I just really prefer being alone - and it's an issue

Sofa_King_Greatx1000 · 2014-01-05T17:24:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

_oscilloscope · 2014-01-05T20:54:02+00:00

Okay, some questions from one introvert to another:

What exactly are you hoping to get from this post?
Do you want to be in a relationship, or do you just want to have sex more?
Is it that you don't enjoy talking to other people, or you just get "tired" or "drained" by it after a while?
What is the reason you don't like going out at night?
Why don't you think you can keep women engaged for a long time?
Is it that you are only willing to talk about specific topics, or just don't "know" how to talk about other topics?
Do you self identifiy as an introvert or is it just what people have told you?

2014-01-06T00:13:28+00:00

Don't let introversion be an excuse to be reclusive

Being introverted just means you get your energy from being alone, vs. extroversion where you get energy from hanging out and socializing with different people.

I used to be like you. I thought that I just wasn't meant to be social like other people because I am an introvert. But you know what? that's bullshit. We are social animals. I was just making excuses to not go out and avoid social anxiety. Yes I get fucking exhausted at football games and I get terrified at nightclubs, but so what if I'm not a social thrill seeker. There are clear mental benefits of going out and having friends and a social life.

But forget this theoretical bullshit, let's have a case study: Last school year, I lived in my university's dorm hall. There were people everywhere, and I made lots of friends. And you know what? I had a FUCKING blast because of it. Sure I didn't join a fraternity or go to every football game, and there were a few weekends where I was comfortable being alone, but who gives a shit? Compare that to my last semester of school where I stayed home at my parents house and never went out. I elevated my depression, my self-esteem lowered signicantly, and I grew incredibly lonely. For the first time since high school I was contemplating suicide. Doesn't seem so normal to me.

Being an introvert is fucking awesome. It makes studying enjoyable, and being able to relax with your thoughts is a luxury extroverts typically don't have. In fact, introversion is a great common trait among musicians, artists, writers, and programmers because these are all activities that require hours and hours of time spent alone practicing. However, I'm not going to let you justify reclusion. You need to have friends and you need to be social, otherwise you will just grow out of touch with reality. Unless you are Bruce Wayne with a bajillion million dollars, you can't afford to be alone.

POOR_IMPULSE_CONTR0L · 2014-01-05T16:09:22+00:00

Learned behavior. The body resists new things till they become your new habit. /thread.

Sorry, there is no easy way to get per ring an introvert, just like there is no easy way to get over going to the gym.

You can ease yourself into it though. Get involved in a group of people who have similar interests as you and force yourself to socialize with them as often as possible. This will get your social muscles growing and it will be easier than cold approach. Once you're a more social person push yourself to be more social with more strangers.

Edit: you could also get a job that requires you to be social but is close to your interests, like at a tech store or something.

quintin3265 · 2014-01-05T14:56:03+00:00

I don't see why what you're saying is a problem.

There is a social stigma attached to choosing solitary activities, and people often attach labels to those who prefer to be alone. Many people, especially parents, can't understand why someone would choose such a lifestyle. A lot of people were taught from birth that what you do is grow up, find a wife, have kids, try to move into a nice suburb, and work a 9-to-5 job at an office. Those people never stop to consider that there are other options.

If you're not interested in meeting women (rather than wanting to but being afraid), then why press yourself to do so? I realized long ago that what is discussed in this forum is not for me, because I like my own space, my freedom, and the ability to set my own schedule. You have to give up a lot to be in a relationship, and that isn't for everyone.

CaptainFaggotHands · 2014-01-05T15:14:15+00:00

Life starts at the end of your comfort zone, as corny as that sounds, it's true.

Why do you only want to talk about things you like? Don't you think that is a bit egotistical? Why not take the time to learn about interests of others, perhaps you can relate to them? How deep do you go with the conversation?

Have you asked her about her life, her philosophy, what she wants to achieve, experience, places she visited and wants to visit, etc. I'm sure that you can find common ground eventually and expand on that.

chriscalo123 · 2014-01-06T01:11:36+00:00

You usually develop a taste for these things. If you've had poor experiences in the past, then it's normal for you to feel this way.

Sometimes we have so much fun 'being alone' that being with other people doesn't seem as pleasurable. That's usually because we've had so much practice at being alone that we became REALLY good at it.

When dealing with girls, if you haven't developed the enjoyment of 'being with a girl/human being', then you'll be craving the things you do when you're alone more. (ie: playing videogames, reading, etc).

Solutions to test: Cut out all the 'fun stuff' you do alone for a while... you'll find that hanging out with a girl can be really fun.

TheBuffaloEggs · 2014-01-05T17:02:07+00:00

If you don't like talking to other women and getting to know them and you're pretty solitary then why force it? Who's forcing you to go out and talk to women (or even people in general) and learn what they're interested in?

magnue · 2014-01-05T18:28:36+00:00

Surely if 'it's an issue', then you don't actually prefer it?

shitsfuckedupalot · 2014-01-05T22:47:24+00:00

You think there arent girls like that? Theyre out there waiting for you

mrwinalot · 2014-01-05T22:54:33+00:00

I'm the same way.. The is absolutely nothing wrong with it. As long as you are happy. That is what matters.

2014-01-05T16:39:09+00:00

You prefer being alone because it's easy and within your comfort zone.

JaNOMaly · 2014-01-05T21:07:32+00:00

If you REALLY prefered being alone then there is no issue. Be alone. Be happy. If you're unhappy then you have changes to make. Make them. Be happy.

ada11ah · 2014-01-05T21:15:28+00:00

If you want a girl for the long term and you have to act differently from your true self and "game" her constantly, what's the point? You don't have to adjust your personality to find girls. You should find girls who fit your personality.

I think I'm in the same boat as you. These days, I'll still make the effort to get to know a girl initially (because introvert or not, that's the way the game is played), and as soon as it becomes clear that we're not compatible, I stop pursuing. This wouldn't have been the case when I was younger, but as I get more older, more experienced, and better at meeting women, I can filter my options and go for the ones I really mesh with.

CHEEKY_BADGER · 2014-01-06T02:10:46+00:00

make sure youre being honest withyourself

Megafiend · 2014-01-06T05:22:58+00:00

I was hitting random sub-reddit and i came across this one. I consider myself to be massively introverted, in school I thought people were idiotic for going out with each other. I was lucky in that through the years my friends and I did alot of different stuff and met alot of different people.

I never considered myself to be this comfortable in a relationship but i am. You will find whatever it is that you want.

Also i saw someone saw getting a job/forcing yourself to be more social helps. It does. My Friday nights would ideally be sitting by myself in a darkened room, then i got a job in a nightclub. you get used to shit.

Madhouse221 · 2014-01-06T11:51:37+00:00

Maybe go for different women? Women who also enjoy their own company. You won't did them at the clubs. Strengthen your day game, approach girls at the supermarket or library.

2014-01-06T15:51:13+00:00

It's sounds like you are introverted because of fear of the future.

azbnjg · 2014-01-06T21:58:53+00:00

I can't believe someone hasn't linked http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1omu2f/a_neurotic_introverts_guide_to_seduction/

that guide is Gold.

rambopr · 2014-01-05T16:04:18+00:00

That third paragraph you put is things i find interesting, but it seems people my age only talk about pointless shit such as celebrities' lives (which i have no clue about because i dont give a fu k) and think it's wierd when i want to talk their beliefs and ideals

shokodemon · 2014-01-05T17:22:29+00:00

while it might not be a problem - you might want to check your thyroid - you might have hypothyroidism which messes your hormones up.

ejpusa · 2014-01-06T06:42:55+00:00

From the heart of Hipsterville, Brooklyn, New York. Being alone is fast becoming the "Cool" thing to do. It's kind of a movement. The Hipster Barometer is usually pretty accurate in predicting things, love it or hate it. And the buzz is "Aloneness is now cool". So you are actually ahead of the pack. AKA "Trailblazer", so not an issue at all.

p477on · 2014-01-06T04:45:26+00:00

Hey man, I just finished reading a book called "Quiet" by Susan Cain. You'd probably really enjoy it.

HappyJerk · 2014-01-05T16:51:32+00:00

Hi all, so I'm a crazy introvert, meaning I usually like to be alone, or only engage in conversation about a certain topic or manner.

Fact is, you're selfish. You only like to talk about people about what YOU want to talk about, not about what THEY want to talk about. Part of being an adult in the modern world is that sometimes you have to have conversations that you don't find awesome with people. That's the only way to get ahead in the business world and the dating world as well. If you only talk to girls when the topic is something you find fascinating then guess what? You're gonna die alone.

Here's an article I wrote about this topic: http://playersjourney.net/tips-introverts/

The major takeaway is that you have to learn to be fake. Sometimes you're gonna have conversations you aren't interested in. Pretend to be interested anyway. I know most introverts are "above" that (which is why they spend all day on the internet rather than interacting with real people), but you're gonna have to break that habit.

2014-01-05T19:38:15+00:00

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roennowmads · 2014-01-06T01:44:37+00:00

You could try this: Stop watching porn and masturbating.

Try it for a month or two and see if it makes a difference. It might make you feel less like being alone.

brocahantas · 2014-01-05T16:18:48+00:00

Hi all, so I'm a crazy introvert, meaning I usually like to be alone

That's not what introverted means.

Psychol324 · 2014-01-05T16:43:21+00:00

I went on Friday to a cinema(Wolf of the Wall Street cool film btw.), when I came back I was wasted like I was working in a coal mine, every outdoor activity is draining me as hell.

Title	I just really prefer being alone - and it's an issue
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	172
Comments	77
Date	January 5, 2014 2:08 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ugk3b/i_just_really_prefer_being_alone_and_its_an_issue/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-just-really-prefer-being-alone-and-its-an-issue.1364005 https://theredarchive.com/post/1364005

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