This year has been absolute hell. On Christmas Day I get the “I don’t love you anymore”. Merry Fuckin’ Christmas. It’s been a long road to get to where I am right now. I am ready to move on. I have realized that I have not been in a healthy relationship. I realize that she is abusive in many ways. That I have been trying to make someone happy, that most likely does not have the ability to truly be happy. Which I feel bad for her.

But It used to be everybody else’s fault. It used to be work that made her so unhappy. (Now she loves it).

I’m the source of her unhappiness.

I read the lyrics of a song she always sings. It about how someday she’ll find the person that can make her happy, even in her darkest places. I know I’m reading into this more than I should. But it hurts. I’ve tried so hard. Taken more shit than any 12 people deserve.

But I can’t make her happy.

So destroy everything we’ve done over the past 2 decades. Negatively alter our child’s life forever.

Don’t work on anything. Don’t admit you need help. Don’t allow me to keep trying.

Maybe you’ll find someone that can temporarily make you happy. Until that runs out. I hope you don’t waste 20 years of that persons life.

I thought that I would be able to work through this, and hopefully be friends. But every day gets a little darker, and there’s less hope of me ever wanting to be associated with her. She makes me sick.

Sorry. Needed to get that out.