"I'm too old for you" vs "You're too young for me."

chumpta · 2011-01-04T19:38:22+00:00

it's like asking a girl if she has a boyfriend or if she's single. subtle wording changes - the former asks "has a man taken you?" the latter asks "are you independent of a man?"

part of the neg is its false disqualifying power (i.e. you would not say such things that could be construed as insults to a girl you like). "You're too young for me" well, she cannot become older. and you're disqualifying her for herself essentially, and there's something off-key about it. kind of pompous and perhaps even game-y. you've also sort of subconsciously made her the prize - she's young, and while she may be too young for you, she's still young and that's a good thing. it's like a neg that still somehow compliments her.

"I'm too old for you" is laden with possibilities. you just told her what's good for her. you disqualified yourself, rather than disqualifying her for herself. you cannot become younger, but she can convince you that you were wrong and qualify to you, which is always an excellent reversal - when it can be done, do it. now you are the prize - the sexy older man.

LesbianPUA · 2011-01-04T19:38:51+00:00

I've actually noticed this a bit too. I think maybe it has to do with that "I'm too old for you" presents kind of a challenge, whereas "You're too young for me." is almost a little insulting, like it's implying she's immature as well.

Good question. I'll be curious to read some of the other responses.

cheddarchexmix · 2011-01-04T20:20:22+00:00

This is a good point. I think it works because "I'm too old for you" disqualifies yourself but the immediate mental reaction it triggers ("no he's not") actually increases your standing as a potential mate in her mind. The same thing for "You're too young for me" ("no I'm not") doesn't work because the girl knows nothing about you.

Mental note: need to start using "I'm too old for you" more often.

cousindupree · 2011-01-05T00:45:41+00:00

I'm 50 and back in the dating scene in Manhattan. My situation might be a little different; although probably only slightly.

Being only 36...unless you look a lot older than 36 then roughly 10 years is the perfect difference for a man and woman. When I was in my thirties, I was with a dancer who was 10 years younger. It was never awkwark.

What I am saying is that I believe it a mistake to ever address any age difference.

Being 50 now, I don't go for girls who are in their early 20's but women in their 30's get attracted pretty easily.

Don't worry and don't ever bring it up.

If "she" brings it up be certain not to react to what she says; it might be a test or something.

Dr. Dupree

2011-01-05T04:56:28+00:00

"You're too young for me,"= I'm not likely to be interested in you so why are we even talking? Maybe I just like the idea that I can hit on young chicks at bars.

"I'm too old for you,"= I am interested in you and I'd like you to show me that you are interested in me, but I am also acknowledging that you may have tastes and preferences that don't match my own desires.

Pretty obvious.

frogma · 2011-01-04T20:31:58+00:00

Saying "I'm too old for you" puts the focus on her, so her response will be to qualify herself, or try to convince you that you're not too old. Saying "You're too young for me" still puts the focus on her, but it's almost the same as saying "You're not mature enough," and that becomes similar to an insult. You certainly shouldn't say "Aw, you're just a baby," because that's essentially a direct insult, even if you say it playfully. I think an underlying factor is when you mention the word "young," pedophilia comes to mind (even if it's only subconsciously) so the situation could easily get awkward. I think the best thing to do is ignore ages, unless she brings it up. When she does, and she probably will, you just shrug it off or make her qualify herself. I'm not an older guy, but I've been in similar situations with girls a bit younger and I usually just shrug it off and move on to something else.

2011-01-04T23:37:54+00:00

I wonder if this has an age range that it works best for?

If you are 30 and you tell a 20 year old "I'm too old for you", it may fly differently than if you are 60 and say it to a 30 year old.

nathanjunior · 2011-01-05T03:59:21+00:00

Long time lurker, throwaway account here. I've never had much of a problem finding female companionship, and never really consciously employed the tactics described in this sub. But in following the posts, I can look back and see where situations may have gone better if I'd kept some of the more general concepts in mind. Having said that, I'm in my late 30s but look younger. In my early 30s I was pretty sensitive to age difference - I started dating a 24 yo when I was 33 and thought it was too big a gap. After that ended, for some reason I totally stopped giving a shit. And I gotta say, it helps. Females can pick up on that I think. But, now I've met an even younger woman, hanging out at the bar mostly. On our first date it seemed like we alluded to the subject of age, talking about how pointless it is worrying what other people think. Not sure if we were on the same page, but we did exchange what I perceived to be knowing looks. Point is I agree with an above comment, it's probably best not to even bring it up without good reason. In my case, mutual acquaintances would have almost certainly informed her of my age, and the fact that we still went out more or less puts a rest to much concern. But on the off chance that she thinks I'm younger than I am, I must admit that telling her makes me a bit nervous.

netwiz101 · 2011-01-05T00:34:42+00:00

Saying "I'm too old" is not a neg. She's not qualifying herself. She's qualifying you.

mfball · 2011-01-05T05:57:55+00:00

The difference is that "I'm too old for you" puts it on her terms and implies that you assume she wouldn't date someone your age, whereas "you're too young for me" put it on your terms and implies that you wouldn't date someone her age.

If you claim to be too old, you're telling her what she should want and her automatic response will be to convince you that you're wrong, but if you claim that she's too young, you're telling her what you want and that it isn't her. As a woman, that's how I would take it anyway. I sometimes have a thing for older guys. If a man said he was too old for me I would probably be inclined to tell him he was mistaken, but if he said I was too young for him I would probably take his word for it. However, even then it would still depend on how either was said, I suppose.

2011-01-07T17:42:14+00:00

Haha I can't wait till I'm old enough to use that line :D

Title	"I'm too old for you" vs "You're too young for me."
Author	AtticusFynch
Upvotes	25
Comments	21
Date	January 4, 2011 7:25 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ew5d5/im_too_old_for_you_vs_youre_too_young_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-too-old-for-you-vs-youre-too-young-for-me.1314186 https://theredarchive.com/post/1314186

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