How to be authentic

JambiChick · 2020-06-04T17:08:23+00:00

How do you stop being needy? The answer is to need only one thing: yourself. Once you've accepted that reality and lived it, others can come & go without your entire world crumbling down around you.

As for altering your likes & dislikes based on the opinions of those around you, don't you see it as a huge waste of time? What if everyone else in the discussion did the same thing? Then you would have an hour long discussion built on untruths. I've found the ppl who want the "yes sir" type in their own discussion are those who need to feel validated, even though many times they come across as extremely confident. It's a facade. If someone is truly wanting a discussion and your opinion, their goal is to hear other viewpoints aside from their own. They already KNOW their stance so by you simply mimicking them, it's kinda boring, at least imo.

Imagine where life will take you if you continue this trend of becoming your date. Say one of these girls actually LIKES this trait. You will be lead around on a leash for the entire relationship. You'll be stuck shopping with her for hours, carrying the bags of clothes YOU paid for, your feet will be killing you yet SHE'LL be the one getting the foot rub all while you're stuck watching whichever chick flick she wants to watch. Why? Because you kept saying, "Oh you like (this or that)?? Me too!!" Is having someone really worth this kind of imprisonment??

Figure out YOUR opinions, your likes & dislikes, your goals, your ideal relationship and own that. It's your foundation. Find someone who can help you build off of that foundation, not someone who wants to change it.

Thebussinessman · 2020-06-04T17:02:14+00:00

I am probably not the best advisor our there to give some good advice, but I highly recommend you to read Models by Mark Manson, a book is about how to be the best version of yourself, but it focuses on being authentic and honest as well.

Dominus-Prime- · 2020-06-04T18:10:32+00:00

No book or video will “cure” you because you don’t have an illness that can be fixed with treatment.

You need to do a deep dive into yourself and objectively analyze your past as to why you are needy in the first place. Not doing this will make your efforts forever useless.

Start there

mathindgen · 2020-06-04T17:06:40+00:00

I'd say you shouldn't change your persionality and i have a trick. I usually go about that with a short pause and then i talk like i would talk to myself in my head. The phrase "think before you say" comes to mind. Try this out see if it helps. I know i wanted to impress people this way but it only makes you look like a try hard and like you want to impress the other person.

AimsW · 2020-06-04T19:08:20+00:00

Honestly I suffer with this at times too and it seems to come from a wanting to be liked (obviously) but more deeply a lack of self assurance and confidence. I've found taking time for myself and finding what I enjoy and staying strong on my beliefs while allowing leniency helps alot, that way you're not forced into a type of person but you can become a well rounded person.

Argonnis · 2020-06-04T17:50:30+00:00

The biggest thing I will say is don't play to people's tunes, you will seem like a suck up and a follower and both will hurt you short term and long term. If you actually know something say it even if it's not in agreement with their point of view's, and if you don't know something just ask. Don't be a know it all and don't just follow in the discussion, both come off annoying and as if you aren't actually paying attention or interested. The best thing to do is to be open about what you know and don't know, the peak of interest will be your best bet.

Dwerg1 · 2020-06-04T19:54:05+00:00

You don't need to have the same interest as her. The fact that you don't have a huge interest in something she does, doesn't mean you have anything against it. If you pretend you have interest in something it will only be embarrassing when she discovers your lack of knowledge about it doesn't match your apparent interest level.

It's actually a good thing of she has other interests than you, may be you just haven't thought about it. You can take an interest in it, ask questions and learn about it (that is if you're actually curious though). Easy way to build rapport.

Start presenting your opinion, don't expect that others will agree. Most people respect that you have a different opinion, even though they don't agree. This is fine.

minpunzel · 2020-06-05T08:55:55+00:00

Find a hobby, focus on yourself. Or love and get your heart broken then you’ll learn to focus on yourself and learn that when it’s right, it’s easy.

GrandMasterB19 · 2020-06-05T02:09:28+00:00

When people are talking about things they like, you don't have to say "me too." You could say: "Tell me more about that," "what have you learned from that," "how did you pick up this hobby?" This type of stuff is way more charasmatic than a simple "me too."

The reason you don't want to share your perspective is likely the same reason most people don't want to share their perspectives. People these days are wounded little snowflakes and they're extremely millitant about their beliefs. There's nothing wrong with respectfully disagreeing with someone but if you do you will occasionally face backlash because people these days are so insecure that they will take your disagreement or indifference as a personal blow to their ego. The extremists are the only ones talking right now, most average people are afraid to speak their truths because they know they'll receive a never-ending shitstorm in return from anyone that takes the slightest offense.

pua_max · 2020-06-05T03:39:33+00:00

The guys here have given you a lot of good advice on soul-searching and introspection. I'd recommend to follow it if you can. It's hard to find your inner confidence though when you're in that hole of neediness and lack of options.

I say this. Go out and expose yourself to lots and lots of women. A lot of them won't like you, but some surprisingly cute and hot ones will at least give you the time of the day. You will be forced to face your fears rooted in low self-esteem through action. Obviously this is hard as shit but I did it (took me months if not years) and I think you can too. Cold approach is the most straightforward way to get exposure, but any opportunity to open and talk to new women is fine. The crucial thing is actually to open and get into a conversation, not walk around with your head down outside for two hours "cold approaching" (I did that too!).

At the same time, do all the things everyone else has mentioned. Models by Mark Manson. Breaking down your own desires and traumas. etc etc. Good luck.

JH1427 · 2020-06-05T16:52:45+00:00

My first impression is your being as far as you can be from authentic. Grow some balls and get to know who you are. You will not have to struggle pretending to be who you think she wants you to be.
Do you really want to be with a woman who wants someone you are not?

GIJne69 · 2020-06-07T12:21:29+00:00

Be yourself. Don't be afraid to be different. One thing that I've learned is that if you just agree for the sake of being like others that people will see right through it when you can't effectively keep the conversation going by providing further information on the subject. You also would need to show that you are outwardly interested and not just making a statement. But again, please be different most of the time in this world where many try to emulate others. Being the same is boring - sometimes it's painful bring different, but people will grow up to realize that being the same is mundane. So please, just be who you are.

bertso9 · 2020-06-04T17:01:59+00:00

Dont make it so easy for the girl and say me too to everything she says.

You will seem fake and needy. Give some small challenges from timr to time.

'i like cars' you have to have the opposite, even if you do like them.

TomasGee · 2020-06-04T19:05:17+00:00

Yeah this is not being authentic. Ask urself what u like and stick to that no matter what reactions or opinions others will have of u. How to stop being needy? Same principle. U do what u want, when u want how u want (not to say this outside of social and logical context, use ur brain).

Title	How to be authentic
Author	MageChan
Upvotes	28
Comments	20
Date	June 4, 2020 3:27 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/gwjlny/how_to_be_authentic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-be-authentic.1496763 https://theredarchive.com/post/1496763

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