Hey fellow older guys (I'm 35). What did you do to improve your life in this area?

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-10-07T18:06:42+00:00

As a definitely older guy (53) I can tell you a lot of improving game is eliminating bad habits and bad people that you have accumulated without being conscious of it.

We have longer lives than most, so we have a lot more experiences that make us who we are. This can be good and bad. Many younger women are interested in older guys, but they feel intimidated by our "worldly ways" and don't feel like they can keep up with us. Perhaps they can't, but you can make them feel comfortable in your world. But you have to make a conscious effort to make them feel that they have something to offer you (besides a young body).

TofuTofu · 2012-10-07T16:41:42+00:00

I had a late start because I went to an all boys high school and was very shy as a kid, so I've always felt that I've lagged behind in terms of dating.

I did too, dude. It's great you were able to analyze what may have caused your late start but from now on, forget all those excuses. There is only action going forth now.

I'm white, but the whole "opposites attract" thing seems to apply to me, and I've been highly attracted to Asian women my whole life, which causes me some shame for some reason.

Don't be ashamed of it! Asian women can be beautiful. I've probably hooked up with more Asian women than white women myself :)

The best advice I can give you is to read the links in the sidebar (the Inner Game posts are a must) and START GOING OUT MORE! You need to really master the art of cold approach socializing. It will help you in all situations.

Meanwhile, join some meetup groups/bar trivia nights/sports leagues/whatever, get yourself a great crew of friends and start hitting the town hard. Go on some impromptu adventures. Live your life - you are a good-looking, personable man with a job in his mid-30s. You have EVERYTHING to be confident about.

Just go out and start living life. I almost guarantee you are spending too much time at your office and at your house. Try going out 6 nights a week for the next month (baseball play-offs, NFL and NBA all going on) and meeting people. Obliterate your approach anxiety and become a regular at some bars. You'll be better off for it.

Check out some of my field reports. These were all nights from the ages of 28-30. Those were the steps I took to improve my social life dramatically.

Also, what city are you in? It's possible we can put together a Seddit lair for you, if one doesn't exist already. That will be a great start towards meeting like-minded people.

yooamatwa · 2012-10-07T17:59:34+00:00

Is 35 old? looks to me that men come in to their own in their 30s'. Just get out there and take advantage of legions of 28+ year old women with their biological clocks pounding at the door. Seduction is seduction the core tenants remain the same what ever your age.

yardapesbb · 2012-10-07T16:26:05+00:00

Check out some books by R Don Steele, you can find them used on the internet. Also read No more Mr Nice Guy.

kleer001 · 2012-10-07T18:41:24+00:00

The #1 thing that helped me hook up is to have a healthy and constantly growing network. For me bars and websites are dead ends. Not counting my sporadic list of hookups in foreign countries my last half dozen longish term relationships have come from my social network. I'm not talking about Facefriendbookspace. I'm talking about groups of people that meet frequently to do something in a shared enthusiasm.

kagayaki · 2012-10-07T17:00:24+00:00

I dunno if I qualify as an "older guy" (just turned 30 in January), but I don't really see how the basic concepts of seduction/PUA don't apply to older guys too.

Expand your social circle by trying new things, especially new things that are more likely to involve females. If you have AA, work on that as well by, well, approaching. I really like the book the guy from postmasculine wrote called Models: Attract Women through Honesty. He concentrates on more on ways to "fix" our inner game issues rather than concentrating on "routines" that really just act as a bandage, although he does go into that a bit.

And it's silly to be ashamed of who you're attracted to. I'm attracted to Asians as well, although I'm plenty attracted to attractive girls of all races as well. Where I live there's very few Asians that haven't moved with their husbands to the military base not far from where I live. Heh, I have no problem admitting that I'm somewhat of a weeabo (a non-flattering term for people infatuated with Japanese pop culture), although most people would not guess I am one until they got to know me pretty well.

In the end, the only thing I can really say is that I don't ever believe it's too late to develop the abundance mentality. Really, that's the "secret" of this community, to develop a mentality that you no longer feel that part of your identity is wrapped up in a single woman, so you are less likely to feel you need to settle.

dnldduck · 2012-10-07T18:31:17+00:00

What city are you in, dnldduck? People are looking for wingmen all over the planet.

jk147 · 2012-10-07T18:55:09+00:00

If you are in NYC you see white/asian all of the time, I think asian women are just tired of asian guys here.

2012-10-07T19:32:58+00:00

If you are at all photogenic, I highly recommend online dating. It takes real work, but it will allow you to go on a lot of dates with women who fit the demographic you are looking for. Even if you don't meet the right person through online dating, going on dates on a regular basis will make you a lot more comfortable and prepared when you meet someone through more traditional means.

Foosdawgg · 2012-10-07T20:05:38+00:00

They read the sidebar

chocobaby · 2012-10-07T20:38:44+00:00

Love Asian women? Don't be ashamed...they're hot. I love'm. Move to Seattle, British Columbia, San Fran, or.....Thailand! Remember, if you are a good looking, sharp, intelligent, friendly, talented 35+man.....you are what every straight woman wants, of any age, in any country.

dnldduck · 2012-10-07T22:20:26+00:00

I think I know how you feel, right around your age I found myself recently divorced after a long term marriage, and ... it was horrible (to me); and I will tell you why: because for one I didn't have much dating experience, I was shy, introvert, and... now I know, I was the quintessential AFC.

And then, the women whom I thought were age appropriate for me, 30-37 were all looking for one thing: GET MARRIED.

Or at least that was what appeared to me, remember I was an AFC.

So I started dating older women in their early 40's (this was before cougars were fashionable) who were divorced with grown kids, and were not looking for a husband or a meal ticket for their kids; or I would date women in their 20's who wanted to get out of their system the going out with an older dude kick.

In the meanwhile I discovered the PUA/Seduction community, and it made all the difference; I must say that I was kind of bad see my prior post http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uptk3/the_3_phases_of_seduction_according_to_yours_truly/ .

You are lucky to have discovered /r/seduction , it can guide you to wherever you want to go, from ONS to LTR, from finding and keeping FWB to dating multiple women, to... marry the woman of your dreams; it's a toolbox full of toys, for you to use whichever way you see fit to your wants and needs.

logdogday · 2012-10-07T18:16:15+00:00

Lose the shame... no one gives a shit but you, and in the words of Dr. Suess, "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."

Of course, you are narrowing your dating pool but that's a different matter.

lovedoctor11 · 2012-10-07T19:21:31+00:00

My only advice would be to get out there as much as you can. There comes a time in every mans life where he is afraid of being denied- drop that feeling right out of your thoughts. Ask pretty waitresses out for coffee, next time you see someone attractive in an elevator strike a conversation. Its realizing there are literally thousands upon thousands of women out there that makes your date life the most exciting- get out there and get denied, get out of the minors and bat in the majors and you'll see drastic improvements in your date life.

Lojak · 2012-10-07T22:30:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

bcktth · 2012-10-08T01:32:20+00:00

I just hit 30 last week, but already I'm taking this new decade as something good based on the decisions I have already made. Hopefully this helps out...

1.) It I never too late to seduce women. Regardless wither you we're thinking this or not it I never too late. I feared this at one point as I got out of a 3 year LTR around a year ago and a good friend of mine told me that women in their 20's are very much open to men on their 30's because (ideally) we have our ahi together more so when we were 23 or what not.

2.) Take care of yourself! Inside and out. I realized now more then ever that I need to invest a bit more time looking up supplements and making time to work out because this is when our hairline gets shorter and stomachs become larger.

But don't stop there, open a book and read something you are passionate about and can see yourself discussing with friends and the women you want to meet. For me it is nutrition and meditation. So take care of your body (inside and out) and mind.

3.) Know what it is that you want. This means with your own personal life, women, etc. The older you become the more valuable time is. When you were 19 you had all the time in the world and jacked off. Now, probably one of those is true.

Find out what it is you want in life and chances are you'll obtain it, or at the very least develop a plan on how to get it. This alive is the most valuable thing I've learned as I have countless friends (my age and/or older) who still go through life unsure and in doubt. Don't be that that guy.

Hope this helps and g'luck.

nextedge · 2012-10-08T01:43:22+00:00

This might be out in left field, but if you can take a week or 2 off and have some spare cash, fly to asia. (Philippines or China is my preference). You will feel like a rock star, there are stunningly beautiful women there that will actively flirt with you. What I think will happen is your confidence will go through the roof and when you come home you will look at the girls you thought were hot here and see that they aren't as hot as you thought, you wont chase the same, and as a result, your game will increase. Side note...you will also come home and wonder why all the girls gained 20 pounds while you were gone.

TheseThingsMatter · 2012-10-08T02:23:33+00:00

If you like Asian women have you considered a holiday to Thailand? They'll love you in the clubs there.

Locally, how about looking online for a wingman in the same situation as you and getting out there to hit the bars and clubs.

OKC5659 · 2012-10-09T20:59:38+00:00

I was in a very similar situation as the OP... I'm 36, but look like I'm in my early to mid 20's, and just got out of a long term relationship that lasted almost a decade. I only had a couple of close friends that were already in a relationship and they didn't like going out so I was limited in what I could do. So I decided to join a gym and start working out and expanded my network of friends. I also took a class at a local community college which is the best decision I ever made for meeting girls. ThrowawayPUA is dead on about younger girls liking older guys. I'm not sure how much they would like me if they knew I was 36 rather than thinking I'm 25 or so though...

Title	Hey fellow older guys (I'm 35). What did you do to improve your life in this area?
Author	dnldduck
Upvotes	52
Comments	53
Date	October 7, 2012 4:18 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/113b55/hey_fellow_older_guys_im_35_what_did_you_do_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/hey-fellow-older-guys-im-35-what-did-you-do-to.1340744 https://theredarchive.com/post/1340744

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