Not sure what to say. Went to Easter dinner at my Mothers, with my Son and stbxw. While I am told that we are going to continue to spend holidays together, I feel like this was the last one. She is amazing at putting on a good face for people around, but as soon as we are alone, she is so cold. I know that I am going to be better off when this is all said and done, but right now it’s damn hard. I really hate this. Even thought I have come to realize that I am in a horrible relationship, and that she has beaten me into submission over the years.

Last week, I had two days that I was kinda like my old self. It was really great. I was happy, and carefree. The old me. This was when I was at work. Then I got home, and it was back to getting punched down. (Not physically, but mentally and emotionally.)

But I’m not exactly sure how to feel about all of this. Even thought I know my relationship was not good, in a weird way, I want nothing more than to go back to the old ”normal”.

Sorry for the rant, I know I’m all over the place.