Doing pick-up for 3 years, enormously successful for weeks but then one flake sets me into a spiral of depression. Seriously starting to hate women.

TheCuriousDude · 2013-02-23T22:26:04+00:00

I have a hard time believing you internalized the ideas of this subreddit. You got all bent out of shape because of one flake. I have both male and female friends who have flaked at the last minute, and I don't become an angry, needy, beta fuck because of it. Also, why would you tell a girl you've never had a girlfriend? That lowers your value considerably. In her head, she's wondering why you've never had a girlfriend.

Lastly, if you're starting to hate women because you get flaked and rejected by two girls, you've got bigger problems. I don't hate Asian people just because an Asian dude was an asshole to me. Geez, where's your abundance mentality? Go out and approach other women. Women don't wield any power over you unless you let them. And, as someone who's nice to everyone, there's a difference between being nice and being a pushover.

RandianHero · 2013-02-23T23:03:41+00:00

Dude, it's just a girl. Fucking relax, man. There are countless more where she came from. People flake. So what? Find another one. This is seriously only as big a deal as you make it, so don't lose your shit over nothing.

KT88 · 2013-02-24T06:59:33+00:00

my 2c- sounds like you are sorely missing that other part of human nature- having a meaningful relationship. When you're in a good one, it's the best. My advice-

1) Take a break for a while 2) Find a girl you like enough to be your GF- a long term seduction proposition 3) develop your 'relationship game' and yourself as a person. 4) rinse 5) repeat

minutestomidnight · 2013-02-24T14:58:14+00:00

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LieBaron · 2013-02-24T16:14:22+00:00

Upfront: I strongly suspect that there was more going on than you let on, or that you yourself realize. I strongly suspect that you came off as desperate or even unstable. If indeed you are depressed GO SEE A DOCTOR. Depression is an actual disease, with treatments available.

It also sounds to me like you sound entitled to a relationship. Maybe this is because my reading is tinted, I was just reading this link and this link, both of their stories remind me of yours. You still seem to think of women as mythical creatures, but internalising the knowledge that women don't have any particular power, that they are just like us dudes is probabl one of the biggest favours you can do for yourself - I certainly think it is essential to having one's head on straight. It makes it a much smaller deal to be rejected, because not all people are meant for each other, and when we truly see each other as individuals, we are not being rejected by women in general, but by that one women. And there are always women who simply aren't attracted to us, or even to the persons we WANT to be. Being chill with that is important.

Honestly, it sounds to me like seduction/game is messing up your mental health and your life, not helping you. A lot of the ideas that are part of the seduction package are pretty toxic to many guys - especially guys who are unstable to begin with. In that case, the answer is simple: just take a break from 'pick-up' (which does not neccesarily mean taking a break from dating or women - just trying a new approach). You wrote in the comments that you don't think you can do that, that you want to be good at game. Well... Why? If it's making you unhappy, what's the fucking point? Aren't you just channelling your neediness and desperation for acceptance into another avenue? Isn't that just another way of putting women on a pedestal? I think in your case, the answer is yes.

IMHO, seek some help, take a break, find something else to make you happy for a bit. Seduction is just a self-help thing, but it is not the only self-help avenue to pursue. Get a hobby, or start working out, learn a language or start reading /r/malefashionadvice or ANYTHING. But don't do it because you're spiting women or as part as some sort of overall PUA trajectory progress thing - do it because those things are equally important, and because you want to be a complete person. Don't let your lovelife dictate your entire life.

2013-02-23T23:31:18+00:00

Pull your shit together man. It's been three days... That is nothing. Take a week off and focus on yourself. Read a book you've been wanting to read, hit the gym more, hell you can lie in bed watching the notebook and crying into your Ben and Jerry's for all I care. Just relax and get control of yourself.

fashin_throwaway · 2013-02-24T02:56:36+00:00

If you're getting this upset over a couple flakes there's a bigger problem that has to be addressed. You seem to be trying to fill it with women. Work on your "inner game"

VR53KS · 2013-02-24T12:30:10+00:00

I know I made an unrelated comment about the whole number of dudes a girl has slept with, but now I actually wanna write up a response to you directly about this. You know how everyone here is told not to put a specific woman on a pedestal or it reeks of neediness and puts too much unwanted pressure on them, therefore causing them to lose interest? To be honest my man, I think you're doing that with pick-up in general. The way I see it, you've got a solid life that you've set up for yourself which is awesome, and this thing with women is now the crown on top - your rewarding factor for being a top bloke. Ultimately, that's poisonous. Self-destructive, if you will.

Once your success wanes a little bit, so does the feeling of being that top bloke. You worked hard for this pick-up shit, and this the motherfuckin thanks you get? You're putting too much faith in your prowesses with women to make you happy, using it as a crutch to lift you up, and it's no good brah. Never mind outcome indepence related specifically to not caring about certain girls you approach; focus on not letting this picking up women thing define you, and let it merely be a by-product of your otherwise exquisite life.

You never having had a girlfriend is something of concern to other women because there's two realistic possibilities. One is that you're just too unattractive or safe, but if you've been bangin regularly then it's clearly not the issue. The other, more likely one, is that it brings up playa alert. In fast-paced situations where you go from meeting to banging without REALLY spending enough time with a chick to figure out if you two can co-exist peacefully or not, you won't really be able to spit out such details of your life and have it go over well.

I'd suggest slower game, more dates, more time spent doing anything but horizontal no-pants dancing etc BUT then you've gotta face the possibility of moving too slow and having chicks lose interest. That's just another thing you'll have to deal with by moving on fast and trying your luck/skills somewhere else.. It is, after all, a numbers game. In the same way that someone, somewhere is bound to wanna fuck you, the same rings true for women who would like a partnership with a good man in a proper relationship.

Hitting the clubs at night isn't obviously limited to just the hook-up scene, but is fairly balanced towards that side. Rarely does it happen that you meet someone you seriously click with and would consider being with for longer periods of time. I'd seriously suggest telling yourself you wanna put pick-up on hold, living your life as usual and just taking a look at the broader scheme of things. Sounds like a cliche but life has a weird tendency to just fall into place somehow when you don't expect it.

TL;DR Fuaaarkkkk

ObscenePenguin · 2013-02-25T13:37:21+00:00

Bro, brace for a bit of chick perspective.

The reason these girls do not want to have a relationship with you is because you are not boyfriend material, you are object of sexual gratification material. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you're looking for a sense of self worth with women who are just using you for sex then I'm afraid you're looking in the wrong places.

You can be more than easy penis, but not to these women (or any of their friends or colleagues, or any of your mate's girlfriend's friends or colleagues because women talk and you probably have a well cemented reputation for being a slut- so be ready for that).

If you fancy a crack at monogamy, by all means have a go. I'm sure you can make the right girl very happy. It doesn't matter if you make a terrible hash of it and decide later on that, actually, you prefer shagging around. But for the love of God, sort your shit out first. You're clearly not a happy person. See a doctor, possibly have a few sessions with a therapist if you think it might help. Be whole and complete in yourself before thinking about being part of a couple.

minutestomidnight · 2013-02-24T01:35:00+00:00

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minutestomidnight · 2013-02-24T00:07:52+00:00

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darksideofdagoon · 2013-02-24T00:43:38+00:00

It sounds like you might just need to take a break from this scene for a bit. Take a few weeks off, you'd be surprised how many opportunities spontaneously show up when you're not looking for them in some dumb bar.

JustRuss79 · 2013-02-24T05:24:09+00:00

This honestly sounds a lot like what happened in 'The Game' where Mystery ended up in a deep depression and Style got the hell out of the game when he recognized some of his own tendencies.

I'd say you are just having a slump, and you can recover. Don't let it get you down it was just a couple of girls with fucked up priorities and sending mixed signals.

There are other women out there, if you aren't ready to settle down then don't. If you are, then don't try to meet "the one" using canned material and fake personality.

asad16 · 2013-02-24T06:59:32+00:00

what is your passion in life?

James_Coook · 2013-02-24T02:03:46+00:00

Dude do you have something more than pickup going on in your life? It sounds like you are putting too much emphasis on this aspect of your life. Focus on career, hobbies and the gym. Maybe that will take some of the sting out of this. Also accept the fact that women always say one thing and do another thing when it comes to seduction. That's why we need Game to fuck them in the first place. Think of it. Even the word we chose to describe the skill set of getting a girl shows you how fucked up they are. If women responded romantically to what they said they want, nice guys would be getting laid left and right.

big_ol_dickhead · 2013-02-24T01:16:45+00:00

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2013-02-24T04:39:37+00:00

OP as a seven year old.

Title	Doing pick-up for 3 years, enormously successful for weeks but then one flake sets me into a spiral of depression. Seriously starting to hate women.
Author	minutestomidnight
Upvotes	7
Comments	50
Date	February 23, 2013 10:11 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/193m8k/doing_pickup_for_3_years_enormously_successful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/doing-pick-up-for-3-years-enormously-successful.1347876 https://theredarchive.com/post/1347876

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