Appropriate 'age' for doing cold approaches?

plowzedong · 2018-05-14T12:54:04+00:00

For everyone new who's reading this sub. This is an example of a useful question. It's based on a recurring issue that's coming up amid the action he's taking. Grea job, u/EmptyReporter !

plowzedong · 2018-05-14T12:48:47+00:00

It's not uncommon that you have to spend the first few minutes doing 90% of the talking.

Try not to ask too many questions, especially personal questions. When guys do that, it ranges from cliche to creepy. Imagine an older gay dude approached you and was like "what's your name... do you live around here... How old are you?" That's what it feels like for women when an unattractive man does that.

If you do direct openers, don't say anything generic or about something they can't control. Say something about fashion, or vibe, or just do the generic "I had to come say hello." Then, quickly do a pull away - say something with an accusatory rapport-breaking tone.

If you do indirect, just say random bullshit in a fun, confident way, introduce light kino in the beginning, lead the conversation, screen for iois, and slowly build compliance/investment through touch, logistical progression, and emotional exchange. Play it a bit slower in that case.

hunterpua · 2018-05-14T15:33:47+00:00

Really? I started doing cold approaches when I was 19. They only sucked when I sucked but when I got the hang of it, all was good.

If you think about it in a non-pickup context, cold approaches happen all the time. Even little kids cold approach each other. Girls your age have certainly been cold approached tons of times, just not often with any sexual or romantic intent.

Your descriptions remind me of one of my friends. You're nowhere near as bad as him though. He would deliver his opener and immediately after that expect the girl to be able to hold a conversation, if she couldn't he would say to her face (!), "you don't know how to have a conversation" then leave. I was like, "What the fuck?!" I couldn't believe how many opportunities he wasted because of doing this.

I'd be watching from a distance and see a girl give him good body language but she just didn't have the skills to carry the conversation right off the bat and because of his entitlement, he'd throw away the chance for both of them to find some good lovin'.

Sometimes I'd feel so sorry for the girls I'd want to approach them myself as soon as he leaves just to make it up to them.

The thing is, he didn't get it. Girls you approach don't owe you shit. She has zero obligation to keep a conversation going because you're the one approaching and wanting something from her, furthermore, she's not the one studying how to have conversations with strangers. It would be insane to expect her to be as good as you at keeping conversation with someone she just met so you're the one that has to do the work at the start.

If you want her to join in, you better carry the convo in the beginning. You better entertain her and add value so that you give her a bit of an incentive to keep talking. This is where all the humor and song and dance stuff comes in. Once she starts engaging more and indicating that she wants to know more about you, that's when you tone it down and start gradually shifting the weight of the conversation to her side. The amount of energy both of you end up spending to keep the interaction going should at least break-even. The only difference is, you do most of the work in the beginning and she does most of her work towards the end.

Its very important that by the end of the interaction, she equals or exceeds the work you do otherwise you're going to be looking at an unstable connection that's more likely to flake on you.

FlipModeEngaged · 2018-05-14T15:08:09+00:00

> "What coffee are you drinking?", or "Wow, gorgeous eyes, they really match your hair", get the same bizarre response.

My favorite was a girl eating hot sweetcorn. 18-20. I finally managed to get the balls and asked her, 'hey where did you get the sweetcorn from?'.

her eyes hit mine, she looked me square in the phase with a wtf? Her eyes then slammed to the ground, she pointed the wrong direction and paced off.

K.

b0100010 · 2018-05-14T20:41:17+00:00

I got a date the other day with a 19 year old that I cold approached. I've had success regardless of the age of the girls, but most of the younger girls I approach have been on my college campus. I agree that I get a lot more success with older women however, but I haven't had many of the problems you're talking about

I'm 34 and just started approaching a little over a month ago

Maggost · 2018-05-14T14:39:19+00:00

There is no appropriate age for doing those cold approaches.

The issue comes from the fact that younger women, who are my age (18-24), are completely... put off by cold approaches. I get maybe one word answers, they stare at the ground, sometimes giggle before simply running off.

Maybe there is something wrong while you are doing it, do you have a number on how many approaches did you do till now?

lannisteralwayspay · 2018-05-14T15:23:06+00:00

Is there a chance you’re not calibrating well enough?

mqriles · 2018-05-14T20:41:20+00:00

This just sounds like young women (18-20) have shitty socials skills and are unexperienced thanks to cell phones and social media and older women know better so they treat you better. Don't sweat it :)

recyclablebanthas · 2018-05-14T13:31:26+00:00

1

Appropriate 'age' for doing cold approaches?

You have a fundamental misunderstanding about what "seduction" is.

It's socializing, at its core. And nothing about it requires anything age-specific.

End of story. But I'll elaborate below.

2

This is something that is rarely mentioned. Currently, I'm 21 and it seems that I'm actually the youngest dude that has the balls to cold approach.

Cold approach is talking to strangers.

You're not the youngest person to talk to strangers.

You may also be misidentifying what "cold approach" really is by defining it in a really narrow way. Think about this. Cold approach is getting closer to strangers. Not just psyching yourself to go across a room and talk to a girl. But ANY time you are getting closer to strangers.

Walking down the street? Standing in line at the grocery store or bank? Movie theater? You're cold approaching all the time. You're just not always opening.

3

Other guys I spoke to straight up get shocked or startled when I tell them. "How do you have the courage to do that?!", is a classic response I get.

Tell them what, exactly?

4

The issue comes from the fact that younger women, who are my age (18-24), are completely... put off by cold approaches.

Awkward ones, maybe. But, again, this isn't age specific.

5

I get maybe one word answers, they stare at the ground, sometimes giggle before simply running off. Most also appear to be extremely shy, showing the classic signs of insecurity (ie. quiet voice, no eye contact, body language).

Here, you're describing girls reacting to awkward or too extreme of an approach.

Girls who give one word answers, don't engage, and then leave soon after, simply don't want to be around you. So what's wrong here is that you're doing something to put them off, almost immediately. And perhaps older women aren't caring as much because you're noticeably younger and it's flattering for them even if they aren't interested.

I was cold approaching a little in high school and saw some of what you speak of, when I was crashing and burning. In every other situation besides that, there was plenty of conversation, at least.

And I had a buddy who was pretty good with girls as early as middle school. He could cold approach, no problem, even then at 12 years old. It's just talking to strangers. It's not some complicated thing. It's also not necessarily sexually charged, especially at the beginning. It is generally playful though.

LimitedContributor · 2018-05-14T17:56:12+00:00

Can someone please tell me the difference between a cold approach? I never fully understood its meaning.

WaxCrush · 2018-05-15T02:44:24+00:00

younger women, who are my age (18-24), are completely... put off by cold approaches.

I can't tell if girls that age never respond to that, or if I'm just not good enough yet. I'm a lot older than you and 18 year olds act the exact same way to me.

WIA20XX · 2018-05-14T11:13:47+00:00

Funny, 18-24 year olds don't seem to be put off by my approaches.

acquired_ · 2018-05-14T14:31:51+00:00

Maturity blurs the lines. I think in terms of leadership. The more mature a guy is, the better a leader he is (the more influence he will have on the woman .. and people in general). The less mature a girl is, the easier it is to lead her (to influence her)

In your case, the older women probably understand what you are communicating. You may be relating less with people in your age bracket (even though you would have more influence with them). The girls in your age group may not need the show of courage to respect you (whereas a more mature women may), they may simply need some instructions and some jokes

I'm 23, I was 15 when I started approaching

Title	Appropriate 'age' for doing cold approaches?
Author	EmptyReporter
Upvotes	25
Comments	19
Date	May 14, 2018 9:46 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8jb0k7/appropriate_age_for_doing_cold_approaches/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/appropriate-age-for-doing-cold-approaches.1446564 https://theredarchive.com/post/1446564

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