NEWBIES READ THIS - IOIs & IODs, Qualification, and more!

Bobsutan · 2011-10-13T20:54:07+00:00

Qualification

Qualification is arguably the most meaningful aspect of Game for men. The phrase “don’t stick your dick in crazy” is getting popular for a reason, and learning what a woman is all about, if she is a good match for you, is crucial if you ever intend on having long term relationships with women that won’t drive you crazy. Even short term relationships, flings, greatly benefit from qualifying women, if for no other reason than your own personal safety.

Qualification is also key for developing a real relationship since it’s what drives investment levels. Through qualification you can drive up investment from women and also use it to determine her interest level in you. It’s also a very good way of showing you’re interested in her, and for more than just her looks. This goes a long way to deflecting ASD and LMR down the road.

Men with standards, or more precisely, men who have success with women, have standards because they have abundance due to their successes with women, which allows them to be discriminating in the first place. In a way it’s almost a form of preselection. Another way of looking at it is that men that scrape and beg for sex--who lack abundance--cannot afford to qualify women. In other words, “beggars can’t be choosers”. Qualifying women flips this all around and makes you the prize!

Another positive aspect of qualifying women and having standards is that for a woman to be chosen by a man of high standards, it’s flattering to her own ego. The little girl in every woman wants to meet her Prince Charming and be swept off her feet. But more than that, knowing he chose HER, out of all the other women he had available to him, THAT’s powerful stuff.

Qualification is best when it’s based on your own personal standards and goals, and the type of women you want to surround yourself with. This begins with establishing goals and setting standards and expectations regarding relationships and behaviors you will and will not tolerate.

In short, there are 4 ways of qualifying women:

Qualifying statements
Small hoops
Medium hoops
Large hoops

I usually start with qualifying statements to get the ball rolling and work from smaller hoops to larger hoops. If for some reason a woman won't jump through the larger hoop I've put in front of her then I'll shrink the hoop. If she complies partially I'll still give her props for complying, but still shrink the hoop or try qualifying her on something else. The point in this is that you never punish a woman for compliance, even if her answer didn't meet your standard or expectation.

Managing objections/roadblocks – Disqualification

Disqualification is a powerful tool for mitigating problems during an interaction, such as disqualifying objections before they are made (creating comfort where a woman would be fearful of walking down a dark alley). Disqualification is also useful for breaking rapport (flirting) and can be used to framing others in a negative light. This is useful for getting others to want to fulfill expectations and getting them to qualify themselves to you. This is why qualification and disqualification used in tandem is so powerful.

A common roadblock men run into when meeting new people is the woman’s friends arriving in the middle of an interaction. A great way to prevent this from becoming an issue is by asking her who she’s there with. As people arrive you should then introduce yourself and explain you were just talking about them, followed by killing them with kindness. This works just as well for the alpha female of the group, which is the worst case scenario in my opinion, to defusing potential bad situations when a jealous boyfriend appears out of nowhere. Remember, there’s no reason you shouldn’t talk to everyone. Even if they’re not interested, they may have friends that are. You won’t be able to win over every woman, and that’s okay. When you can’t make a woman your girlfriend it’s time to start thinking of ways of making her into a girl…friend.

Bobsutan · 2011-10-13T20:58:32+00:00

Setting Goals

Be specific

Write down goals in specific detail so you can clearly see what you plan to attain and how to achieve it. State exactly what you want and how you plan to get the results you seek, such as who can help and what training you may require.

What? What do you want to accomplish (short & long term)? Where? Identify locations & venues you will do the activities.
When? Establish time frames for short & long term goals. What is your target date? Who? Who can help you reach your goals? Do you seek mentoring, expert advice, or wings to help you in field?

Measurable

Establish metrics to track your progress. Keep a documented record of your successful steps toward your goals.

How many? Do you have a goal of approaching a certain amount of women per day/night/week/month/year?

How long? Do you have a goal of spending a specific amount of time meeting women?

Tracking

Tracking your successes can help encourage you to keep going and give you solid feedback on our efforts and whether something is working or not. The best strategy for sticking to goals is to keep track of your progress on a daily basis by writing it down every day. This very act of writing down activities/steps taken has been shown to improve results and to encourage consistency. It allows you to learn more about your habits, stay accountable to yourself, and keep track of any progress or slips.

A good record includes the following:

Type of activities.
How long you spent doing that activities.
Intensity of the effort. Did you push your own boundaries or did you play it safe?
Comments about any difficulties to help you in problem solving for the future.

Practicality

Are the goals reasonable and achievable in the time allotted?

Staying on track

Maintaining progress is one of the hardest challenges when trying to make changes to your life, whether it be changing a habit, fitness, or improving your communication skills. Getting started can be difficult, but staying committed is even harder. The key to successfully navigating obstacles to maintaining your progress is to acknowledge slips will happen despite your best efforts to plan for them. The key is to build consistencies and a regular schedule and to get back on that horse as soon as you get thrown off. There are several things you can do to help stay on target:

Keep it meaningful! Continue to remind yourself of the personal benefits you'll get when you achieve your goals. Setting and keeping meaningful goals that are realistic and attainable will increase the likeliness of success. You are much more likely to strive towards a goal you care about and feel close to accomplishing.
Reward yourself! Rewards increase the likelihood that you will do it again. When you reach a metric give yourself a reward. Create rewards for both short-term and long-term goals.
The earlier you catch slips the better. If caught early a slip does NOT have to signal an inevitable downward spiral. Again, slips are inevitable and accepting that and moving on when they happen is the best course of action. The most important thing to do when slips occur is to not let it turn into a string of slips or affect your new habits and collapse your changes in behavior you've been working towards.
Have a plan for dealing with slips. Again, don’t wait to initiate corrective actions. The most important thing is to get back on track as soon as possible. Do NOT wait until Monday or the beginning of the month to "start fresh".

Learn from the past. You an identify many of these slips from past experience. Think back and identify situations in which you remember having a particularly difficult time sticking to your plan.

Plan in advance. When you know similar situations are coming (i.e. holidays, family vacations, etc), start planning for how to deal with them in advance. If you wait until you are in the midst of the situation you are not likely to come up with an effective solution. Use the information from past struggles to guide your planning and identify past hurdles that will need to be overcome.

The measures of success are not whether there are dips in your progress, but whether overall you are progressing in spite of occasional slips.

Having standards and screening for them

Once you’ve got an idea of what your goals are the next step is to figure out how to screen for them. An example is if you wanted a woman who could cook, is to ask her if she cooks. If she does, by all means tell her that’s great and add in some kino to punctuate the point. If a woman ever complies with your request but doesn’t live up to your standard, be sure to validate her compliance. Never punish compliance even if it’s not the answer or response you were looking for. Instead either shrink the hoop or qualify her on another topic that’s of interest to you.

Chrisx711 · 2011-10-13T21:28:46+00:00

I love "When she has to go to the bathroom, she comes back"

I knew I was missing something!

Bobsutan · 2011-10-14T17:29:58+00:00

Great post, but I can't help but laugh at:

Telling you to leave

Oh, that means she's not interested?? Revelatory!

bradenpurchase · 2011-10-13T21:23:18+00:00

Side bar quality stuff here.

bobleplask · 2011-10-14T00:28:22+00:00

This is the stuff I want on Seddit. Good job Bob!

gxslim · 2011-10-14T00:33:15+00:00

When she has to go to the bathroom, she comes back

Pretty clutch IMO. Hard to flirt with her if she never comes back from the bathroom.

Nice job posting this with all the newbies around. Upvote this!

KallistiEngel · 2011-10-14T01:16:38+00:00

One question regarding eye contact that I've had for a while, but don't want to make a separate thread for. Are there any special tips for maintaining eye contact with someone who wears glasses? I seem to have trouble making and maintaining eye contact with women who have glasses because there's a physical barrier there and from different angles eye contact seems odd.

loki7714 · 2011-10-14T02:26:19+00:00

Amazing info, I got most of it pretty well, but the qualification thing confused me a little bit. Can you give a few more examples?

recoil669 · 2011-10-14T04:31:03+00:00

Looking for some honest advice: so I went to a practice today where I was a guest speaker/expert and it's a mostly female sport, and there was one girl who was probably pro 15-20 of the IOIs and none of the IODs. I didn't get her # or anything because we got no alone time, but I know I could get in contact with her through the organizer/facebook or something. I am going back next week, how should I approach her?

notlurkinganymoar · 2011-10-13T21:44:14+00:00

I've been enjoying this series. Please keep it up.

As for IOIs, the only one you really need is a lack of IODs. e.g., if you're talking to a girl and she doesn't walk away, IOI. It's all about assuming attraction.

Course, that is a little advanced, so I do see the need to give newbies some guideposts to look for.

totosaitama · 2011-10-14T04:10:52+00:00

IOI ... never happened to me :(

Bobsutan · 2011-10-14T08:08:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

WolfInTheField · 2011-10-14T14:19:12+00:00

Thaaaaank You.

dae3dae3 · 2011-10-14T04:20:44+00:00

See, I can't take care or put in the work for all this shit. If this is what it takes, then i'm throwing in the towel, cause i don't have time for that shit...

sillymallard · 2011-10-14T17:09:02+00:00

I would suggest adding lip curling and smiling without the eyes as IODs.

theubernoob · 2011-10-14T00:36:36+00:00

All this can be learned by getting out, growing some balls, and talking to women. If you have gone out and talked to every woman you've wanted to talk to every day for the past year and have learned nothing nor made any progress then I would strongly suggest studying "seduction". However, if that isn't the case then I would like to suggest just getting out and learning all these things for yourself. There is a difference between being educated on this material vs knowing this material. I only say this because I see plenty of guys out there who have obviously studied this stuff and their results are good, but in the end hollow. There will come a point where the person you are catches up to the person you are trying to be and when that happens it will likely result in a situation that is more unfavorable than the situations which have been achieved.

Title	NEWBIES READ THIS - IOIs & IODs, Qualification, and more!
Author	Bobsutan
Upvotes	205
Comments	52
Date	October 13, 2011 8:52 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lb91f/newbies_read_this_iois_iods_qualification_and_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/newbies-read-this-iois-iods-qualification-and-more.1323764 https://theredarchive.com/post/1323764

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