I’m a 21 year old guy who’s still just as afraid of hot girls as I was when I was 15.

Crazy_Alakazam · 2017-11-14T01:11:45+00:00

Let's understand the problem. You are not afraid of hot girls. You are afraid of rejection by them.

Now that we know the problem, the solution is to get rejected (if not ain't that a fun surprise). Accept that you have a 50-50 chance, hell accept that you have a 100% chance of rejection, and still fucking go ahead and say "Hey" to them with a smile.

I know it sounds stupid, but just don't think about it. Don't at all think about anything, just say "Hi" to them. No matter what the consequence, just do it.

kakarot38 · 2017-11-14T05:14:50+00:00

Thank god you're 21 and not 31.

It may take you a decade to figure out, but most of those 8-10's are far more insecure than you.

They have so much more pressure to be attractive than you (for a reason as a man I will never understand, despite being 10+ years older than you.)

Your post lacks a lot of details, but at your age a lot of those details are irrelevant.

The most attractive quality you can have is not giving a fuck. It's call confidence, even if it's foolish confidence.

The foolish confident ones figure it out earlier despite their ignorance, because of their confidence, which can unfortunately reinforce their ignorance.

Fail. Fail hard. Fail over and over again. If you're even slightly intelligent you'll learn from each failure. You'll learn that most failures won't matter. You'll learn things that you can change, do differently, improve, react differently.

Each embarrassment grows weaker and weaker with age and experience.

Life is a learning experience. Try. Try hard. Try differently. Try over and over again. Reflect, learn, adapt.

Don't wait 10, 20, 30 years of not trying shit. It may be difficult at first. The guaranteed frustration, most likely embarrassment, the failure.

But put in some damn effort now and hopefully figure some shit out now rather than idly wasting 10 or 20 years of your life wondering what if (good or bad).

Start being friendly with everyone you meet, guy or girl, regardless of age, sex , race etc. Make eye contact. Say hello. Ask questions and be inquisitive. I guarantee you will be surprised.

No one knows what the fuck they are doing in life, and if they say they do then they are lying. Were all trying to figure it out, unfortunately most of us realize it way too late.

It's a long, slow, arduous journey. The earlier you start the better off you'll be.

macaroon18 · 2017-11-14T05:09:59+00:00

Stop rating people based on looks, treat people the same no matter what you see on the surface

ImJustSo · 2017-11-14T01:55:25+00:00

This applies to you.

2017-11-14T03:55:39+00:00

Trust me, It’ll get better – assuming you work to improve your confidence and reduce your fear of rejection.

I was much like you when I was 21. I did alright with girls, but the hottest ones were always so intimidating. Took time, but eventually I became, well, the opposite.

Peter-Keating · 2017-11-14T02:03:07+00:00

Your problem ultimately is a result of your sense of entitlement.

What do I mean by that? It means that you have a massive amount of entitlement, and I can immediately tell that from your post. Your issue isn't rejection, your issue is you think those people going to think negatively of you after they reject you. I wish I could be so entitled as you as to think that anybody gave a shit about whether I was rejected or not.

Secondly, most women won't go out of their way to reject you in the worst way possible. This might come as a surprise to you, but women are generally nice when it comes to rejection. They're not going to go out of their way to shame you

Westernleaning · 2017-11-14T07:20:46+00:00

How do you get over any fear my man? Face it! You’ve identified it, now start reading and self improving. Models by Mark Manson is a good start. Start hitting the gym. You might even want to hire a dating coach (I am not one).

But overall stop thinking of being scared of approaching women and start thinking that you want to explore them. Like any explorer the journey is the part that’s fun.

CounterEarth · 2017-11-14T11:49:15+00:00

Re-frame your approach anxiety. From now on, when you see a hot girl, think 'I'm excited to meet and potentially fuck this hot girl. If not, her loss.' You should be entirely outcome independent. Rejection isn't failure, it's a form of success - it's helping you to stop wasting time on girls who aren't going to fuck you, so you can invest it in girls who might fuck you.

You don't need to dive right in to HB9 approaches, though. Build up your approach confidence slowly by talking to everyone around you, especially since you're in college; you'll soon realize:
1) most people aren't even listening to what you're saying, they're deriving meaning from your body language
2) you can be fucking anyone you want to be in any social situation. Your attachment to your "identity" is just an illusion. If you want to be confident, then you can tell "yourself" to fuck off as you adopt a IDGAF persona. The two will merge when your newfound confidence has an objective basis - memories of social success.
3) Oh, and start lifting weights and meditating like a regal monk if you haven't. Not strictly related, but do that shit, it feels amazing. It will help with the social anxiety.

Of course, this is all just a bunch of words on Reddit. If you want to no longer be afraid of rejection, then you need to stop seeking validation from others. Your life is your own motion picture and these hot bitches you want to approach are nothing more than lucky extras. Stop deriving your self-worth from others.

cumdumpster_Ruto · 2017-11-14T09:06:33+00:00

Well at some point the answer is to just man up, this is probably that point. You think you are more scared than others? Your not. Life is scary, just deal with it. Everybody else does.

shinn497 · 2017-11-14T05:18:49+00:00

Bruh I'm 31, lonely af, and still afraid. And now I'm losing my attractiveness. So like yeah. I wish I was 21 again.

TheSovereignPhallus · 2017-11-14T05:27:11+00:00

Youtube: Shadow self work.

I also recommend Transformation by Julien Blanc

Luffydude · 2017-11-14T12:01:52+00:00

"The moment you've said hi, you already won" - RSD Max

This is the best way of getting over your fears, realizing that every interaction doesn't need to end up in having sex with the girl, just a simple hi is a success

mediandirt · 2017-11-14T13:01:47+00:00

Just remember, if they reject you they're just shit testing you. I knew this guy that got rejected by a hb9 at the gym and didn't let it phase him. The next day he just went back up to her as normal and they hit off and had sex that week. Could be just a bad day for them.

They have honed their shit tests to push as many guys away as possible. You just have to get around that. Woman are much more fluid and accepting of all manner of looks when there is enough confidence.

8s,9s,10s are easier to hit on because they all react the same.

saulisdating · 2017-11-14T13:16:26+00:00

Ok so here's the thing with rejection... I hope you understand that not everyone is going to like you no matter who you are and what you do.

So, you will NEVER avoid rejection in life. Now, knowing that, why are you afraid of getting rejected if you KNOW that there is always going to be a chance of rejection no matter who you talk to?

Just go talk to the hot girls, and some will reject you while others won't. If you get rejected more often than not then just improve yourself further until you get rejected less and less. But you'll never reach a point of zero rejection, no one can do that. To try and avoid rejection is to try to avoid living.

2017-11-14T14:14:16+00:00

You said it yourself, you're literally surrounded by hot women all day, every day. Take a chance! Take lots of them! You're going to fail, undoubtedly, even the Brad Pitts or Chris Hemsworth's of our world fail with hot women, it's not something to be scared of. Women react this way because they're trying to weed out the losers, or because they're nervous. Think about it - if you were a hot girl who got approached by guys (and creeps) all day, wouldn't you build up some kind of screening process to keep away the guys who weren't worth your time?

In most cases, if a woman rejects you, just don't give a rip and move on. Over time you'll be able to figure out which ones are into you and which aren't. If she's interested, great, ask her out or do something. She may flake out on the first or second date even, so what! Dodged a bullet there, so no worries. Try again and learn from the past.

2017-11-14T15:12:58+00:00

Read the section in Models by Mark Manson about "The top 1%." It might help your mindset :)

EternalOptimist829 · 2017-11-14T17:01:24+00:00

It helps me when I'm feeling intimidated to realize I'm investing in that person. Like imagine your good feelings and you're giving them to her like handing over $20 or buying dinner. The point is those are things I do for friends, not strangers. Emotional investment is good as long as you're smart about your investments.

Ultimately you'll hear it put in a way that clicks. That's why I like RSD videos on Youtube because Tyler says the same thing like 500 times and one of those is totally me.

GET_IN_THE_VAN · 2017-11-14T17:53:28+00:00

My fear didn't start decreasing until after the age of 23. I still get nervous around them but am much comfortable and kill it now. I'm 26. You still got time homie

recyclablebanthas · 2017-11-15T02:44:12+00:00

Like the title says, I’m still too scared to approach the hottest girls.

What the hell does this even mean? You think fear and anxiety are things you outgrow? Are their age limitations on anger or happiness as well? Obviously not. :P

David Wygant gives a 6 minute talk about this. There's no magic routine or short-cut.

Pay attention and listen to people. Or else you have nothing to talk about. All this business about wondering what to say, it's bullshit. You're taking your eye off the ball by wondering what to say. What to say is all around you, OUTSIDE you.
Approaching people and talking to more people, you will create conversations that girls will sometimes join. Often, if you're enjoying yourself.

I’m not a virgin, but I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19, and the girl I lost it to was a 6/10 at best.

Irrelevant.

2017-11-14T00:31:10+00:00

That sounds shit about watching a bunch of hot girls pass you by.

Title	I’m a 21 year old guy who’s still just as afraid of hot girls as I was when I was 15.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	193
Comments	60
Date	November 14, 2017 12:18 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7crn62/im_a_21_year_old_guy_whos_still_just_as_afraid_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-a-21-year-old-guy-whos-still-just-as-afraid-of.1436814 https://theredarchive.com/post/1436814

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