TL;DR: if you suffer from oneitis, find a dance teacher nearby NOW.

Yesterday I started having a bad feeling again. I'm unable to name it. I imagined something like an empty hole in my chest and felt unhappy about it. I started to think about it when I realized (again), that my wife was probably cheating on me and even if I found out last year what was happening, she still lied to me AND that she kept contact with that other guy and, and, and...

Anyway, it hurt. I was so angry, so intensely angry, that I cancelled a few appointments, didn't pick up when best friend was calling, I decided to shut down. "Fuck you all, if I can't get what I want, you won't get it too". But what do I want? I even had some suicidal / autoaggressive thoughts. "But what the hell do I want? Other people to notice me? Am I attention whoring? Why do I want to kill or hurt myself?"

I am unable to name that emotion. It felt somehow primal, primitive.

Like something I could feel before I even learned the language.

One-itis, well, let it be.

...

Anyway, I went to a dance class today. I made an appointment last week to finally learn to dance, as I found TRP it became obvious to me that I need to be the man I always wanted to be, not some beta-wife-loving-sucker.

Teacher... I am ambivalent if she was hot or not. I mean, she was hot, but I was not really attracted. She was like about to hit wall in a moment, but had cool moves and nice smile. And nice tits and nice ass. And some shiny bling on her. I still wonder if I would bang her or not, but that's another story.

The deal is: when we started dancing and I started having fun and she was touching me, I WAS IMMEDIATELY CURED OF ALL MY NEGATIVE THINKING.

Suddenly a (kind of) beautiful woman was touching me.

We were dancing.

I was totally having fun with her.

My God, that was so lovely, beautiful and light. We were smiling, we were joking. My God, this was IT. Fun, movement, touch.

So dance is it. No more fucking boring therapy, no more sad people from meetings, no more strange coaching stuff. I GOT CURED BY DANCE.

And, my theory: negative feelings during oneitis are intense feeling of hurt, some kind of primal hurt, from very early childhood, which are based in a false belief "I am not worthy enough to be touched" and they can be simply cured by touch. And, if the baby is not being touched, it will die (Google for papers on that), that's where suicidal thoughts kick in.

Touch... you can get touch from massage, hugging... or during sex.

People suggest sex as a cure for oneitis, right? But sex as a cure for one-itis may be not the best option for somebody like me (I am preparing for a divorce, also I don't want to pay for sex or get STD or place myself in a financially bad situation if it comes out).

People like me get fixated on sex, because if you had childhood like mine, you are not going to have much of a normal touch, so in the later years you are going to associate touch with sex. But sex is not the only situation where you can be touched by a woman.

So, as Athol suggested in MMSLP, I am going to get myself a massage now.

And I suggest you go dancing.

And feel free to call me a winner today.

Thank you for your attention!