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Responding to the "You talk to other girls" shit test?

[deleted]

April 21, 2014
35 upvotes
/r/TheRedPill
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Title Responding to the "You talk to other girls" shit test?
Author

[deleted]
Upvotes 35
Comments 55
Date April 21, 2014 10:44 PM UTC
(12 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/23mojk/responding_to_the_you_talk_to_other_girls_shit/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/responding-to-the-you-talk-to-other-girls-shit.14406
https://theredarchive.com/post/14406
Red Pill terms in post
shit testthe red pill

Comments

[–][deleted] 12 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]Endorsed Contributorgekkozorz 9 points10 points11 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

These are good.

The standard BP response is "oh no I'd never dream of wanting anyone but you, please I'm begging you don't make me get rid of my female friends."

Wrooong. Play by the rules of the shit test, you lose the shit test regardless of whether you answered "right" or "wrong."

When a woman gives you a test, she's establishing a frame and trying to make you play within the rules of that frame.

A good alpha leaves that frame and creates a counter-frame which she now has to play in.

[–]Thagros 3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I like to combine Sign of Maturity with Radical Honesty. So when she says, "Well, they were getting along well with you . . . ?":

"Of course they were, I'm a very interesting man. And you don't want a man who can't attract other women."
[give wry smile, turn, walk over to couch and sit down, turn on TV. She comes over and sits on my lap to block TV to get attention. She initiates sex.] "Good girl."

[–]musicvita25 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Sign of Maturity: "Of course I am. I'm an adult. That's what adults do."

This is what I say.

[–]Haraklus 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't go with number 2 as it rewards her jealousy. Our brains really like it when we're sexy, so they pick up on that stuff.

Honestly, the whole thing seems weird. Wtf is OP doing in his relationships that a girl would consider bringing up something lime this, especially in a confrontational manner?

[–]cascadecombo 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Sign of Maturity: "Of course I am. I'm an adult. That's what adults do."

Doesn't really sound like that. Sounds like a Teenager trying to validate himself.

[–]Haraklus 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed, it just sounds bizarre and tryhard.

[–]heavywepsguy 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Great answers. I'm always stuck somewhere between beta and alpha with those responses. I know the answer isn't to apologize for it, but off the top of my head, I can usually only come up with "Yeah, so/and/(blank)?" Heck, I feel like even answers yes or no already means you're giving up frame, that you're submitting to her questioning.

[–]Haraklus 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That's actually a great frame. Her frame is, "you're talking to other girls (explicit), and it's bad (implicit)".

Your frame agrees with the explicit part of her frame, because it's true. It dismisses casually the implicit part of her frame with the so/and.

It's a terse mixed message which gets right to the point. It's way more alpha than the tryhardish responses given above. Although the "yea, and I'm sleeping with all of them" is of similar quality.

[–]Dat_Black_Guy 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Good stuff. Have an upvote

[–][deleted] 12 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]jameskmonger 3 points3 points3 points 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I like it! But how do I say it? Playing the situation in my head, I just look her in the eyes and say it without a smile but without anger - making her ponder upon the seriousness of it. Would there be a better way to do it?

[–][deleted] 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]hairaware 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If she says "are you serious" give her just a bit of facial response as in youre contemplating it while still being playful. A little mouth and eyebrow movement, the kind of stuff when you do a shrug.

[–]tintiviv 3 points3 points3 points 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Agree and Amplify as Kraken suggests. Say it in a funny way like you're making a joke to yourself. Smile and laugh to yourself afterwards.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang -2 points-1 points0 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Mamma's boy: "So, are you talking to other girls?" "You mean, besides mum?"

Mindblowing bro: "So, are you talking to other girls?" "I don't want to get you pregnant."

BDSM dude: "So, are you talking to other girls?" "Yes. Might just have to tie me up in your basement so I'm all yours, won't you?"

The Sex Market Professional: "So, are you talking to other girls?" "Of course, babe. But none of them talk as much as you about the competition, what's up with that?"

Possibilities: "So, are you talking to other girls?" "Maybe."

[–]redbluepilling 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"Yup. So you better keep me entertained."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I would be more upbeat about it. Don't take it so seriously.

[–]1KyfhoMyoba -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Think 'clinical detachment.'

[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity 31 points32 points33 points 12 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

This is a classic example of projection. If your girlfriend hangs out or talks to any of guys, she knows their potential to be more than just friends. If she's scared of the possibilities of you cheating on her, she has probably either thought about it or done it herself.

Jealousy is a natural tendency for human beings, but usually people only express jealousy through body language or active involvement with the people on the other end. It is not natural for people to express jealousy overtly unless they know the risk in those actions because they are capable of it themselves.

[–]1independentmale 14 points15 points16 points 12 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Quick story and example of projection:

My ex wife used to do this to me all the time. I told her "jealousy is not attractive." When she tried to "put her foot down" and demanded I not have female friends, I laughed and told her to grow up. That didn't stop the hamster from spinning and she insisted that I was having "emotional affairs" with my lady friends. I never did get a straight answer from her on what the fuck an "emotional affair" was, best as I could tell simply having close friends of the opposite sex qualified in her mind.

Projection: After years of accusing me of "emotional affairs", she finally broke down one night and admitted to having one with my best friend. Says they were in love and spent a lot of time together while I was at work but swears they never got physical. He denied all when confronted, but the revelation explained some behaviors and events from him that I had long wondered about. I've got money that says they fucked. Regardless, it all became clear: The reason she couldn't accept that my lady friends really were totally platonic is because, in the same situation, she was a cheating whore.

[–]apackofwankers 5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

emotional affair = emotional infidelity, the precursor to actual infidelity

the thief most fears being robbed
the liar most fears being lied to
etc etc

[–]thefoxman88 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

the thief most fears being robbed the liar most fears being lied to etc etc

Is this a quote from something? Sounds like some really powerful words.

[–]apackofwankers 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I did a little search and found this:

http://embodyilluminati.tumblr.com/post/74274713134/fear-and-doubt-have-no-power-over-the-true-and

No indication where the original words are from though.

Fear and doubt have no power over the true and faithful man, for he knows Truth of Spirit. His will is power; his protection, Spirit Truth. His faith rests in the bosom of Absolute Love and his knowledge is directed by Love and Wisdom. But most men who take an accurate account of their moral stock-in-trade will find the chief assets to be made up of selfishness, the principal liability the debt of nature. The greedy miser, on looking at nature, thinks only of the money value represented, while the Poet and true man finds beautiful forms and flowers, music in the trees and waterfalls, fairies in the wandering clouds, peace and rest in the mountain-tops, a dream of love in the shady groves. The selfish coward wanders and drifts through life with a scowl upon his face; he sees in every corner an enemy, and for him the world has nothing attractive nor right except his own small life. The man who cannot be trusted is ever distrustful; the thief fears always to be robbed, and the slanderer and backbiter is extremely sensitive to the gossip of others.

[–]apackofwankers 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It is something I read once, but I couldnt tell you where.

A solipsist, whatever they are saying, is most likely talking about themselves, even if their words are seemingly about you.

An example: my ex- always put huge amounts of pressure on me to abandon my entrepreneurial goals and get a steady job. She spoke at length about the joys and benefits of having a 9-5 job. The reality was - she hated her job and just wanted someone to tell her or show her that having a 9-5 job was great. After dumping me, she told me that she thought I just wanted to use her to support me. This was her hamster - what she really wanted was someone she could use to support her and enable her to quit her job.

[–]cascadecombo 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Pretty much does sound like projection to me as well, I had an ex who did something similar. Tried to tell me I couldn't have female friends, all the while still going out with her guy friends. I'm sure most people can assumed what happened.

[–]Slimplera 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

I disagree. I think overt actions of jealousy depends on how real the threat of cheating is perceived and how much you want it not to happen. I don't see why a woman who has more options would act any more jealous than a woman who has little to none.

[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a valid point, but women who have handfuls of orbiters still get upset when they lose an orbiter. My point is that even if she has more options, she doesn't want to lose them. A woman in a relationship doesn't want to let go of her current relationship until she has reassured herself that once she lets go, there will be someone else to grab on to. Hence, swinging branches; you want to be sure that there is another branch there to grab on to before you let go of the one you're currently holding on to.

It's something that both men and women do, but in general, more women do it because the person that they are with is still providing them resources (shelter, money, food, validation, etc.). This is the primary reason why a woman who leaves a man will often come back asking for forgiveness, because the person she tried to get with didn't reciprocate her commitment.

[–]1KyfhoMyoba -2 points-1 points0 points 12 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

That MAY be true in a general sense, but this is a woman in a relationship we're talking about here. OP, go with projection.

[–]jameskmonger0 points 12 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Could you link me to more information on projection?

[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Simple litmus test is if they are accusing you of something which you are definitely and demonstrably not doing, such as working 80hours a week and she claims cheating, its a very good chance she is banging someone while you're working your ass off.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Projection is a defence mechanism, it's to defend yourself from feeling vulnerable. An example would be realising you have an undesirable trait and instead of "owning " said trait and fixing it you start seeing it in others as a way of taking the heat of yourself.

Not to be confused with projective identification where you "adopt " behaviour from another

[–]Slimplera -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Projection is a defense mechanism where the subject attributes his own perceived faults and/or shortcomings onto someone else.

An example would be a creationist telling people evolution is a bunch of bullshit that doesn't have the empirical evidence to back it up.

So in your situation, the projection would be your girlfriend's concern for you talking to other women (jealousy). She knows she has other options when talking to other guys and at some level when she finds someone better who she can get with she will leave/cheat or w/e. She see's this as a fault and instead of acknowledging it she attributes this to you.

Its important to note that although this can very likely be the case its not the only possibility, or rather factor, for why she is overtly jealous. All women will leave/cheat/suggest an open relationship etc, when someone better comes along. Not all women are overtly jealous though.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection

And here is a link.

[–]Doomsday_ 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Agree and amplify: "How am I supposed to seduce them without talking to them?"

[–]lillojohn 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, and I talk to guys, and kids and old people. It is something humans do.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

Are you and her exclusive? Had that whole talk yet? Because that might just be her way of bringing it up, and it literally doesn't matter what the answer is.

"So, are you talking to other girls?""

" Why, you want me all for yourself that bad?"

" Um... well, yeah..."

" Prove it." (escalate to sex)

[–]jameskmonger2 points 12 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Yes we are exclusive and I have no romantic attraction to anyone else. Just not sure how to handle it when she attacks me for talking to females (she talks to males publicly, including those I have fallen out with)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If she is talking to men you have fallen out with and you are allowing this more fool you.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Explore the sidebar here, the concept of spinning plates.

It's very bad for your relationship that you have no romantic attraction to anyone else.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 6 points7 points8 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Not necessarily. He can be rather disinterested in other women but as long as other women are showing interest to him his relationship will be fine and dandy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Also If that's the case too, he should have a pretty good abundance mentality as well.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"You mad?"

[–]myschadenfreude 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

"Yes."

That's it. Dread game.

[–]Kaelteth 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

What I came to say.

No explanations, no bullshit, no pandering. "Yes, I talk to other women. "

[–]pcadrian 2 points2 points2 points 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

OP, reading what Invalidity said (he brings up a good point!), I have to ask: does your girlfriend have guy friends?

[–]jameskmonger1 points 12 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes she does (but I have no reason to believe she's cheated with any of them)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

but I have no reason to believe she's cheated with any of them

I'd say what Invalidity said is a darn good reason. Her reaction to what she sees in your friendship with other girls is a good indicator (and projection) of what she really thinks of her own friendships with guys.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"Yeah. Actually I was hoping you might give me your mom's number, too. I bet she makes good... conversations."

I think the key to passing a shit test is to just play off her agitation like it's so ludicrous, you can't even be bothered to formulate a serious answer.

[–]tech_0912 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The biggest thing you don't want to do if you use the agree and amplify method is to never get angry. That usually never goes well. On the other hand, using that method could get her to unknowingly spill the beans on whether or not she's cheating, depending on how you answer. Answer with the fact that you do talk to other women, but ask her if you two are exclusive. You know the answer to that, but get her to answer with her opinion. Might she'd some light. If her ears turn red though, she's probably lying.

[–]another1takesthepill 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Exgf did a variant: "Dont you get mad when I talk to other guys?" that happened after we were together at some event and she approached her last beta orbiter (who had been in love with her until she LJBFed him) and started speaking to him and touching him. When I saw the situation I left to do other things.

Later when she asked me that I told her: "Why should I be jealous? In the end I am the one going home with you"

[–]slcjosh 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"Let me see your phone right now, and see who YOU have been talking too."

If she hesitates, consider nexting her.

[–]redpillta 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

She met you and found you attractive when you were chatting up other girls. She fell for that guy right? So why would she want to turn you into "not-the-guy-she-fell-for"? Ask her that

*you're right don't ask HER that. Ask yourself that. My bad.

[–]Sturmgeist781 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That makes her think and not feel. Thinking gives most hamsters headaches.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Was reading your comment with a smile and clicked upvote already, until you finished with "Ask her that". Changed to the opposite. Why'd you have to go and ruin a good thing, man!

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Normally agree and amplify would be the go to here but it's really hard to pull off with this particular shit test.

The easier method may be the 'ignore/deflect' method. Just reply with a rather deadpan "Of course I talk to other girls" and leave it at that. If she presses the issue then give some platonic examples like coworkers or waitresses and the like. As long as you deliver it with a stoic and unflappable frame it should shut her up.

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