I’m uncomfortable about my fiancé studying with a female coworker friend, seeking advice

lagoonbishop · 2024-05-09T13:48:24+00:00

I’m a dude and my advice may be a little crazy. Get ahead of your fears, befriend that woman as soon as possible, invite her to come study in your house, promise them a good drink/barbecue, ask her to come over often, etc. Whenever he talks about her, tell him to bring her around for X and Y.

What this does is it reduces the time they need to spend away from you and you can see the dynamic clearly. Also an opportunity to communicate in womanese to that woman to back off your man. Do this until they have no good reason to see each other outside of you.

If she doesn’t play nice, then you know what her intentions are. Either she realizes you are onto her and backs off. Or she’s really a friend and you’ve made a friend as well. Although, I bet she really is trying to steal your man and knows exactly what she’s doing.

Think about this. If your husband was the most powerful man on earth and a woman is trying to steal his heart. Would you tell him it makes you uncomfortable or would you use female game to scare her off?

I don’t see how you can communicate this verbally to him that won’t have a negative reaction of some sort. He’s going to feel you don’t trust him enough to sense danger and deal with it.

2024-05-09T18:06:51+00:00

I mean, your post history is proof that your boyfriend doesn't care about your comfort. at all. a microcheater (if not fullblown cheater) like your boyfriend working in the medical field is a talking, walking, breathing, red flag. I promise you that you will not find happiness with this man, and your gut is screaming at you to stop ignoring it. you don't need to marry and have kids with him to come to the conclusion that your boyfriend is not a good partner. please take a good look at your relationship.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-05-09T15:03:44+00:00

Is this fiance the boyfriend who was messaging girls on dating apps, or a new guy?

AlternativePrior9559 · 2024-05-09T12:43:37+00:00

Difficult one OP. It sounds like they are very close which is often how emotional affairs start but if they have no social interactions outside of the studying, - which would make it questionable - there is not much you can do.

UPDATEME

angelbaby420x · 2024-05-09T17:06:23+00:00

My ex used to give me his phone to message his colleagues for covering shifts etc and this one girl kept on asking questions like “how was your day hun xx”, always wanting to talk, calling him hun and using heart emoji’s. She had no idea she was talking to her colleagues girlfriend the whole time acting all flirty while receiving the most dead replies like “yup” and “haha”. I went into his workplace dressed up all hot n cute, and was really sweet to her while enjoying a lil pda with my then partner. Ex bf and I were also out, and I was using his phone to look something up and a notification came up like “Hi hun, what are you doing today ❤️” and I replied “Hi this is _____’s girlfriend soz I was using his phone and saw your msg. We’re on a date”. Went back to his workplace too, again, looking real hot, did my thing. She stopped acting flirty w my ex and got herself a bf a few months later thank goodness. Girl… I had to conquer her and it worked. I only told my ex around the time I replied to her, and he thought it was so cute how riled up I got hahaha he was so great. I was lucky he didn’t make me feel bad. I’m so sorry about your situation. The advice people have provided here is really great, good luck :)

well-ilikeit · 2024-05-09T13:03:20+00:00

I think this situation requires another conversation with your fiancé.

If it were me , I would begin by emphasizing that i know how important the exam is, admire his hard work, and want him to succeed. I am prepared to spend less time together as the demand for studying increases. I understand. But I will miss you and it’s difficult knowing that while I miss you, that time will be filled by you spending a lot of alone time with another woman. I know you tried to reassure me, but I am still uncomfortable.

Then I would wait for his response and hope that he is open to putting limits and boundaries on the study relationship. He should take initiative himself if he cares how you feel.

yduow · 2024-05-09T20:21:24+00:00

has also said she’s attractive

they’ll be meeting a few times a week to study

Red flags. You don’t need to study with someone so often. If you need a buddy, it’s most efficient to study by yourself most of the time and only allocate a little to the other person.

If she was a teacher I’d have a different opinion, but she’s his fellow classmate.

SunRose42 · 2024-05-09T20:22:47+00:00

You’ve posted about this before OP. Doesn’t sound like a good situation. He calls her “beautiful” and raves about what an amazing person she is. And now insinuating that she’s less comfortable with you around…none of this looks good. The woman might be innocent enough, but this doesn’t look good for your fiancé. I’d consider having a discussion about boundaries and being prepared to either enforce them by leaving or wait for him to try to cheat on you.

RevolutionaryMess225 · 2024-05-09T20:31:36+00:00

men and women can NOT be just friends. it's impossible.

hangun_ · 2024-05-09T12:07:13+00:00

You can tell him it makes you uncomfortable. But leave it at that. Otherwise you'll push him towards her. It's so hard, but it's the best move. Keep your head high.

Nerdslayer2 · 2024-05-09T13:57:45+00:00

Ask him if he would be ok with you studying with an attractive man all the time.

AStarkAmongWolves · 2024-05-09T22:36:33+00:00

He’s sus.

rpc_e · 2024-05-09T22:44:35+00:00

Men and women CANNOT be friends, this is human biology. This is an extremely problematic situation. I personally wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who does things like this.

fuiijjk22 · 2024-05-09T14:41:09+00:00

I would recommand to mirror his behaviour. If he is studying with this girl and don’t want to stop or at least don’t want to reduce the frequency of the study meetings, you have to do something similar. For example, you can go out more, so you redirect you energy to yourself. Go out with your friends, hit the gym, do some activities. You will be distracted and he will notice and ask himself why are you going out a lot more? And start to think that you met someone else, the idea is to make him regret not spending more time with you, the absence is a powerful trick.

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sagittarius_sugar78 · 2024-05-09T23:08:06+00:00

I agree with several of the previous posts, especially the one that suggested befriending her and the one suggesting getting some extra hobbies. It will help twofold having healthy distractions are a great way to heal after a breakup and can help restore some of the umpf in the relationship. If you invite her and she constantly declines, then he can see she up to something. If he makes excuses, I would invite her personally and as soon as possible to gauge the situation, but as some other replies stated, it seems as if your fiancée may be the problem. But all of this only works of you are prepared to leave for real if things are fishy. Because remember, marriage is a lifetime commitment.

aussiedollface2 · 2024-05-13T05:24:03+00:00

He said she’s attractive? He’s enjoying the attention of two women. It’s really up to you whether you tolerate this or not tbh.

Lili0103 · 2024-05-09T15:50:47+00:00

I would ask him to either find a male study partner or simply study by himself. You can also quiz him, with answers in hand, and you can help him have more study time at home by preparing his meals and cleaning and doing the shopping. You can also help him by researching relaxation messages for the head and hands and back for example.

Whatever he needs from you which you are capable of doing, short of letting him spend an inordinate amount of alone time with an attractive woman whose personality he also likes. Really now..

Independent-Story883 · 2024-05-09T16:57:46+00:00

Hmm. Difficult. You use some very interesting terms. Attractive, cultural, medical and fiancee.

Assuming this partner indeed is long-term marriage material and going into the medical field. I would do three things.

1) Explore why I am insecure with this woman. In the medical field there will always be a cute nurse, doctor, secretary, patient, colleague around the corner. They are like wack-a-moles. Invest in your self so you feel less threatened. Meditate. Immerse yourself in his culture, workout, pay attention to cosmetic concerns, get to know his family. Above all know you are of value. If he is not recognizing this and drawing everyone attention to this — he is not marriage material.

2) I would calmly and politely ask him to find another study partner. Don't lecture. Don't explain. Don't apologize. Don't nag. Marriage is a decision. He must decide and choose you. If he does not respect your wishes at this point, no matter how silly or unfounded they maybe. He is signaling poor marriage material ( unless you have agreed to open relationships ). If you allow this he will gateway into more concerning behavior. If he chooses you. If he wishes to be married to you he will cut her off immediately.

3) I would calmly and politely ask her to not engage in inappropriate relationship with your fiancee. Do this out of the public eye. It can be a non threatening call. Or text. Clearly your fiancee has her number. For 99% of women this will be enough. I think this step is necessary because men lie. You don't know what he is suggesting or telling her ( it's okay she doesn't love me, it's okay we are about to break up, its okay we are in an open relationship ). Just be clear. Firm. Lady like. No threats. Again most women would not dare continue after you wave the flag. Even if they have interest, they don't want to wear that scarlet letter in public.

AutoModerator · 2024-05-09T10:50:50+00:00

Title: I’m uncomfortable about my fiancé studying with a female coworker friend, seeking advice

Author Pearlsandpetticotes

Full text: Hi RPW. Maybe I'm being insecure in this situation, I am trying to see rationally but this is bothering me alot.

My fiance has known a female coworker for around a year now. Just recently she has been more of a topic as he has started to study with her for an up and coming medical exam.

He is fond of this woman- describes her character as very good and has also said she’s attractive.

He told me he met her when they were put into small study groups around a year ago. This has stopped, but now he sees her in a class once a week alongside 30 others.

He knows a few people in this class, however he’s particularly interested in studying with her because they get on well, she’s from the same cultural background as him, she is the most studious, others don’t want to attend the study group etc. He said that they’ll be meeting a few times a week starting soon, increasing to daily near the time of the exam. The studying will last for months.

The other day my fiance and myself went to a work dinner, and she attended. After introducing herself, she announced to the group that she studies with my fiance and immediately looked at me as if to see my reaction. During the dinner she was fine with me and I was polite with her, however I noticed she was quiet and didn’t really open up many topics with my fiance. However when I went to the bathroom I came back to see my fiance looking at her and smiling as they were both conversing. When fiance and myself got home he told me that she usually comes up to him and introduces herself and speaks a lot to him, and hinted that me being there could have made her uncomfortable so she didn’t speak to him as much.

This has caused some friction between my fiance and myself. There are a class of 30, mainly women, who she could befriend and study with , but she choses my fiancée. Right or wrong, I am uncomfortable with them studying at least several days a week together for a few months. My fiance has told me that he loves me and that she means nothing to him but he will study with her, and I have to admit that I am upset.

I don’t know whether I’m out of order in this situation and should accept it. I would appreciate any input, thank you!

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Cocobunny0712 · 2024-05-10T10:52:16+00:00

I’d say no

FalseConsequence4184 · 2024-05-16T02:22:22+00:00

Seems suspect my lady. Do you trust him? I can’t trust her, but why not just tell him it makes you feel terrible, and if he is ready to marry you this should be a non issue. If I’m about to marry my bride, I’m not letting some random “ attractive “ classmate ruin that for me. Best to you both!

TheBunk_TB · 2024-05-09T12:42:45+00:00

Have you verbalized any of this to him?

Title	I’m uncomfortable about my fiancé studying with a female coworker friend, seeking advice
Author	Pearlsandpetticotes
Upvotes	13
Comments	35
Date	May 9, 2024 10:50 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cnuaw5/im_uncomfortable_about_my_fiancé_studying_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-uncomfortable-about-my-fiance-studying-with-a.1517983 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517983

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