I'm tired of one night stands. Have you reached a moment of disillusionment when at first sex was all you were after then realized that it always felt empty in the end?

frogma · 2011-12-11T19:21:19+00:00

I went through a phase where I was seeking out one-night-stands just for the sake of having them (basically just so I could feel awesome about myself). I grew out of that a while ago. I still have one-night-stands, but I don't think of them as a way of validating myself. I just have em because they're fun.

When your life starts revolving around something like that (or anything really), you'll inevitably become disillusioned at some point. Now it's more about just having a good time with people. Then I can fuck them, become friends with them, maybe date them if I want, doesn't matter.

And the way I go about getting sex now is different. When I was more of a player I was pretty manipulative. Now my approach is basically 'we're gonna have a good time together, and then we're gonna fuck because we're having such a good time.'

R2D5 · 2011-12-11T19:19:15+00:00

Welcome to adulthood in the human race.

BeanerBoyBrandon · 2011-12-12T00:35:38+00:00

The ultimate first world problem..Tired of one night stands...i wish i had your problem

2011-12-11T23:35:01+00:00

No. Next question.

zezozio · 2011-12-11T20:33:26+00:00

Yep. I remember very clearly one day after leaving a one-night hotty, asking myself "but how many will you have to f*ck for you to feel ok"...

And then it stopped... wasn't chasing my tail (so to speak) anymore... life was nicer.

Enjoy the ride to yourself :-)

ps: not judging eh! We are so rich and so different that YMWPV (your millage will probably vary) or as grandmothers said: "to each his own"

helloeleni · 2011-12-11T20:18:23+00:00

I've noticed that the "chase" is the fun part I was always after, and the actual having of meaningless sex (once it was over and done with) was usually awkward or embarrassing... so to answer your question, yes.

1independentmale · 2011-12-12T03:54:19+00:00

Back in 2003... just kidding. Warning: rambling post ahead.

I was going to start by saying there's two kinds of people in the world, those that can separate sex from relationships and those that can't (or don't for very long).

But it's likely you're undergoing a cycle. I don't know if you've ever heard of Tony Robbins' 6 human needs, but one of them is variety and the other is (paradoxically) certainty/comfort. You have lots of sex, you want companionship. You get companionship, and a few months/years later you're bored and want variety again.

I was going to say, "you hear the call of the wild", but I don't want to imply this kind of cycle is healthy. It might be natural, but long-term we all have to think about what we want and what we're going to do to get there, and even what sacrifices we're willing to make along the way.

In my own experience I've always been a relationship guy rather than a one night stand guy. However, I did try to keep the variety by running multiple serious relationships concurrently for a few years at a time; definitely not for the feint of heart, and not something I'd recommend or do anymore.

At some point I hurt people, badly, and stopped. However even after then the cycle continued; date for a few years, break up. Date for a few years, break up. I saw other guys doing the same cycle and, despite being very successful with women... be alone in their 40s (and unhappy with it). I wasn't going to end up that way.

So I decided to stop all my cheating, multi-relationships, etc and meet one more new woman and live together straight away and make it work. That girl was fucking amazing and I love her to death - but she tortured me and after two years I had had enough.

I had a noble idea, but unfortunately it seems like I picked the wrong girl to execute it with.

A few days later I met someone new, and began again. "Holy shit, am I just doing the cycle again?" Well, not intentionally, I tried everything not to do the cycle again, but here I was. I'm still with that girl now, and all is going well (we just passed our one year anniversary). I guess time will tell, though I'm intending to make this one last forever and, unlike my ex, everyone else seems to think we're meant to stay together too.

illusiveab · 2011-12-11T19:44:45+00:00

We do it because its fun really.

Some men are like this, some men are not. Some men seek relationships, some men just wanna have fun.

Welcome to reality, gentlemen. I've known people that validated themselves by manipulating women and seeking one night stands. They are literally fucked in the head or horrible with money because all they do is spend it on women, just for the sex really.

I've had a guy ask to borrow money from me, I take a peek at his bank statement without his permission. All I see is restaurant bills, movie theatre purchases, some shit from Dave and Busters. With fuck all in their account balances.

Don't let validation run your life, that's it. Oh and, he's a player, a natural PUA. Not all of his girls were hot, but some were, and some were ugly. But hey, he's better than me right?

2011-12-12T02:44:29+00:00

I ponder this thought at every climax

ferveo · 2011-12-12T15:05:46+00:00

Yup... then comes the next stage where you actively avoid having sex with women you just met in order to avoid crushing their hopes and dreams...

There is nothing more poignant and sad than the loss of that twinkle in a woman's eye after she realizes you are no longer interested in her (post coitus).

reph · 2011-12-11T22:13:58+00:00

The next level of enlightenment is when you no longer require validation to support your fragile ego. I don't mean this in an insulting way, you're still building your sexual identity. Once you've mastered the art, you will be able to control sexuality as the river controls water. Without water, there is no river; but without the river, there is no form. You are water without form. Become the river.

totalradass · 2011-12-11T19:44:32+00:00

nope.

spinaroonie · 2011-12-11T23:28:26+00:00

First World problem.

uhhhhwhat · 2011-12-12T01:00:02+00:00

Yes. It's funny too. I have pretty girls throw themselves at me. It's like a joke. The more I act indifferent the crazier it drives them. I really only get turned on now when a girl can throw a great convo at me. I guess I havta be impressed now. About every two months I get horny and stop being picky and I'll throw it in some random. It's how I know it's time to get a gf again. And one that actually interests me.

2011-12-11T21:41:46+00:00

I got tired of multi-night stands (i.e. actual relationships).

ONS + Skyward Sword on the off days is working much better for me :-P

mizozozowo · 2011-12-12T04:28:14+00:00

Yea, I did get tired of the game. I joined OK Cupid, and started dating. It makes me feel much happier.

unreal030 · 2011-12-12T05:33:02+00:00

Tired?? I've never even had a one night stand. I'll trade you for awhile...

Dearerstill · 2011-12-12T07:28:37+00:00

Forget the existentialism, sex is just way better with repeat business.

cENTgetEnough · 2011-12-11T21:32:28+00:00

Yes, but it took falling for a FWB for me to realize it, and have the harsh reality that all I was was a FWB. It's a harsh reality, but once you realize what you actually want/need, it's easier to get it. (or at least to try)

jayteeayy · 2011-12-11T22:46:58+00:00

Reminds me of this song.

msgbonehead · 2011-12-12T06:25:17+00:00

Not sure if it was the same the situation you are in, but I grew disenchanted with the community and ended up taking a break for a few months from the whole thing. My break from women ended when I initiated a LTR. I personally find it unlikely I'll end up back into the game (so to say).

batiste · 2011-12-12T08:39:22+00:00

Feeling empty? I see what you did there!

graffiti81 · 2011-12-12T16:02:26+00:00

No, but I hope to someday.

vanitythrowa8y · 2011-12-12T16:34:44+00:00

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minutestomidnight · 2011-12-13T01:14:24+00:00

I spent a full-year doing nothing but going out 3-4 nights a week having one-night stands. At first, I wouldn't stop there and would try to see the girl again the next week and basically exhaust the mutual possibility of sex until she wanted something more.

There came a point, I think 4-5 months after I graduated college, where my momentum just exploded. I would set up dates back-to-back and have sex with a few different women a day. It wasn't even about the sex anymore at this point. I was just pushing the envelope and seeing how far I can go.

I used to be one of those obsessive guys who would feel really insecure about the notches on my belt, and whether or not a girl would sleep with me. I've been through years of hook-ups in college where I just could not close the deal. It weighed heavily on me, and really contributed to me forcing myself to go out so often. Actually, I didn't even force myself to go out, it was all I was interested in doing. I was really obsessed.

Now I can't put a number on how many women I've slept with. It just isn't a factor anymore. I don't care about one-night stands, or sex anymore really. I meet women and just have a fun time, and whatever happens happens. It all flows together.

With that said, I do not feel empty at the end. I like where I am with women now because I like to be able to seamlessly have sex with anyone I want (granted, I am successful in seduction - no one's perfect). I still try to have sex with whomever I am into ASAP, because it's much easier to move to the provider frame from the lover frame than the other way around.

2011-12-13T06:01:23+00:00

Yes. Seddit = valuing sex addiction. Been there. done that.

2011-12-12T03:24:13+00:00

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