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SteveUrkelBigPlaya
[–]quinnmcd[M] [score hidden] 5 years ago stickied comment (2 children) | Copy Link
Can you edit this post and explain how to Identify a insecure girl?
[–]andreecook 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I had a chick get angry at me for not answering her call and accusing me of speaking to other girls after speaking for 3 days, never met someone so insecure I ghosted her after that.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
After lockdown and online dating it's such a relief for me to be chatting with a girl I met naturally.
Respect yourself lads!
[–]VFBis4mii 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had a girl get angry at me cause I didn't like her instagram comment on my post. Hadn't even seen it yet lol
[–]shubka6 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You are describing crazy women, not necessarily insecure. Everyone is insecure about something, including men.
[–]myusernamecreativeaf 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ultimately, the core of her crazy, manipulative and toxic behavior stems from insecurities. IMO
[–]kellzndacut 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
no hes describing insecure women. there are different levels of insecurity. hes talking high level.
[–]JenVixen420 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex boyfriend was exactly the same as OP's description. Insecurity isn't specific to gender.
[–][deleted] 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Insecure, low self esteem: easy lays.
[–]kellzndacut 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
for sure. the worst to take serious tho
[–]JenVixen420 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sadly, yes and then they think they own you and that you're property. 😬
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
Already done. Call me Casper!😁
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Especially the ones who always say “no im not beautiful. why me there are so many other beautiful girls out there than me why do you want me?”
[–]northwoodsgirl0717 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, this is more of a description of a manipulative person with mental health issues, I think. I've definitely found some guys like this too, although guys manifest it a little differently. And yeah.....run......
All people are insecure to some degree and the current dating world makes it worse imho. A little insecurity is to be expected, but looking for your date or potential date to fix that for you is a mistake. I think it alters the dynamics of the relationship in an unhealthy way. Dating is not therapy. And even if you are a therapist in real life, you should not "play" one when you are dating.
[–]JenVixen420 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"DATING IS NOT THERAPY" 👏👏👏👏👏
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! For the people in the back!
[–]GotDatObamacare 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Holy fuck I’m batting 1.000 with that list in regards to my ex lmao
[–]JenVixen420 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
SAME. UGH. I don't date anymore bc of the trauma he inflicted upon me.
[–]Blackiechan757 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
I initially had no issues with insecurities with my last woman, but she did have insecurities that I tried to help with and understand. I believed the notion that everyone is insecure, when that’s not actually a fact. You’re insecure, if you choose to be not because you have to be. It’s all mind over matter thing man. Now we all have moments of it, but that’s again a quick correction.
I unfortunately allowed her insecurities and the things she said to cloud my judgement and I then lowered myself and broke myself down trying to heal and bring her up. What he explained above happened to me, only I went from confidence and secure to weak and insecure for the time I was with her.
Don’t fix them, don’t bother with em. If anything they are good to sleep with and be friends with but that’s about it. At least till they fix their own mindset which can only be done on their own. There are plenty of women who won’t be a issue or won’t drag you down. Stick with them and don’t lower yourself
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Why would you risk impregnating crazy?
[–]Blackiechan757 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I’m not gonna turn down a fine piece of ass or a friends with benefits. Obviously take the precautions necessary to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant but I’m not gonna deprive myself because of her issues. She can figure it out, not my problem.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some women prick condoms. And OP is talking about crazy. So nothing is off the table. Don't stick your dick in anyone you don't want to share genes with.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
This is why men get caught up and have baby mama drama.
[–]Blackiechan757 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Lol that’s laughable, i test for that before I fuck the woman. Next. Tell that to the idiots who don’t take the steps necessary to make sure that a woman doesn’t fuck their life.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You test for crazy/condom pricking. I'm sure your lab is state of the art 😂
[–]Blackiechan757 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Beyond anything your feeble brain could comprehend. 😎
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
If you're calling people names you definitely don't know what you're doing. I pray all the pregnancy tests are negative for your sake.
[–]Blackiechan757 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
30 years of sleeping with variety of women and still no kids. Speaks for itself really. Also, just because I’m more direct with my insults doesn’t mean I ignore your sarcasm and passive aggressive behavior. Don’t take a stab at me when you’re In no position to talk.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How would you know no kids? Did you call everyone 5 years later to make sure?
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
yup I'd say tap that but dont date that.
[–]stayreal2020 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
good advice to just drink the milk and let the cow to pasture
Why would you risk impregnating crazy? Some women prick condoms boys. Bitches be crazy.
[–]QtK_Dash 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everyone is insecure, including men. One of the points you mentioned once in a while is normal from men and women. You’re talking about psychotic and manipulative women who are gaslighting you— not the same in my opinion. I wouldn’t date or sleep with someone like this, life’s too short. #SaveTheCount
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]KingRemu 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
OP wasn't talking about ghosting nor being in any way unfaithful. Anyone should be allowed to talk to anyone without someone accusing you of being unfaithful. Not answering immediately when you have a life is not bad communication or ghosting. People have responsibilities, places to be and things to do.
I've definitely had my share of insecure women. My ex was really jealous about other girls and made me unfollow all girls on Instagram for example. She also needed the validation she got from social media and she would actually be upset if I hadn't liked her new picture.
I never did anything to cause suspicion that I'd be unfaitful. I told her and showed her I loved her every single day. She on the other hand ended up cheating on me.
[–]aGirlnamedAddie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I agree! Of course, it's not all about ghosting and cheating and I'm sorry that this happened to you! Everyone has their priorities and life, I just pointed out that I've seen situations where men literally give mixed signals and by doing so end up hurting people. This can be translated into disappearing for days and always being online for example. I'll share a story.
There was this guy who was a friend of mine. We started as friends and I never expected anything else as there was no evidence of romantic interest in any of us. However, with time we really bonded and enjoyed each other’s company. Now, believe me when I say that we talked EVERY day. He started flirting with me and after a while, we started dating. He was telling me all sorts of crap. It was like he was stealing quotes from the Notebook. Long story short, after we slept together, the dude ghost me, and soon it was clear that he was dating another girl. Amazing, right? And despite all that, I suggested that we remained friends. After that, his idea of friendship took a very interesting turn, and by that, I mean more ghosting. That's just one story, and believe me when I say that I'm a veryyyy reasonable girl.
But it's all good, everyone is different, maybe when you say that you've got your own lives, you don't actually mean another girls or excuses to ghost somebody. Because at the end of the day, if somebody is important to you, you find time and effort to let them know! 💕
[–]KingRemu 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're bound to meet some shitty people along the way but this right here is what you should believe in when you're with someone instead of letting your own insecurities make up stuff in your head. And I mean this in general. Not saying you're insecure.
Thanks for the kind words as well. I've grown a lot since and overall I'm living a much fuller life so it's all good :)
Are we living the same life?!?! I feel all of this.
That's why she was so controlling about other girls. She cheats.
[–]RichHomieLon 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Someone’s hurt
[–]aGirlnamedAddie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh come on it was a playful comment providing a different perspective on the matter! No bad feelings! 💋
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]kellzndacut 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
girls always find a way to add such an unrelatable context purely out of anger and not wanting to admit when they wrong. notice he didnt say anything about ghosting at all. he literally only made BULLETIN point like statements that could be said for anyone. girls only do this bc they know they either have the characteristics or they know that this is facts about the majority of women and it makes them feel better to unnecessarily lock into female defense mode, like some feminist optimus prime, protector of all fembots.
[–]aGirlnamedAddie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course, he didn't say anything about ghosting because why would he? If you ghost someone you don't admit it to yourself because it's cowardly and pathetic. What I was trying to say is that ’not answering or communicating’ can easily turn into ghosting. If you feel like you need to take a break from somebody, there's more under the surface, and you should really think about how you feel about them. And by the way, us women, we've got our own lives too. So I'm familiar with the concept of leaving your phone aside every now and then. 💋
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M,🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
You’re full of shit. Just because someone gets upset if you ghost them or not communicate properly, doesn’t mean that they’re insecure. And men are often masters when it comes to gaslighting, so if your woman suspects you’re not faithful, she probably has her reasons. Peace out.
On one hand, the guy you were replying to just got perma banned forgetting antagonistic with a lot of people in a short period of time.
On the other hand, this reply of yours breaks Rule 4 as well. If you have a disagreement, you can surely communicate this without also escalating and triggering whoever you're talking to. Which usually involves a temporary ban of a few days.
A little ironic that you started off by calling what he said was shit and assuming that he must be unfaithful if his woman suspects so, and then gaslighting by saying you were just being playful.
While I appreciate the way you communicated with another guy who chimed in, the kind of negativity displayed in your initial comment is not acceptable, any more than Steve Urkel's comments were.
[–]aGirlnamedAddie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I understand that men have unpleasant experiences with women as well, but I think that it’s inappropriate to call someone insecure just because they want to communicate with you, which is essentially the foundation of every relationship. I may have gotten a bit spiky, for which I apologise, but I stand behind what I said.
And secondly, I never accused anyone of being unfaithful, only stated that it’s a possibility, in which many men would start gaslighting and saying words like ‘she’s too needy or jealous, or my favourite, insecure’. It’s not uncommon.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
1
.... I think that it’s inappropriate to call someone insecure just because they want to communicate with you, which is essentially the foundation of every relationship.
I agree that communication is the foundation of a lot of good things, both good casual flings as well as serious relationships.
And I would agree that it's inappropriate to call someone insecure just because they want to communicate.
2
But looking at what he said:
// "1- Needs constant attention or validation- Gets mad if you do not answer her call or text immediately"
Constant attention and/or validation is not the same thing as normal communication.
The other things that he mentions are also things that are valid concerns. It's possible to meet such people even when someone is playing everything on the straight and narrow.
Especially if someone is dealing with someone who has a personality disorder. Both men and women could check off the boxes that he described without the other person necessarily being dishonest.
If you really thought OP was dishonest, then consider next time citing the thing that leads you to believe this, and ask a clarifying question.
Kindly don't jump straight to accusations and escalation.
3
I may have gotten a bit spiky, for which I apologise, but I stand behind what I said.
While I appreciate the sentiment of an apology, I'm here to referee what is supposed to be civil conversation.
And when people create a tangent argument, it often doesn't serve anyone except the two people arguing.
4
And secondly, I never accused anyone of being unfaithful, only stated that it’s a possibility....
If the guy had made other comments which made it clear that he was being dishonest, that's another matter.
But absent that, we have a situation where you started right off the bat saying he's full of shit and then implied he was deserving of poor treatment
5
....in which many men would start gaslighting and saying words like ‘she’s too needy or jealous, or my favourite, insecure’. It’s not uncommon.
Sure, I agree this can happen.
But again, unless OP had said something which called his honesty into question, jumping straight into assuming he's the one gaslighting, is putting the cart before the horse
A lot of good points here! The issue with generalisations like in the statements above is that the lines between what’s valid and what’s not get blurred. And people have a different threshold of what’s acceptable or not. And they have every right, as we’re individuals and fairly unique. So words like ‘constant’, ‘needy’, ‘insecure’, etc ( and most of the vocabulary used in his post), are inevitably going to cause disputes as they are difficult to measure or justify, and they rarely allow objectivity. This is my main issue.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And people have a different threshold of what’s acceptable or not.
Sure....!
So words like ‘constant’, ‘needy’, ‘insecure’, etc ( and most of the vocabulary used in his post), are inevitably going to cause disputes as they are difficult to measure or justify...
It's an unfortunate reality of dating and relationships that the usage of such words can be necessary at times to describe unhealthy situations.
Sometimes a person might start dating someone who was already needy and insecure, and sometimes they may be inciting that in the other person. It's important to clarify the situation so the best help can be rendered.
Simply writing words off (as you appear to be doing, if I'm reading that right?) doesn't aid this kind of dialogue.
And all said and done, there are insecure and needy people out there. There are certainly emotionally unhealthy people that will drag people down if one gets involved with them.
One of the most common issues guys here face as they get confident enough to make moves and get dates, etc., is that they get more concerned with getting dates and aren't so much aware of the situations there getting into and whether those situations are healthy for them.
This was the general idea behind OP's post and it's valid.
Responding to him with assumptions about him, made it personal when he was offering general commentary about situations that are very real and happen all the time.
Granted, that guy had to be perma-banned because of his toxic response, but it doesn't change the fact that coming at him that way wasn't cool either.
[–]MaximumEntire 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've seen insecure men too... Feeling a constant need to be in communication and know what you're doing. Nope, see ya!
[–]PotatoLord1394 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All valid points. 👍
[–]kellzndacut 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]docent3434 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Never put your dick in crazy.
[–]delta-whisky 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It’s the most fun though
[–]bittr_n_swt 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Especially with a condom on
[–]delta-whisky 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Definitely, I just blocked a crazy bitch who was talking about how she’s lonely and wants to start a family and would ask me to not use a condom, saying I wouldn’t have to pay child support. The sex was amazing but she’s fucking crazy. Not getting myself trapped by that or making my kid get raised by that
[–]KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And take the rubber with you.
[–]bittr_n_swt 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely.
[–]GotDatObamacare -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Usually got the best pussy though
[–]KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Crazy vs. hot threshold. 😉
[–]LakersAreTerrible25 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My standards are high to begin with. I only date girls who get good grades like I do, go to the gym consistently and are at least a 9/10. Plus with the fact I'm in software engineering, I'm very busy and expect women I'm seeing to be the same and not text me a whole lot outside of logistics for meeting up. Whether that's hooking up or dating for several months. Too many guys settle for average looking women that have nothing going for them. If all of us had this approach, then this would force women to be more well rounded and not be insecure
[–]norwegiandoggo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How do you define an "insecure woman"? What do you mean by that?
IMHO, there's a continuum of liability - useful (crazy + needy + drama + emergencies - skills) vs. relationship type vs. hot. Even for just slightly more than HIAQI, you don't want a too insecure or crazy woman because they can turn around and accuse you of a crime, steal property from you, manipulate some chump into white knighting, or a million other problems. Plus, the insecure ones tend to have all sorts of hangups, repression, fear, anxieties, cowardice, timidity, and an inability to communicate needs/wants. Deploy psychological screening skills and tests before slipping tip!
My first ever relationship was definitely a captain save A hoe situation lol. I met her in the that we were living in. When I had the confidence to finally ask her out, I was way too quick and desperate to ask her to be in a relationship.
When I got my own place I let her stay with me to get her out of the streets. Especially because our mental health wasn't so great and I figured I could help her out. While there were moments where things could have worked, like our interests in making music and passions and all that shit, it was not worth the headache and frustration of her insecurities, ptsd, and whatnot, which eventually fucked me up too. I wasn't perfect either with my anxieties and huge lack of manhood and following the "script"
I ended things for multiple reasons. I see her as family but I am not going anywhere near that ordeal again in terms of a ltr. This is a part of me that I have to tone down a shit ton. No one can save you but yourself.
Thanks for this OP
[–]GEEZUS_956 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would say this is more of a toxic woman. My first thought at insecure woman are this fresh out of high school (22 btw; I’m not a 30 year old chasing 18 year olds) girl who is terribly nervous. Always giggling, looking down, and terrible at talking.
[–]PartyWithArty44 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One of my exes was saying I am going to the gym because I will lose weight and find a more prettier
[–]No_Ad_5775 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would like to add on point 1 ,she seeks validation online .
I absolutely agree with this. In ANY dating/hookup scenario if these behaviours are exhibited it's time to go. A lot of what's described are called gaslighting techniques. They're used to control and manipulate their partners. Its super unhealthy and is destructive to everyone involved. I've learned these traits come from addiction issues, unresolved trauma (whether the person is aware of trauma or not), former abuse/conditioning, incompetent birthgivers or lack of adult involvement growing up.
Also name calling for people who have the vast misfortune of being involved with such people is cruel. Sadly I've been on the receiving end of such behaviours from my partners. Its gone as far as physical abuse and even being raped so that I wouldn't leave.
MEN IN OUR THREAD PHYSICAL ABUSE IS NEVER EVER OK. Beating up men and expecting them to take it is fucking madness (and assault).
Please also be aware of the following:
-Theft -Coercion -Sociopathic liars
Peeps I understand that each of us have our desires/wants/needs/kinks however that's no reason for people to abuse us. Everything being described is a form of abuse. I'm super thankful to OP for posting this. 💜
[–]A_I_Hafi 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey !! Stop talking about my ex gf 💀💀😂😂
[–]TosACoinToYourSwitch 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I gotta say, 10 years ago I was this subs enemy. I remember quite vividly all the date rape advice that got passed down here.
And lo and behold, here's a post I could have written myself for an advice sub talking to men about not having low as shit standards for women's personalities and not tolerating the same kind of self centered narcissistic abuse women have been teaching each other not to tolerate from men for years now.
Kudos yall, it actually changed around here.
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[–]quinnmcd[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children) | Copy Link
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