How to deal with LTR getting vagina tingles over a D list musician offering her guest passes?

trpaderp · 2014-10-14T03:51:22+00:00

Imma go against the grain here. Dread game is not the answer. It is a wonderful tool but it won't work here. What kind of dread is bigger than her having a special weekend worshiping her fave musician? The issue here is that she's gonna go bang this musician and will come home to OP and lie to his face about it.

Look at the facts:

GF is into the musician
Musician is into GF
GF and Musician will be alone, out of state
Musician arranged special treatment for GF
GF wishes that Musician were her BF
GF is trying to lose weight for another man

We've all heard this story before. Maybe this girl is a unicorn. More likely she needs to be saved from herself. AWALT.

So forget dread game. Tell her the truth. You are uncomfortable with her spending the weekend away with the girls being hosted by a musician she explicitly said she has the hots for. Tell her truthfully that no, you do not trust her alone with this man and that this is one of those lines in the relationship. Don't try to control her. Simply let her know that if she goes on the trip, anything she doesn't pack will be on the curb before she makes it to the next state.

This is what holding frame is. The entire relationship is in the balance. You can put your future together in her hands (her frame) or your hands. Honestly, is this the kind of treatment you respect? What would you tell your best friend if he were in your shoes? And seriously, do you think she'd just let you go off, out of state with some supermodel who hooked you up with VIP tickets to some event?

P.S. Now that I read this over, I'm disgusted. What woman treats a stranger this well but not her man? If she had 30lbs to lose she should have been losing them for OP. Aside from everything here, OP needs to up his game. Lift, have interests, be aloof and amused. She's taking you for her patsy, man.

Rust_cole · 2014-10-14T04:12:03+00:00

You really do need to lay some law down here OP. If you don't, this guy will fuck your bitch and you will be on here in 4 months asking for advice on that situation. There's no reason, there's no fucking reason why your girlfriend should be so infatuated with a D list celeb. Here's what I would recommend (as others have so kindly pointed out, but with a little more)..

You tell her "You can go, do what you want to do, but I will not be here when you get back". Don't tell her she "can't go", just let her know the consequences of her disrespectful actions. If she chooses to go, you leave, if she chooses not to go, then you still have a long way to go with this girl in terms of what you're doing wrong. I want you to realize right here and now that this disrespect is not her fault it is your fault. You are failing to be all you can be right now. Whatever you are doing, whether it be not fucking her right, being too lazy, being too beta, not taking care of yourself or whatever it is, you need to figure it out and work on it. You're 4 years into this relationship. It's easy for you to become complacent and her to start feeling comfortable!

You're getting fucking lazy OP, you need to get back on your game. The moment she starts to get comfortable with you, she's going to keep pushing the limits, pushing pushing, pushing. She thinks this shit is okay and that her man is a push-over...but you're not right OP? So read the sidebar, put your chick in check and strengthen your fucking grip around her ponytail. Be the guy she wants to fuck, not D-list kathy griffin over there. You nip this shit in the fucking bud right now.

SecretagentK · 2014-10-14T02:23:26+00:00

I don't know all the details of your relationship but this is a giant red flag and a sure sign of potential branch swinging.

Reddthrown · 2014-10-14T12:30:03+00:00

Most of the time, I think people are too quick to say next.

Yet, if the above happened to me, I would dump the girl on the spot because she wants to fuck that musician and is openly and publicly making plans to do so. I would not put up with that.

I imagine you are too engrossed in the sunk costs fallacy to look at the large signs saying "I want to fuck him in public", but they are all here:

"On the ride home, my GF said how she has the biggest crush on him." She told you she wants to fuck him.
"we both know each other's celebrity crushes" She wants to fuck those guys, and you want to fuck those girls. I would not put up with that, but to each their own.
"She messaged him on FB saying he played a great show and how's she's disappointed his next show in the U.S. isn't until next year." She told him she wants to fuck him.
"Surprisingly he responded, and said that he can maybe get her guest passes." He wants to fuck her too.
"she said "I'll be going to the show with my friends this time"." She wants to fuck him, and does not want you in the way.
"The show will be out of state." She wants to fuck him, and you will not be in the way.
"Her Twitter has been flooded with stuff like "OMG can't wait to meet my dream man!" and "Why can't (musician) be my BF?"" She is announcing to the world that she wants to fuck him.
"And she's talking about how she needs to lose 30 pounds by the show." She plans to fuck him, and is telling the world how she will go about it.
"I'm not sure if I should just not give a shit about all this". You shouldn't, but you should dump her unless you are ok with her fucking the musician basically in public.
"should I call her out on this B.S." You can either ignore the fact that she will fuck him in public or dump her.
"How should I handle this one TRP?" Your call. I would be out.

Rosenmyah · 2014-10-14T03:00:53+00:00

I would say that if everything "goes as planned" for her, that she would without a doubt hookup with this guy. The biggest red flag is her not wanting you to go, even though you already stated that you are both big fans. Why wouldn't she invite you or want you to go. I agree to hold frame and try some dread game...maybe plan a night with a female the night she goes to the show and see how she reacts.

Red_Pill_Theory · 2014-10-14T13:49:51+00:00

Just break up with her. She's being incredibly disrespectful. First off, she's wanting to lose 30lbs for a show that's out of state without you there. The writing is on the wall. She wants to be as attractive as possible so that he fucks her. Plain and simple. Secondly, she's posting crap to social media about wishing someone else was her bf? Next.

Cocowaters · 2014-10-14T02:28:42+00:00

tough situation. complaining to her about it is only going to make her think less of you and more about him. girls jump ship the second they think they can do better. and there's always someone better than you. all you can really do is be the best man you can be.

and its one thing to post about it on social media. telling everyone she wishes the guy was you takes it too far imo.

WingsnLV · 2014-10-14T03:26:10+00:00

Definitely give updates. Sounds like she is planning on fucking this guy. Yeah he may be famous, but he went out of his way to hook her up with guest passes.

bobbybluepill · 2014-10-14T06:38:02+00:00

I know a lot of the guys on here are getting to the same point that I'm about to make, but I want to say it a bit differently...

Who cares about the circumstances? This is flat-out unacceptable. If the roles were reversed and he were getting back-stage passes to his favorite porn actress's next shoot, all the advice to the girl would be the same.

Do not plate this girl. Do not talk to this girl about it. Do nothing for this girl. Fuck this girl.

Here is what you do: Say nothing. Act as if this doesn't bother you at all. When she leaves, you immediately end the relationship. If you live together, pack your shit and let her find the home empty when she returns. If you do not live together, block her on all social media, block her number. Never talk to her again.

And absolutely do not tell her you're ending the relationship. Just end it and let her figure it out.

"Why can't (musician) be my BF?"

Ask...and you shall receive, bitch.

stillnoturday · 2014-10-14T06:47:46+00:00

As soon as I saw the "why can (musician) be my BF?" I would be out the door. Do you live with this chick if not radio silence and be done with it move on.

MightyTaint · 2014-10-14T04:18:43+00:00

This is what every LTR man may run into - when a man with higher SMV gives your woman attention. Telling her she can't go might sound like you are authoratative but it also sounds insecure.

Realize that no matter what you say or do that the fact remains that any woman will hookup with a high SMV male if they are given the opportunity.

[deleted] · Tue Oct 14 5:21:31 2014 UTC

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[deleted] · 2014-10-14T04:44:52+00:00

Tell her how you feel, in a calm, mature manner. Don't be emotional about it. You have to look in between the lines man, that's some disrespectful shit right there. She's posting nonsense on her Facebook, seeking validation since she knows someone who is a fucking D list musician. I personally know someone on a professional hockey team and we joke about how women literally throw themselves at him due to his status.

Give her a good mature talk, lay it out on the table. Let her hamster start to spin. You want to give the impression that if she fucks up, you're out of there. After you've guys discussed, THEN proceed to dread game.

You can dread game earlier but this situation is tough because there's too much plausible deniability happening. You'll dread game, (which she won't be used to unless you've been doing it already) and she'll notice. She won't know why, but eventually you're going to become vulnerable and lose frame, and admit that you're pissed because she's going to see the musician. She'll shit test you saying how you couldn't have said that earlier, blah blah blah blah, then go fuck him any ways. You'll get into a fight, and since arguments stir up the emotions, those emotions will lead her into his arms.

Don't let that silly "love" LTR bullshit cloud your vision. Here are the steps:

Set certain frame with LTR, expressing vulnerability in a mature manner. If she becomes emotional, and blaming you or whatever, cut the conversation. Only thing that matters is that you said what you wanted to say. Get the general message across.
Hold frame by having other things to do, outside of the life of your LTR. Anything, take boxing classes, run every morning, catch up with old friends. ANYTHING will work.
Once you've done 1 and 2, then it's okay to dread game.

cascadecombo · 2014-10-14T05:47:25+00:00

I really like the part where she wants to lose weight and look better for another man.

So she doesn't feel like she needs to look any better than she does for you at this point in time.

If I were you I'd probably just start giving her less attention and going out to see what's available for you, since well, why not at this point in time.

KyfhoMyoba · 2014-10-14T08:51:19+00:00

Wow. Just WOW. That's pretty goddamn disrespectful.

If she goes to his show. Out of state. Without her man.

She.

Is.

Going.

To.

Cheat.

I don't know your particulars, but if it were me, I would be like, "It's pretty clear that I'm not number one on your list anymore, I mean, like the stuff you've been saying on FB is pretty disrespectful to me, but it's all good, that's cool. I wish you the best, I really do. You want to go w/o me so you can fuck this guy, you got my blessing. Like I said, I wish you the best ... ... .... Oh, and BTW, I won't be here when you come back."

[deleted] · 2014-10-14T18:23:22+00:00

If you do not dump her today you have absolutely no dignity. The things she's doing aren't red flags. They're instant break-up behavior. Get rid off her now!

oldredder · 2014-10-16T01:49:39+00:00

Here's a thought: tell her while she's gone you still need to get laid so she should let you know what friends of hers are single. If she gets all huffy about it show only confidence and say "Seems pretty clear you're going to get with this guy, he sure seems interested. Least you could do is let me know the girls you know that are available".

Or, you could just dump her & say nothing. Maybe if she insists on contact after you could ask her why she's still calling/texting you now she has this other guy.

How important is this girlfriend to you?

Musicians fuck other guys' girlfriends all the time. This one seems to be very sure of what he's doing.

I guess if you want you could outright tell her you are being disrespected by the fact she's ditching you for this guy and you don't care who he is because he isn't you and she shouldn't expect to come back to you at all after this. She's leaving you behind for a reason & you can give her the stare down until she says why, if she says why.

Hard to say but one thing I'm sure of is you shouldn't put up with it.

blazingcopper · 2014-10-14T02:51:30+00:00

Hold frame; dread game

vandaalen · 2014-10-14T05:25:07+00:00

To me this is a reason to plate her immediataly and start gaming other girls. This kind of behaviour isn't LTR-worthy.

I certainly do not agree with the comments here stating that you should communicate your feelings. What is this going to do?

You give away that you aren't in control of the situation and your relationship anymore and that you've become the weaker part in your relationship, which is exactly what happened.

She might end up not going, but what's gonna happen the next time she runs into a charismatic alpha when she's on her own? Remember that attraction isn't negotiable. This isn't worth stripping yourself naked and struggling with it.

If you had a healthy LTR she would know that she isn't supposed to do those things.

She is already planning to getting fucked and the hamster maybe has their whole future together layed out in her dreams, and on top she is communicating this to the whole world right in front of your eyes. This isn't only showing her disrespect for you, but also that she is a huge attention whore who isn't satisfied with your validation alone.

The only way she could show more disrespect is if she was sucking his dick in front of you.

It's one thing if a woman has an unrealistic crush on an A-List celeb like Brad Pitt she will never meet, but it's completely different with things like this.

Also if she's got potential to loose 30 pounds and on top isn't willing to do so for you, but for some musician she doesn't even now, that tells me a big story about both her and your relationship. She might not have rode the carousel up to now, which might even be because of self-conciusness, because she thinks she hasn't got enough value to get juicy alpha cock, but this looks like she is getting warmed up for it.

fyseaking · 2014-10-14T02:34:02+00:00

Man up and act as if it didn't phaze you. Alphas don't show vulnerability with emotions. Read the sidebar and play some dread game.

She wants to lose 30 pounds to gain SMV over you in which she could theoretically dump you for any other guy. More on this on the sidebar.

Bring more value to the relationship than her, lift, pick up a hobby... oh and also, have you finished reading the sidebar?

nogiraffetattoo · 2014-10-14T12:45:00+00:00

If anyone I was dating ever said "why can't so-and-so be my BF" I would dump them immediately. Fuck that shit. No one deserves to be treated like that. Well, maybe Hitler, but you know what I'm saying.

[deleted] · 2014-10-14T02:58:45+00:00

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Vaganusaurus · 2014-10-14T07:40:45+00:00

Many women are like leaves in the wind. Good feelings blow them one direction and then another the next. Ultimately, they end up where the breeze blows last - irregardless of past winds. She isn't LTR-worthy because she is so easily swayed. Next her or make her a plate. You could very easily manage to capitalize on her whirlwind of good feelings if you play it right.

mrust · 2014-10-14T23:11:26+00:00

Usually things aren't so cut and dried. You are lucky, because there is no ambiguity to what you must do.

I'll be going to the show with my friends this time.

You can't be around because she wants to fuck him.

Why can't (musician) be my BF?

Complete lack of respect. Publically announced. Hard next is the only answer.

Rosenmyah · 2014-10-15T08:21:21+00:00

Hey OP I'd really like to hear how this story ends up, please update when you get a chance. There is good advice in this thread and after looking it over it seems you need to focus less on the celebrity guy and more on your gf and her intentions. Best of luck

p3riod · 2014-10-14T03:43:36+00:00

tell her fuck no im going i like this guys music too and guest passes??? Hell yeah maybe we will get to party with him too! dont let her tell you what you are and are not doing

[deleted] · 2014-10-14T16:35:38+00:00

Tell her to go fuck herself with a cactus.

Cocowaters · 2014-10-14T03:23:08+00:00

Honestly, and this isn't advice just my point of view, but I think being another dudes fan no matter how good his music or how awesome his athletic ability is so lame.

Sure all men should have role models and should strive to be like someone or enjoy the works/ablities of someone, but bringing your chick with you to drool simultaneously over some guy, who no matter what is just another human being, seems so, I don't know how to put it but I guess "low" to me.

Again that's just how I feel, I know it seems silly and it's not the norm, and while it can apply to relationships in that you are giving this dude enormous value ("wow even my boyfriend thinks he's great"), I look at it from a non female related point of view.

Basically, I think dudes should just keep their admiration of other dudes to themselves.

More "I like that song/album" less "omg d list musician is so awesome right babe? Let's go meet him".

As for the handling, fuck it, no one can keep a woman from branching off to a better partner. That is their nature, you can do your damndest through subtle dread and not caring about the situation even slightly, but if that guy says meet me in the back after the show there is a higher than normal chance she will say yes.

I think the strength in these situations comes from realizing this, accepting it as a biological truth, and being selfish in how you handle it.

Selfish in that you are focused on yourself
Selfish in that you don't care what she is doing online
Selfish in that you are your own man and she, while important, is just a partner not the main star
Selfish in your trust, not trusting her in a "I trust my baby" bullshit way, but "I trust in myself that I made the right decision with this woman"

She will go, you will tell her to have fun and behave or something cheeky like that, and trust that you made the right choice. Things don't always work out, things are a lot simpler when you realize that not everything is going to go the way you planned, shit just might get fucked up very quickly, and it's just a part of life completely out of our control. All humans think they can control every single aspect of life but it's just a silly fantasy.

Title	How to deal with LTR getting vagina tingles over a D list musician offering her guest passes?
Author	Cocowaters
Upvotes	31
Comments	95
Date	October 14, 2014 1:47 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2j6c30/how_to_deal_with_ltr_getting_vagina_tingles_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-deal-with-ltr-getting-vagina-tingles-over-a.142812 https://theredarchive.com/post/142812

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