after a while she just ends up going home.

I felt so pathetic I wanted to thrash myself. I had a hard time believing that happened. The situation was perfect and I fucked it up because I couldn't make that one final push.

Actually though I kind of liked this experience after I slept on it because it showed me just how badly I need to grow a pair. I'm sure I could have been much happier right now if I wasn't high last night but there's no room for if's and but's.

What I learned:

  1. For me personally, I should NOT smoke with a girl I am not comfortable with yet.
  2. If something like 21 questions flops move on to something else don't prod it (this might be because I was so damn high and couldn't think straight)
  3. If you have some form of inner game do NOT use pre-canned material. It fucking sucks. Be yourself and be spontaneous.
  4. Move on. Trust me when I say I was beating myself up HARD for this. I'm sure I won't ever see or talk to that girl again and if I do it's going to be fucking awkward, but that's life. I fucked up royally and now I have to deal with it. It'll take me a couple of days to get over what an idiot I am but my resolve to get better is definitely strengthened. Every failure makes you stronger right?!