Dating is a contact sport.

wowzacowza · 2020-02-21T07:06:33+00:00

Your issue is tinder. In fact, you summed up one of OLD's biggest problems without even realizing it: it's instant gratification, and lasting disappointment. It's so easy to match with people and feel like there's something there, that's the instant gratification. But taking a connection from tinder, even one that feels really solid, and turning it into an actual encounter is quite a bit more rare. Why? Well, because of the same instant gratification as before. It's easy enough to pile up likes and matches and feel good about yourself. Actually putting yourself out there and meeting up with someone... Well, that's tougher. Especially for women. They'll get hundreds of likes on tinder even if they're only moderately attractive and have basic bios and photos, and match with tons of guys easily. But, women are also a lot more hesitant when it comes to actually meeting up. So, it's easy, particularly so for women, to like the gratification that comes with likes and matches, chicken out when it comes to actually acting on it and instead go back to instant gratification.... Rinse and repeat. Meeting people face to face is harder. You can't possibly meet half as many women in real approaches as you can on tinder in the same amount of time. And it takes a lot more balls to approach in person, and rejections are a lot tougher in person. So you don't get your instant gratification, you have to work for it. But here's the thing: when it does go well, you now already have a face to face connection, which is immeasurably stronger than online connections. It's a lot less likely she will flake on you at this point. I feel like the old timer yelling "you damn kids and your smartphones, back in my day we......" But seriously, tinder is shit and unless you're very attractive and super witty and charming over online messages, you are much better off without it.

mph99999 · 2020-02-20T19:22:20+00:00

In life most of the things are outside our control, our contribution to most things is tiny, that's why in most things you can measure your success only in the long term.What's your age? Women in their 20s are completely dominating the dating market but their value goes down with age compared to their male counterpart, men value also goes down with age obviously but relatively to their age-matched counterpart it goes up.You can't do much to fight the market, you can only improve your looks, money and lifestyle, do you have any idea how many matches does an unattractive woman in her 20s get? At least thousand a month, an attractive one?Pffff, Do you seriously believe that you will be able to compete with all those matches?It's about luck and physical attractiveness on Tinder.The point is to not let it affect you emotionally, the market is against you, with age it will get better.
Expect flakes, effort on your part, cheating, ghosting, disrespect.

Xazax310 · 2020-02-21T11:44:20+00:00

Get off tinder and you flake ratio will decrease. Approaching women, inviting them out, automatically makes you higher value they'll be more interested in you and will show up. I think tinder serves a purpose(good for abundance mindset) but those girls couldn't give a shit about you.

Rejection (in all of its forms) is meant keep people who don’t belong to each other apart and if someone rejects you chances are it has nothing to do with you. If someone isn’t completely into meeting and getting to know you then they’re not right for you....move on. It’ll hurt...maybe a lot but that’s par for the course. So wipe the dirt off and mend those bruises and get back out there!!!

I've completely changed the way I see what everyone call "rejection". To me it's not rejection, ONLY I reject the girl because she didn't fit my standards/needs after we went on a date.

If I approach and she shoves me off, not interested, etc then I say "it was never meant to be" similar to what you say and continue on my life, still talking to other women. Too many guys get rejection butt-hurt and it stops them. Additionally I NEVER PURSUE a woman. "I really like this girl so I'm going to follow her on Instagram, FB, be friends with her friends whatever". Then they learn she has BF or shes not interested in them they've wasted hours thinking about her.

Another key point I think so many guys struggle with is that Love should be freely given, never taken, and never expected. Mean you Love whatever girl you're with, but she is totally free to make her own choices. If that involves you or not, and should the relationship end, then you understand that. You let go of everything and see what comes back. Those true relationships are the ones who come back freely or willingly.

Umbran_scale · 2020-02-20T21:04:34+00:00

And people wonder why I don't want to deal with tinders bullshit.

2020-02-21T15:37:25+00:00

I get that rejection is just filtering and all that blablabla but man, I am sick of it. If I’m always being rejected then clearly it IS something about me. I’m 31 and haven’t had a girlfriend in 10 years. I rarely ever approach women because ex every time I do I just get rejected, or I get a number but they don’t answer. I’m very introverted so I just don’t have the energy to do this Mass approaching shit everyone talks about on here. I don’t understand how guys have the time to approach 20-50 women in a day! I also don’t understand how guys go around mass approaching women without looking like a creep.

Insaneflirt_max · 2020-02-20T18:21:17+00:00

Girls flake when they aren't invested. Have them invest

peshnoodles · 2020-02-21T05:45:33+00:00

People flake for different reasons. You probably didn't do anything wrong--sometimes folks don't have it in them to try and invest in a new relationship. That shit is taxing, especially if you're liable to be assaulted, used, or otherwise have your time wasted.

pureresilience11 · 2020-02-20T19:30:55+00:00

Rejection (in all of its forms) is meant keep people who don’t belong to each other apart and if someone rejects you it chances are it has nothing to do with you.

nah bullshit. if you get rejected while your on a date then you've fucked up. even on the approach if you come in weakly and act beta then that's your own fault

MK2718 · 2020-02-21T08:44:39+00:00

Why People Flake on You

excentrik-art · 2020-02-21T07:03:31+00:00

Same mistakes = same results.

I will tell you something you will not like me for, this - we belong to each other - you are right for me - is really just crying in less obvious way. Not that crying is bad, it is a good release. But when I want to break up with you, you say: But we belong together! Will there ever be Universe where some one says: Oh you are right, that is true, sorry, let's get back together!

Be realistic. You failed at either: inducing intrigue, creating rapport or sparking attraction. Think about it, or even better - make a field report for everyone here. We will tell you what to improve to help you.

Title	Dating is a contact sport.
Author	kalz44
Upvotes	32
Comments	26
Date	February 20, 2020 5:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/f6wrtj/dating_is_a_contact_sport/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dating-is-a-contact-sport.1490986 https://theredarchive.com/post/1490986

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