My parents grew up in a backwards time so they married for survival purposes and were codependent and had all sorts of issues and thus are divorced not to mention abusive people and had emotional maturity of like 5 yo.

Fortunately, I live in the 21st century, so theoretically no more of that, especially with feminist movement and all that. Yet every woman that I've dated, who has independent vibes and has feminist leanings and careers, in which makes me erroneously believe that we could build a partnership - aka date and create a fulfilling relationship (not one based on survival or financial reasons but like an actual match) shuts down, avoid, or run when its time to do some heavy emotional lifting and talk through stuff.

Am I picking up on the wrong vibes when I date? The ones that obviously have more emotional skills tend to look for me to lead and all of that, which is great but inevitably makes me feel like a caretaker and no longer does it feel like a partnership or like we are equals. Unfortunately, I do want a partnership, and not be in a caretaker role as that's not fulfilling for me at all. I want someone who is their own independent person with thoughts, not just, sounds like a good idea honey.

What am I missing here? Isn't a partnership what most modern women want, yet when its time to talk about serious things like shared values, visions, working through conflict that often require heavy emotional lift, and a deep understanding of thyself, they rather just catch a flight not feelings.

How do I spot someone that actually wants to create a partnership an date in modern times? Not just thinks they want to, but is still looking to build a backwards relationship.