A question to ask yourself.

blonderson · 2013-12-07T21:18:12+00:00

I've always liked this outlook. People tend to overthink a lot of decisions, when things could be made so much easier by asking yourself "why not?"

slobad009 · 2013-12-07T23:01:15+00:00

I had something similar happened to me but instead of why shouldn't I? The question was why not now? I procrastinate still every here and there but I do always ask myself the question of why not now.

JohnStamosEnoughSaid · 2013-12-08T00:41:52+00:00

I started the " why not" attitudr a long time ago. Short story long i grew up in a very controlling house and it continued for a couple years later. Things got so bad they would just drop by to tell me i had to do this or that and i snapped. I keep a clean house tidy yard and these people thought they needed to nitpick everything i did. I started simply saying "why" to them and yhe response was "because". Because isnt a reason id say "why" they got frustrated and left. I say why not all the time now looking around from signs to people everything is saying NO YOU CANT!! I say WHY NOT! !! To anything that i feel i can do within my legal bounds.

strychninesmileyface · 2013-12-08T00:50:51+00:00

One of my closer friends has changed my outlook on life because this is his philosophy. I've only known him for four months and he's completely changed my perspective. I do a lot more of the things that I want to do now because of him. It's made my life ten times better.

EndOfTheUniverse · 2013-12-08T04:42:00+00:00

Awesome.

Something I ask myself "What actually is the worst that can happen in painstaking detail?". Once my mind's eye imagines the worst situation, I often realise it's actually not that bad. Then I go for it.

Sr_Wafffles · 2013-12-07T22:59:38+00:00

Yup, was and still is key to killing anxiety and taking a positive/social view of the world

jalabapeon · 2013-12-08T00:30:26+00:00

I like the perspective!

Did you end up inviting the guy over?

FlyingNarwhal · 2013-12-08T16:26:58+00:00

My favorite question is "how likely is this to actually kill me?"

Currently I'm walking across the USA, increase in likely hood of death is the same as breathing the air in New York city for 1 year.

Increase for talking to a stranger? Nearly 0

Increase for gaining a new, deep friendship? Slight decrease actually. Everyone you live for were once strangers, even yourself.

moyhad · 2013-12-08T08:14:34+00:00

People you don't know are just friends you haven't met yet.

-_Z_- · 2013-12-11T12:17:12+00:00

Note: this is off-topic yet regarding the story you presented.

You described yourself as an introvert. I'm currently developing a theory as to why people associate with the terms introvert and extrovert, and I thought you might find some of these ideas I'm about to present interesting. Perhaps you could assess them and let me know what you think? Either way, I hope you find them interesting.

Essentially, I think that some people are better at interacting with others (for whatever reasons) giving them validation that they are good at being social. Experiencing positive social interactions is a good feeling, and if these experiences are reason to believe that one is more than capable of bringing about more similar interactions, they will develop a sort of confidence.

In my view, you may adopt being an introvert as part of your identity because you (for whatever reason) did not develop certain implicit social cues that help people succeed socially. There "social cues" range from sitting up straight and taking up space (rather than keeping your limbs in close, which tells others you are reserved and not open to conversation), to speaking with as deep a voice as one can, to knowing when it is appropriate to smile.

What I am arguing in your case is that you, in this story, have displayed a behavior that, had it been replaced by a separate behavior, would have brought about better social results. What I am referring to is how you state that "I keep asking if I should invite him or not". To me, it is no surprise that everyone ignored you. If you describe yourself as an introvert, you quite possibly already exhibit social traits that gives you less 'social weight' in conversations (by this, I mean the imaginary 'units' which explain the phenomena of when two people are trying to talk at once, the group instinctively wants to hear one person speak over another). Typically, it seems that those who have proven to be highly socially capable are more worth listening to than someone less so should the group be given this choice.

In tying this together: you were deferring to the group a decision which you very well could have made yourself and instead imposed on the group. People like leaders, and by inviting the freshman to sit with your friends without even asking them, you are directly affecting the entire group for a potential good. This certainly would have drawn you some respect. Unfortunately, however, because you kept deferring the decision to others (almost, as if, you were presenting an opportunity for someone else to be the leader), no one felt particularly strongly for or against the idea, so everyone merely refrained from answering.

Consider the case where you start by saying "Hey guys, I'm about to go invite that freshman kid to sit with us. Be friendly to him, it doesn't look like he has any friends to sit with". In this scenario, you are informing the group as to a decision you are about to make which will affect them; you are not giving them an option. You are then mandating that they behave in a certain way. Although it may seem that being so asserting might come off as rude or offensive, this is not the case. Because you are acting genuinely to bring about a good (in promoting additional social interactions to both the group and the socially deprived individual), even those who do not feel like meeting the kid will respect that your imposition is incredibly nice and admirable, and is therefore justified. The result is the entire group now views you, the individual, as one who takes charge and affects the entire group at his own will, usually in the group's best interest. Of course, none of this will ever explicitly cross people's mind's, these are all just crazy conjectures as to how social interactions work over periods of time, and how reputations are built.

The note I want to end on is this: notice how different the end results of the two distinct behaviors are, especially in comparison to how small of a difference there is between the actual behaviors. To restate in this context, my main argument is that people who come to be known (to themselves or others) as 'extroverts' are just those who happened to develop a personality which often utilizes certain social cues that are as delicate as this one.

Think about it; you went out of your way to be friendly to someone you didn't know because you thought they would appreciate that. That is truly a commendable and genuine OUTGOING desire! Why are you an introvert? I'd argue that you really aren't—no one is. Perhaps we can convince ourselves that we really desire social interactions just as much as extroverts do. Then, maybe we'd find that succeeding socially isn't as hard as they might make it look.

If you actually read all of that...thank you. I had no idea how long this was going to be before I wrote it, and I am mainly using this as a way to begin formulating my thoughts on these topics.

nullibicity · 2013-12-08T14:37:48+00:00

Because she has a boyfriend. Because you may lose control of your bodily functions. Because her boyfriend may be responsible for your losing control of your bodily functions.

Title	A question to ask yourself.
Author	Sheppard_Beck
Upvotes	112
Comments	27
Date	December 7, 2013 9:10 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1sc9as/a_question_to_ask_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-question-to-ask-yourself.1362697 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362697

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