Just shy of 10 years and thinking about ending the marriage; advice?

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-05-14T18:23:23+00:00

Both options suck but one will eventually get better. Start planning now

fffrdcrrf · 2024-05-12T05:06:00+00:00

Might not be politically correct advice but screw it, i stopped caring and became stoic

Nowhere2_GoButUp · 2024-05-10T17:29:01+00:00

Something I learned recently, when we stop talking, we pause the progress/healing/moving forward in any relationship. I know she brings it up a lot, but there is a safe way to process it and talk about it, and a better way for her to engage that convo as well. I've been on both sides of that, saying from experience here. If she has skeletons in her closet, maybe you both bring this to MC to hash it out, or at least to get along for the kids until D is finalized.

The flip side is, if you have a consult with any attorney, you bring the slip with you back home to show her and call her on that bluff. Things will get worse before they're better, but eventually stuff will begin to change, good & bad.

whiskey_piker · 2024-05-10T16:56:41+00:00

The issue is always - do you even want to salvage or knowing that people don’t change, would you choose this person today?

Pay for a 1hr consultation w/ several divorce attorney so you can understand all the steps that you are about to encounter. Will help you strategize your moves.

captainchippsixx · 2024-05-10T16:55:14+00:00

Year after year of Unhappiness will kill you. Dude the kids know your marriage sucks and you don’t Want them thinking this is the way to go.

My advice is tough man. You consult 5 attorneys and see what the outcome for you state will be. You start protecting your self financially. Meaning make sure you have some money for emergencies. Accounts and. Credit cards are monitored. Get the car you want now. Think about any precious items you have in the house and should you relocate them.

Now the hard part. Be the leader. Call your parents. Then Call her parents. Lay out what you can. As far why it sucks. You just wanted them to Know what is going on and that you are going to talk to the wife. You should talk to her right after this call.

Tell her this shit ends now. Either she is your wife and we make things better. (You can still disagree but have to be the leader) But shit like. Example 1 and example 2 will not be tolerated. Or we can look into divorce. I spoke to my family and your parents already.

You have back your talk up. You want change then go back to the old ways before marriage. You aren’t going to take shit anymore.

soontobesolo · 2024-05-10T16:28:43+00:00

Talk to a lawyer immediately and strategize carefully, and quietly. You'll have to make your move soon.

Life is too short to tolerate a shitty relationship.

There is NO reason you cannot get 50% custody and be totally active in your kids' lives. DO NOT move out or relinquish the house without a lawyer's guidance. Be a top dad.

_SpeedWolf_ · 2024-05-10T15:08:13+00:00

No advice here as I’m in nearly the exact same situation.. but just letting you know you’re not alone. Lots of dudes out there hanging on to make it right for the kids. Keep your chin up.

Classic_Dill · 2024-05-10T14:25:06+00:00

I absolutely hate cheaters, I mean, I hate them! Probably because I was cheated on myself, and I know the pain and trauma that it causes, but let’s look at the situation, you’re being basically tortured at home, and now she’s threatening you if you try to escape the situation, I’m not saying that you should, but I would totally get you stepping out and cheating on her. I think it’s that bad. I’m not saying to do it, though, the kids will always be angry with you for it. But I would understand.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-05-10T14:08:08+00:00

And don’t forget, just because she is the “mother” doesn’t mean you are obligated to “leave the kids with her”.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-10T08:16:52+00:00

Kind word: Filing or serving her on or near your anniversary date, without a legally compelling reason to do so should be avoided as it will add at least $10,000 to your legal bills based upon the anger it will generate. Same with birthdays, etc.

On the flipside: It's a great way to send an F-you message if you're okay with the fallout.

47omek · 2024-05-10T03:19:27+00:00

10 years in some states is the point where permanent alimony kicks in. Look into whether that is the case in your state. If it is, based on what you're posting about how bad the relationship is and that you're working 70 hours (likely making alot more income than her), you need to get an attorney and file ASAP. She sounds really disrespectful towards you, and once a woman gets to the point of disrespect to her husband there's no going back. Mine was similar, and I don't regret filing on her at all.

Title	Just shy of 10 years and thinking about ending the marriage; advice?
Author	LateShape1203
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	May 9, 2024 11:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cob80g/just_shy_of_10_years_and_thinking_about_ending/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-shy-of-10-years-and-thinking-about-ending-the.1518061 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518061

Comments