Advice for picking out Misandry red flags?

SvitlanaLeo · 2024-04-18T21:37:23+00:00

“real man”

including “real men are feminists”

Puzzleheaded_Pea_889 · 2024-04-18T22:04:49+00:00

I look for whether they constantly complain about men or pride themselves on being an asshole to men - especially if they think of it as some cutesy personality quirk. Everyone might complain about something the opposite sex does occasionally, but if it’s a core part of their personality then it’s a problem.

Whole_W · 2024-04-18T20:45:27+00:00

If you want to be really upfront I suppose you could outright ask them how they view the way both men and women are treated in society, and about sexual equality in general.

Peptocoptr · 2024-04-18T21:32:52+00:00

I see no reason to even put up with this unless that particular woman would be equally tolerent of a man who says he hates women.

Also, why would they make this statement to "test our misoginy levels"? Explain the logic in that

Tevorino · 2024-04-19T11:55:14+00:00

They make the I hate men statement to test our misogyny levels.

I have been on a lot of first dates in my life and never, ever had a woman flat out say "I hate men" in that context. It's hard to imagine a more ridiculous thing for someone to say on their first date with a man. The closest thing I ever heard to that, on a date, was "I'm so sick of brown men" which doesn't target me since I'm white. In the context, I think she was intending for me to take that as a compliment, even though it's an absolutely ridiculous and vile way to compliment someone (unfortunately, I would be lying if I said that it was a turn-off). If a date ever directly told me that she hated a group of people of which I am a part, that date would come to an immediate end (again, I would be lying if I said that I ended the dates with the racially prejudiced women, even though I probably should have).

I have, on rare occasions, heard women say "I hate men" or something directly to that effect at social gatherings, and my immediate response has been to say something to the effect of "I don't feel welcome here" and leave. That has resulted in some mean-spirited remarks being made towards me, yet I have never imagined for even a moment that I was failing some kind of "test" by walking away, especially one that claims some level of misogyny on my part. I simply see it as imposing a negative consequence on others for directly expressing their hate towards me, and I am not so naive as to think that this could actually stop them from hating men. Rather, I'm trying to break their confidence that they can get away with encouraging others to hate men, and thereby contribute to preventing the creation of new misandrists. If it also causes her to actually develop some respect for me, or causes others who saw this to gain the confidence to do it themselves, that's a bonus.

As far as more subtle (and presumably more common) indicators of misandry are concerned, if I'm on a date with someone who has nothing positive to say about any man in her life, that's a huge red flag. Ideally, I want to hear a life story in which she says more positive than negative things about other people, and she has positive things to say about both men and women in her life. Another major red flag for which I watch is if she speaks about other people as if everyone is either 100% good or 100% bad, which is really a test for the "splitting" symptom of borderline personality disorder rather than a test for misandry, but I still find that it's a good filter for keeping all kinds of toxic people out of my life, including misandrists. A major "green flag" is when someone is willing to speak about their own role in things that went wrong in their past relationships with others (both romantic and otherwise), because this indicates an internal locus of control and a belief that others are not entirely to blame for their problems. In fact, I would suggest that both misandry and misogyny are themselves the symptoms of deeper psychological problems such as BPD or NPD.

Samosa_mann · 2024-04-19T09:26:55+00:00

If she is micro aggressive against some innocent comment you made calling it mansplaining, please run. These people understand what good faith opinions mean, they just want to intimidate you.

Akainu14 · 2024-04-18T21:34:16+00:00

they make the I hate men statement to test our misogyny levels

For real??

Thaddy0099 · 2024-04-20T12:15:12+00:00

Idk, for me when someone says "I hate men" unprovoked then that's already a red flag. Sometimes it's valid, like when a man was just catcalling her for instance, but if it's unprovoked and just comes up during normal conversations, that shows sexism

"Men are trash" isn't such a common sentiment where I live and whenever someone says that, they're chronically online and got it from TikTok/Twitter/Insta.

So I'm just looking out for wether a woman is in one of these incel bubbles. Which can be characterized by the use of certain words that are commonly used there. Such as "weaponized incompetence" or "mental load". All of these terms are red flags for me, meaning that I'm becoming cautious afterwards and they need to show good faith for me to accept that

throwawayacctest · 2024-04-20T13:52:49+00:00

I understand that this post is for increasing awareness. But if you are dating in any Western City, wouldn't most of the red flags mentioned in the comments be applicable to almost all girls?

We can't really expect women to be some magical creatures who somehow managed to fight the 24/7 aggressive brainwashing they are subjected to in the West.

I don't know the solution to this problem. But just saying logically.

Charming_Gift7698 · 2024-04-21T12:12:44+00:00

Thinking that men owe them something or need to be a certain way just because they’re men

Weegemonster5000 · 2024-04-18T23:04:11+00:00

I would think it is difficult. Women don't see misandry as real, those that do still never reflect on it, and society doesn't notice when it happens. I'd imagine all women are misandrists to some extent just due to how society runs, but to pick out if it is an issue or just your average person is tough.

I know when it would come up. Make a mistake, be vulnerable, split the bill, or communicate a problem you're having. See how harsh their reaction is. That will tell you what you need to know.

OuterPaths · 2024-04-20T00:28:51+00:00

I actually have an answer for this. You ask them some version of if they think women need men. In my experience, any normal, rational person answers this question with "yes," because it is self-evidently true. It may come with qualifiers, eg "women don't need men to be independent but on the balance yes, they do, because men offer something of intrinsic value just as women do." It is only people who have fallen so far down the gender war rabbit hole who can muster up the ideological boldness to say that half of humanity categorically doesn't need the other half.

WanabeInflatable · 2024-04-22T14:31:15+00:00

Seriously, do you give them second chance after admitting they hate men?

Besides misandry there is another widespread thing - double standards. This is typically framed as "no reverse sexism", "no systemic sexism against men", "men as a group are privileged and there can be no discrimination against them".

Longjumping_Dot_6209 · 2024-04-21T16:50:33+00:00

Ask her to write the word men down. If she spells it nem or m*n...run.

(Semi) joking aside. Get chatting a bit about general life stuff. What does she feel strongly about in society? Then gradually ask things like "what do you hate the most about the average woman and the average man?"

NHS_24 · 2024-04-20T03:22:13+00:00

I don't think what you're doing is correct, but it's not safe for you. Some of these feminists are very aggressive and violent, and I mean really violent, so be very careful when going out with them and dating them. I've even heard in the news recently that some feminists are outright (Unprovoked) attacking men and even murdering them, so be very careful when going out with these types of women, and even more cautious when having relationships with them.

Be safe man 🍀

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