Precidence for non court order monetary assistance.

Is0prene · 2024-03-17T09:53:21+00:00

I thought the same thing. Do everything in my power to have the kids stay in the house. Help her out in any way possible right? Well after orchestrating the craziest deal to help her get the house, 1 year later she has to sell the house due to mounting credit card debt. When I went over there she had new shelves in the garage, new bike mounts racks, a huge new tool mobile cabinet, a huge ass gun safe and even got herself a gun. She bought a treadmill and a whole bunch of other stuff. I mean stuff nobody ever needs. I used to stop her from buying shit like this, but I guess once I left the flood gates opened and she drove herself into a spending spree. There goes all my child support down the drain. Maybe I wasn't such an asshole and knew what I was talking about when it came to financial decisions...

Anyway. Your kids are better off with you taking care of yourself. Forget her. She's no longer your responsibility and DO NOT let her make you think you are doing this for the kids. She will use those kids as a shield and hide behind them. Don't fall for it. SELL THE HOUSE.

Fit_One_7657 · 2024-03-17T03:11:19+00:00

Don’t do it,

You can kiss that money goodbye. When my STBX left I split my paycheck 50/50 with her, since I didn’t want my kids to have to suffer while she wasn’t bringing in any income, plus I figured it would be considered a prepayment of child/spousal support once the court finally ordered it. I ended up paying her close to 20k before the judge finally gave the initial order for support payments, and after fighting tooth and nail, I was able to get $6,000 of the $20,000 I gave her credited on my child support.

jimsmythee · 2024-03-17T02:24:59+00:00

Don't do it. You know why? It's because you'll have SUCKER tattooed on your forehead.

Here is what is going to happen. YOu'll give her $1000 a month "just until next year when she gets the promotion at work."

But there will be delays in getting that promotion. And she'll still want that $1000/month as a gift. It'll keep going on and on until 1 of 2 things happen;

You finally realize she's never going to get that promotion, because it was just a ploy to get money out of you.

She already got the promotion, but she just liked the extra $1000/month, so she didn't tell you that she got it.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-16T18:39:43+00:00

And what’s she going to do if she doesn’t get said promotion or even worse gets laid off?

Don’t make deals based on hypothetical future solutions.

I mean it’s really up to you but I wouldn’t expect to see a penny given back if you loan her anything. It’s tough with the kids involved

Business_Owl_69 · 2024-03-16T17:27:11+00:00

You could make it a loan where she must refinance in a couple years to pay you back or something like that. Or she has to sell at that point if she can't refinance to pay you back. Just get a lawyer to draft the agreement so you can enforce it.

captainchippsixx · 2024-03-16T15:47:41+00:00

You give her $1000 a month. You get the kids on the taxes. Make a trade of equal value. Or You keep $12000 in retirement funds that come off the table.

In general don’t do anything you do t want to though.

I let my kids stay in the home. It did benefit them as in school district.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-03-16T15:06:57+00:00

First off. The keeping the house for the kids is an absolute fallacy. As soon as YOU leave that house, it’s no longer a home. Add to this, you need to create two comfortable homes for your kids. You deserve that. $1,000 a month is a big chunk towards a good home for you and the kids.

Second. You need to think about a year down the road when she brings some new dude around. How will your kids feel about some guy sleeping in YOUR bed? How will you feel about that?

Third, you need to let the process and not emotions dictate financials. It’s math and it’s that simple. There’s no gifting in divorce. It’s a business transaction.

Fourth, never ever make a decision based on speculation. She may never get a promotion. She may get fired. Which leads me to my last point-

Fifth, sever everything you possibly can in the decree. Do not put contingencies in the decree like selling the home, or staying on mortgage or whatever. If you are lucky, the only contact you should have with her is co-parenting. Based on your prior posts, you’ll end up parallel parenting.

she_said_its_fine · 2024-03-16T14:49:42+00:00

I'm working on somehow similar arrangements with my wife for the separation that is due to happen in 2 weeks. She wants to stay at the house, I'm fine with that because of the kids, she cannot afford to just take over the mortgage. As of now (still in works), in addition to child support, I'm offering half the difference between mortgage and similar sized home rents in relatively close area. I personally would be cautious with support beyond case resolution. This is in WA.

Title	Precidence for non court order monetary assistance.
Author	Rustic_Father
Upvotes	3
Comments	13
Date	March 16, 2024 2:12 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bg6zi2/precidence_for_non_court_order_monetary_assistance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/precidence-for-non-court-order-monetary-assistance.1426020 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426020

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