Flirting is the hardest skill known to man, or at least known to me..

norwegiandoggo · 2024-02-28T18:16:14+00:00

I think you did fine but this was in the elevator so you were pressed for time. Try to hit on women that probably will stay around for a bit longer so you can get to know them. Target selection.

The_Core_Shadow · 2024-02-28T18:56:30+00:00

Maybe its just me but the whole.conversation sounds a little cringey to me. I think you made her feel uncomfortable and the whole thing has this "try-hard" vibe. Like youre trying to be everything at the same time. Youre trying to be polite but also weirdly confident (you literally met her seconds ago and are already telling her you might invite her to your country? .. that sounds super fake and presumptious) ... also you insisting on her guessing your country even though she obviously didnt care and then even saying her first guess was not good enough... its hard to judge without being there but from how you describe it the whole conversation seems to be rather uncomfortable for her. I would not be surprised if she tried to avoid sharing the elevator with you in the future.

mab87117 · 2024-02-28T19:28:33+00:00

When i first went to college i went around making the most awkward conversations with all the girls i saw and every time i beat myself up for being so cringe i just didn’t think of it too much and told myself that it is the only way for me to get better at it, i won’t say im some sort of casanova now but if u normalise awkwardness it becomes soooo much easier so my advice, do it fuck it make it the worst possible scenario and be comfortable with it only then you will really be able to have a fulfilling RS one day

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-02-28T18:53:31+00:00

I wouldn't advise trying to flirt in a lift. It could go horribly wrong.

MagneticVibez3000 · 2024-02-28T19:34:45+00:00

Flirting is only hard cause you're stuck in your head

AnthonyPillarella · 2024-02-29T01:00:43+00:00

This started great, but I do see where it went wrong.

She came behind me in the elevator doorway I didn’t see her so didn’t hold the door for her. So when she entered I said
Me: sorry didn’t see you enter behind me
she: don’t worry I didn’t notice.
Me: jokingly said I know you’d probably say what a rude guy didn’t hold the door for me.

Clean open.

It's a good joke, and you didn't crumble or give up when she gave you a neutral response at first. Well done.

Then asked about her name,
I replied saying “that seems like an Arabic name”.

A classic. Not one I've used as a non-ethnic white dude, but I've seen it go well for friends.

She: Yeah I’m Iranian, where are you from.

She answered, then asked a question in return. By no means a guarantee but a good sign.

Me: Guess
She: Middle east.
Me: Be more specific that’s not considered a guess.

Here's where you lost it.

I'm certain that last line sounded better than it reads, and I know you were going for a fun/challenging feel, but it reads badly.

And something that reads that badly needs excellent delivery to work with someone new. Too little emphasis and it comes off demanding and rude, too much and it's cartoonish - which is at least better than demanding and rude.

If you flub it, the whole interaction tanks.

As a rule, try to avoid "no" if possible.

Safer options:
- "I mean...technically, haha. Want to try more specific?" Same thing, but "almost" instead of "no."
- "Yeah! Bahrain, actually" and move on. Totally fine.
- Or if you were born in the states: "California, actually haha. Kidding, my family's from Bahrain."

headphones on

This is your sign that it tanked.

If she goes from responding to putting a barrier between you like that, it's over.

the rest

This is where people are reading it as cringey: You tried to flirt after she signaled disinterest.

Don't do that. If/when you catch another signal like that, just take the lesson and leave her be. It's okay, this part of the process.

This is also why I don't love telling noobs to use the "guess" line.

It's one word, it's easy to remember, you'd think it's great for someone new. But it's so easy to run into these dicey areas. I tried it early on, and kept having interactions go the way yours did.

You'd be surprised that a single word is so difficult to pull off.

Jolly-Jaguar8664 · 2024-02-28T18:20:33+00:00

Did you smile? Did you compliment her?

How do you know you weren't flirtatious enough? Maybe your conversation would have been good enough to exchange numbers and set up a meet up. Some first encounters are not super flirtatious but still have potential, but if you don't risk it, you never find out. Maybe she thinks: "Cute guy, I wonder why he did not ask for my number? Did I do something wrong?"

letsgetwizzyy · 2024-02-28T22:05:03+00:00

This wasn't a terrible exchange. Asking her to guess where you are from in an elevator setting (which presumably wouldn't last long) was stupid because obviously she's not going to guess you are from bahrain. Also, you continued to make small talk with her despite giving her no reason to care. You then said maybe you'd invite her one day, which makes no sense because you are conveying to the woman that she can have you .

You definitely escalated and you did flirt, just doing it in this context was stupid. Asking her to take a guess was good, but telling her to be more specific was a little aggressive (especially when this girl has no reason to care about you, you have demonstrated no value).

Also, that is considered a guess, you punished good behavior by telling her it wasn't good enough, which was naive. Slow down, be less intense, learn about rewarding good behaviors and punishing bad behaviors. Read up on push/pull.

This article details how to be more flirtatious/ fun in conversation: https://open.substack.com/pub/jackedguy/p/how-to-have-fun-and-playful-conversations?r=31tj3q&utm\_campaign=post&utm\_medium=web

Dismal-Revolution941 · 2024-02-28T21:22:29+00:00

I would say you are better than a lot of guys with flirting, just pick a moment where the woman has to leave to go somewhere

Good_Republic_1239 · 2024-02-28T21:52:00+00:00

Forgive me if my English is not coherent as it's not y first language. as a guy, Flirting works best when I'm making cold reads For example: Me: you seem like someone who cares alot what people think about you Her: laughs I guess I kinda feel that way sometimes but how did you know now this is a scenario where you are right but there are scenarios where you could be wrong and she's try to correct you like... Her: actually no I'm not that kind of person.. Me: well then what kind of person are you? she'll proceed to tell you about herself and you must be attentive enough to listen to AGAIN make a "cold read" also while talking to any girl maintain eye contact at least 80% of the time along with a subtle snile (not a full-on smile) it'll intimate them but in a good way but my emphasis is on making the cold reads ( it makes girls feel like you know them on another level that no other stranger can or ever has } like if she tells you about her siblings or her family you say something like "oh you seem like you love you family/ family oriented what I'm giving are just templates but you get the idea I'm trying to put across

ScaryTonight2748 · 2024-02-29T06:27:42+00:00

With how much of communication is non-verbal it's hard to even evaluate interactions lke this only knowing what was said which is as low as 7% where the other 93% is body language in tone. It varies depending on what type of communication but that't the figure usually quoted. I say this to point out that recalling her body-language and her tone would gleam a lot more insight than analyzing what was said i think. The same goes for how you could have made it more flirtatious it really doesn't matter what you say it's how you say it.

This is unrelated but it just made me think of it- The best advice I ever got was actually from a cool ass chick i knew that said don't send her selfies or try to win her with text or nudes or any of that shit. Send he voice recordings. She was 100000% correct it is insane how strongly they respond to auditory stimulation. They aren't visual like men are. That has been my experience anyway. Sending voice messages is how i got them from hey to omw like 99% of the time lol

ArcaneAces · 2024-02-29T10:26:38+00:00

I feel like you pressed too much on the guessing thing. Made her feel pressured, next time be less serious about it. Offer answers quickly and get the conversation going to where to uask for her details.

anou142 · 2024-02-28T20:57:41+00:00

Holding strong eye contact is 50% of flirting.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-28T19:56:23+00:00

Google Brent Smith Bulletproof Banter

No_Plan8250 · 2024-02-28T22:13:14+00:00

Me: jokingly said I know you’d probably say what a rude guy didn’t hold the door for me.. Then asked about her name, I replied saying “that seems like an Arabic name”.

This is okay.

She: Yeah I’m Iranian, where are you from. Me: Guess. She: Middle east. Me: Be more specific that’s not considered a guess.

A bit challenging, no?

The elevator opened and we entered and she went quiet and didn’t look at me, she probably put her headphones back on. When the elevator became just me and her, I said you still haven’t guessed, she guessed and I said no I’m from Bahrain

Way too much time on what could be considered a curiosity loop, which means the curiosity is long gone.

She said No. I said maybe I’d invite you one day and the elevator arrived at my floor and I left.

If the last bit was quicker, this may have been okay.

That's the breakdown.

What could have made it flirtier?

It could be location dependent (was this at your apartment complex, or work/uni? Or somewhere else? Ask a question about why she's there, if you're genuinely interested)

It could be heritage dependent (do you know any cool facts about Iran? I just found out they have their own calendar, NYD is the first day of spring)

It could be her dependent (compliments work, but they need to be genuine and not something she's complimented on all the time)

There are tonnes of ways to flirt, but before you get to that, you need to not hide (physiologically) that you are attracted to her. That changes your body language, your vocal tonation, and lots of other signals.

Open-Permission-9198 · 2024-02-29T04:15:26+00:00

This ain’t a movie dawg!!! Jay z voice

Title	Flirting is the hardest skill known to man, or at least known to me..
Author	Remarkable-North-994
Upvotes	48
Comments	36
Date	February 28, 2024 6:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1b2cwgn/flirting_is_the_hardest_skill_known_to_man_or_at/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/flirting-is-the-hardest-skill-known-to-man-or-at.1427409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1427409

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