I really don't know what to talk about

RonnieLibra · 2014-09-19T17:12:22+00:00

TL;DR - This is AWESOME advice.. ;)

One of the most common things new guys deal with. Lucky for you I've helped tons of guys with this already.

You do everything I tell you, and you'll be fine as wine...

1 - Basic Basic - Random Noun Generation Drill - I won't even edit this homework exercise I give guys straight from my bootcamp.

http://www.desiquintans.com/noungenerator.php - This is to help you be able to come up with conversational topics on the fly - to avoid running out of things to say. Do this once a day EVERY DAY - of course the more you do it the better you will get so feel free to do it more often. You will generate 10 words. I would like you to create a story using the words IN ORDER. Recite out loud without trying too hard to think ahead. The goal is to be able to work out a story on the fly very quickly. The END goal is to be able to wing off your conversations with women and talk about virtually anything.

Tie the story together to make sense.

**Example with 3 words:

Joseph Measure Pediatrician**

WRONG - Joseph is a cool guy. I use my ruler to measure. My kids got sick so I took them to the pediatrician.

RIGHT - So I was chilling with my friend Joseph the other day. We were trying to measure the size of his new deck I was helping him build. All of a sudden we get a call from his wife, who tells us his daughter got sick from eating something and that she had to be rushed to the pediatrician.

Notice the difference? One is random bullshit - the other makes sense. You don't get to write these words down into a story - You should be able to do this on the fly and out loud in a conversation.

2 - Learn a Routine or Two - I know people in the new-school of pickup have mixed feeling of using routines as not being "authentic" or some such nonsense, but when you have NOTHING to say, it's good to add a couple canned things to the mix just to get your mouth moving. If you memorize and practice (in the mirror) a couple cool ass routines you can use them for a while as training wheels because what you think is your problem (not knowing what to say) isn't really your problem (fear), but we'll get to that in a moment. For now, get a couple good routines to try, and I don't mean cheezy openers, I mean shit you can talk about to a girl. There are thousands of routines all over the internet but I'll link you up with a short article that has a short selection of Super Solid ones that my wingman Sonics created back in the day. He has Shitloads of success so these are pure gold.

Sonics's Routines and Techniques

3 - Confront your fear - Almost every guy I take on bootcamp says the same thing at first, and then once we handle it it's like BAM, they are getting laid. They say, "I don't know what to say."

But the thing is, what that really is, is your EGO playing FEAR tricks on you. If you think about talking to your friends, or people you know well, ask yourself this question, "Do you know what to say to them?"

And I'm willing to bet that never stops the conversation from flowing.

So what's really going on? EGO doesn't like to admit that you're (it's) afraid. So it make convenient masks for your fear like, "I don't know what to say", then it attaches that thought to you and instead of, "I'm afraid to go talk to those girls," you think, "I don't know what to say."

The reality is, that once guys get past their fear of approach, and get over their fear of being in set, they start talking to women, NO PROBLEM.

I have seen students, with a little work, go into sets just a couple hours of saying," I don't know what to say," and they are sitting there talking to girls for like an hour, making out, and leaving with them.

I have also seen a few of them talk to a chick for 20 minutes and then tell me later, "I still don't know what to say."

Then I say, "Ok. So remember that girl you were talking to for 20 minutes? If you didn't know what to say you wouldn't have been in that conversation for 20 minutes. So apparently you DO know what to say, and you have, up until now, been bullshitting yourself.

So whenever, from now on, you feel that thought, "I don't know what to say," go anyway. If you are practicing steps 1 and 2 you will be much better off anyway but ALWAYS challenge your limiting beliefs.

4 - AGENDA Driven - So this one is tricky. Another reason you get choked up about what to say is the AGENDA of, "I want something from her." Once we all find out about game, we also come to the realization that we want something from women. Well, that tends to make it difficult for guys because they go into sets thinking, "I don't know what to say... ...so that this woman will give me a blowjob later" The thought in italics (or a similar 'I want something' from her thought) is almost silent to the point of not noticing. But it's there. Trust me. Otherwise WHY would anyone CARE if they knew what to say or not?

So the key is, learn to let go of the AGENDA. Become OUTCOME INDEPENDENT. Right now you are learning a SKILLSET. So allow yourself to NOT be attached to your agenda of what you want, or the outcome of the conversation. Get in there and mix it up and even when you don't know what to say, fucking STAND there for a couple, few minutes and take the heat so you get used to uncomfortable silences.

Another thing you can do is, if you like her and/or things are going well, say, "You know what? I ran out of things to say. Your turn."

If she likes you back, she will totally make an effort.

5 - Mindset - If you listen to a group of women, they have NO structure to their topics of conversation.
On my FB group I wrote this one night.

"I go out, sometimes, even when I got work to do and take my laptop with me to do shit OUT. So, I just wanted to repost something I just posted on the main board.

Guys are always trying to figure out what to talk to girls about.

4 girls at a table. I am listening as I drink my red wine.

-Biscuits and Gravy -French Toast is better than Pancakes -Blueberry syrup is disgusting -My dad is gonna be 60 -She looks so much older than my dad -Pharmacy -Something about the dentist and getting something for a whole year which is -awesome -Hard to tell but then back to food

This is about 3 minutes of my time paying attention.

Moral of the story - they are ALL over the place. If you are a guy trying to figure out the right thing to say you are wasting your time. They don't even have a thread. They just talk about everything. Now they are talking about the drinks they just got. "Who's gonna go first?" "It tastes like blah blah." "It's not gross at all..."

Now they are talking about Trannys and fighting... Oh wait. Nope. Changed to she still has a sticker on her car and on to something else faster than I can type."

Don't get so caught up in what to talk about. Honestly you can probably talk about Toothpaste if you are doing it in a fun, interesting or passionate way.

But the MAIN step to all this is, GET IN THERE and MIX it up. Fuck what your mind (ego) tells you, you can and can't do. Go anyway. Get over that fear, use a few training wheels to get there and soon you will be swimming in vagina juice. ;)

BONUS - Momentum - So here's something you can start to do NOW. Start creating for yourself a persona that is NATURALLY social. The way to do that is yo go out and start chatting up everyone. That means, old people, guys, the lady at the counter of the grocery store, random people who look interesting. Create that vibe in yourself of being the normal social guy. You can start out by just going down a crowded street and saying 'Hi' to like 10 or 20 people, WITHOUT worrying about how they react, respond or even if they do. Then when you're at a coffeeshop you can try to strike up a quick conversation with someone in line, or the barista. Wherever you are just kind of start chatting someone up. At first you will feel clunky but you are building momentum. Trust me. Once you build that momentum over time what you used to think was difficult will seem easier and new challenges will arise.

The bonus to this is two-fold. 1 - When you do this over time you will feel, think and act more social naturally. 2 - Your vibe will change so that NOW when you approach those women you want, you will PROJECT on some level to her that YOU are NATURALLY social, that it's not just the women you talk to. And that will make the conversation flow much easier.

Bonus 2 - IMPROV Classes - If you want something fun to do, take an Improv class. That's exactly what they teach - how to talk, act when you are on the fly.

Lot's of stuff in this post - get to work ... ;)

Questions, Comments, Concerns?

sakurafice · 2014-09-19T15:25:07+00:00

Sorry to say it bro, you really have to understand you CAN talk about anything you want.
you have to be entertained by it yourself, and SHOW IT.
You could be spitting mad shit, but if you don't have the energy behind it, it doesn't mean jack.
Learning to express yourself is one of the most important skills you have to learn, everything else is just pretend

Try make whatever you're talking about relatable to her (dumb down complex topics if you have to) and ask her questions (e.g. what does she think?).
It also helps to be in the moment. Look around you, there'll be a myriad of characters/happenings you can discuss.

BUT: An easy way to make the conversation more engaging off the bat is to make an assumption about her (e.g. are you an artist?). People care about their image, so it can illicit a strong response (I barely use this, but it's a good place to start)

252003 · 2014-09-19T15:20:25+00:00

I had an epiphany not to long ago. People go to bars to talk. They don't go to learn something or to be intellectually stimulated. They just want to be in a group of people blabbering. I was often to quiet because there wasn't anything meaningful for me to say. So say something that isn't meaningful. For a lot of people talking for the sake of talking makes sense. I still see talking as a way of exchanging relevant information but I am not a women.

Tombstone31 · 2014-09-19T15:41:45+00:00

Major props to Juggler for everything I'm about to say:

First, good conversation centers on one topic: you and the person you're talking to. Stop thinking about it in terms of subjects. You're not exchanging facts; you're talking about how you and your conversational partner relate to the world around you. You are an individual, and you have literally a billion opinions, views, and thoughts about the world around you. Share them, and find out what hers are!

Second, when you first meet someone, your conversation is by necessity going to be somewhat shallow. You're going to talk about what you both do, where you're from, what you're drinking, who you're there with. The actual content of this conversation doesn't matter in the least. But it's important for two reasons: first, it gives a girl a sense of your vibe and your general personality. Are you serious? Goofy? Funny? Slick? Fun loving? That's the kind of thing that you're demonstrating. Second, it's important because it establishes a baseline for "who you are." Once you've established that you're a good guy, for example, you can make an off color joke, and she'll know it's a joke. If you start with the same off color joke, she might think you're just an asshole.

kawumm · 2014-09-19T15:48:26+00:00

i would certainly not consider myself an expert on the matter, in fact i am rather introverted. However, probably due to being introverted or the other way around, i consider myself a very reflected person and have had more success when i:

Was slightly drunk and/or stoned (EMPHASIS ON SLIGHTLY ESPECIALLY FOR THE STONED PART) - pretty much boils down to being in the zone, having a good time, being relaxed, and most importantly, NOT thinking about how you would go about getting that women into your bed. At least not from the get-go.

TL;DR: Don't think too much.

Now of course, this is "just" a head thing, and still doesn't give any actual topics to talk about. Realize, however, that not being able to think about shit is usually BECAUSE you're thinking too much and not being authentic. you don't have trouble with talking to friends, either, and that is not just because you know what they're interested in and share those interests, but also because you aren't as inhibited to touch certain subjects when you're around them. i often catch myself thinking how i shouldn't say this or that because it might scare her away, and once i'm getting these thoughts, it's going downhill... my inner monologue sounds something like

"ok, another topic, another topic.. hm... c'mon brain, gimme a topic ah yea that might work but wait no that might make her think that i'm weird oh fuck you head just shut up"

and the head should shut up. it's best to just speak from the gut. I'm not trying to say that you should just communicate via grunts or something, heavens no women love witty, intelligent men. but women are also very aware of social queues and the likes, they often know and hate it when men try to be someone else just to get them.

nontheless, there are rough guidelines. I've had formidable success with pointing out minor quirks about her, kinda boils down to teasing; the tricky part about that is that we're walking a thin line here, and whenever i try to force it, i tend to overdo it and am kinda mean. sounds familiar, right?

now to finally add something like an example:

i personally like to focus on their personality. i recently called a woman out on being a bit of a control freak - she was a very open, intelligent and talkative person and gave me quite a lot to work with, so i guess it was sort of easy. also, birthday party with lots of drinks for the both of us, i was at what i like to call my "sweet spot" when drinking - the 30-60 minutes where i feel like king of the world. we had talked like for 30 - 45 minutes before, she really got interested once i told her some basic thoughts i had about pedagogics (i used a really nice metaphor that i can't be bothered to translate) , since she was a teacher and i am a caretaker for the mentally challenged, i thought it to be something that we both cared about. i'm good with language and expressed my though process rather eloquently: basically i just said that people cannot be forced to learn something and teachers can only provide a good environment for them to develop intrinsic motivation. but i digress.

now one might think calling a woman out on loving to have power (some context, she was talking about how she had lived in multiple shared houses and has always been the person the contract was sealed with, and the one that ultimately decided who would move in and who wouldn't) is the best way to get hit by a woman, and i guess it often would be, but in this case, she was seriously impressed by my observational skills - she kept mentioning how i figured her out so fast, even the next day. talk about ego boost ;)

anyway, i realize these are rather good circumstances, but i seriously doubt that talking has to be superficial for very long. just observe something, express how you feel and think about this or that, and then let her go. pay attention to how she behaves. show her that you notice stuff about her, and that your head works just fine.

of course, that doesn't work well in a club. then again, talking in general does not work well in a club, you should probably work with dancing and physically escalating there... not much need to talk, really. tell her she's dancing like... whatever she's dancing like or something. comment her drink.

hope this was helpful, sorry for rambling... the example wasn't great as in, i didn't have to classically open her because we shared some friends, but it's the best i got :/

vandaalen · 2014-09-19T15:03:54+00:00

Ask questions without interrogating them and let them do the talk. They like the sound of their voice.

braunheiser · 2014-09-19T15:05:25+00:00

I always wonder the same thing. I'm really not good at small talk. I can make a woman remember me forever after 1 date but I can't hold more than a 30 second conversation with a stranger. I'm 26 and feel too old to be doing silly shit like playfully making fun of other people in the bar or doing/saying something to tease a random girl like I'm back in a schoolyard. Plus I'm tired of the type of girl that sort of activity attracts, boring and superficial as fuck.

Give me something to go on and I'm fine, like talking about the same class you're in at the gym or joking about foods in a grocery store and I'm set. but this whole picking up girls in a bar/club is an untamed beast for me.

johnnymaddick · 2014-09-19T16:20:14+00:00

Being not able to easily start a fun interaction or a small talk with a stranger is the problem of a lot of the modern society men. We are taught to be like that, this way is better for governments, police, church, easier to control the society. Unfortunately, attraction is in the absence of logic, in childishness, in playfulness, in fun, the things that create emotions. We are attracted by the older parts of our bodies that dont have a language. Language is in the neocortex - the very new part of our brain, that is not responsible for attraction. Therefore

1: You cannot attract by simply logical conversation
2: it doesnt matter what you talk about if you invoke emotions in her. Any kind of emotions, the stronger the better, since emotions shut down her conscious mind and shift her into animalistic state where you talk with your bodies. You dont even need to talk about anything if you can create emotions.

Do you talk about science, philosophy, psychology, politics, religion during sex? NO. Talking about these thing wont get you there either. Then again, you can talk about it if you know how to deliver energy, emotions, and get you outside of her social frame.

Here is 2 mind shifting exercises for you:

Dont say anything. Use your hands body, objects around you, and let her know this way that she is attractive and you want to have a date (or sex, if you feel adventurous) with her.
Talk to her in a language she doesnt understand. I normally say: "I just had a conversation about nonverbal communication and that words carry only 10% of the message. Do you agree? Lets have a short experiment. Talk to me in a language that I dont understand, and I will talk to you in a language that you dont understand. And then lets see if we could guess the message. But the message must be really strong". (If she doesnt speak anything foreign, proceed alone). Then you give her a description of how you would take her home and had wild sex with her in details. See if she could guess. Dont be afraid to tell her you were talking about sex with her, since this is the strongest message and she should have been able to get that.

Both instruments give you plausible deniability for touching her, thus kino escalation.

The second routine is like a nuke for her brains, use with caution!!

Wear protection,

Johnny Maddick, The Man, The Legend / www.DatingWithAccent.com

thebeautifulstruggle · 2014-09-19T17:29:36+00:00

Problem might be where you are approaching women. If you are not comfortable with making small chat in a club, then you should be trying to meet women in other places that having discussions about philosophy, psych, etc. is more effective. In a club it matters very little in what you say but how you say it - if you display confidence and a sense of fun is whats important. Clubs are really meat markets where people's first impressions are all about appearance and presentation, that's why all that loud music is there, not to help you chat but to dance. If you really have your heart set on meeting girls at clubs go with a medium size group of friends, pick a very visible spot that draws a lot of attention, and have a very good raucous time with lots of drinks, joking, and friendly chatting. You will naturally be noticed and when you see people you can try to bring them into the discussion or just check out who else is around and introducing yourself. Either bring them into what ever discussion your friends are having or what ever discussion they are having. Have some interesting opening lines about something interesting in the headlines: e.g.

Hey have you been watching the World Cup? What's your favourite team? Nice, mines is Brazil, and their going to kick your teams ass! Have you been to that country? Nice, I been there/want to go there because of this/that Where else have you been? Where do you plan on going next?

I generally find travel-tourism is a pretty neutral topic that everyone wants to talk about.

destinys_parent · 2014-09-19T17:30:01+00:00

You can talk about anything as long as you do it confidently and don't take yourself too seriously. I dare you to go approach a group of girls with the stupidest topic of conversation.

DaygameCoach · 2014-09-19T18:37:46+00:00

Why are you going to clubs? They aren't great for talking, regardless of the subject. Maybe you should either learn actual "dance game" (a lot of that is banter) or switch to chiller bars or daygame.

I agree with the guy who said that you can talk with women about a variety of subjects, including the ones you are into. With the subjects you are into, try targeting bookstores and college campuses, and coffeehouses near college campuses. You can tailor it to a chill bar too.

Why wouldn't it matter what you talk about? Oh...you mean...it matters more HOW you talk about things! true. Learn to write and tell DHV stories.

Cuisine, daygamer.net

sep11insidejob · 2014-09-19T20:15:16+00:00

There are book out there about small talk. Read them all

seb_sational · 2014-09-19T20:51:43+00:00

I usually open with a question asking their opinion about social media. This may sound silly, but you have plenty of different options: snapchat, tinder, facebook, twitter etc. You can almost use it to tease them. I don't have facebook and a lot of girls ask why and then I just make stories up (like the first post) to make things interesting. I don't really think it matters what you say. Small talk in a club like politics and economics is not the greatest way to interact IMO.

Luckyluke23 · 2014-09-20T04:55:06+00:00

I just talk shit man. but follow Rommielibras advice it's pretty good..

just don't fall on the rutines so much... if you go back to the same place I have it can bite you on the ass...

blastanova · 2014-09-20T07:14:38+00:00

I can talk about science, philosophy, psychology, politics, religion for hours and hours. But those topics are not "cool" in a club environment.

If you really think that topics like science, philosophy, psychology cannot be made "entertaining" for a bar audience, I recommend that you check out some creative non-fiction. Freakonomics is a pretty popular example, or anything by Malcolm Gladwell.

The basic crux of creative non-fiction is that people love listening to stories, so you can make any subject interesting if you find a way to turn it into a story. A lot of standup comedy is based around this.

Title	I really don't know what to talk about
Author	astrokidd
Upvotes	117
Comments	39
Date	September 19, 2014 1:04 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2guvlq/i_really_dont_know_what_to_talk_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-really-dont-know-what-to-talk-about.1376805 https://theredarchive.com/post/1376805