My wife and I married in 2010 after a 9-year courtship. things got rocky in 2020 and have not improved. She is insisting on divorce and.... she has generational wealth. We currently live in a mansion she bought with her father's money but it may not be in her name because he lives here too. She has ALWAYS earned more than me. 6 figures. She contributed 400,000 to buying the 3.7 Million dollar mansion. I have been confined to sleeping in the guest room for 2 years now. She claims with our coupples therapists that I have been "emotionally abusive" and that she is afraid of me. Never any violence, threats or violent speech, just fighting over money and stress. The therapists agree we fight a lot but there is no time when the therapists ever blamed me and she claims she felt the therapists often made her feel that SHE was the problem. I apologized for everything and she still claims I am abusive. I am told by my therapist that "emotional abuse" won't factor into alimony and that, so long as there is no physical abuse it should be legally irrelevant. Every coupple divorcing feels the other is emotionally abusive and such. She has no savings and has spent everything on furnishings for the house and on nesssisities and lavish for her and the kids. I have been giving her $1,000-1,500 per month from my job. 40,000 a year shitty job. 2020 I was unemployed but we got assistance and I gave it to her. She has always managed the finances and I'm not certain I have even LOOKED at our so-called joint account or used money directly from it myself. We have lived in: A condo for 2 years, townhouse for 2 years, single family home (3 years of Silicon Valley prices, 2 years in Sacramento on my insistence), 2 years in a mansion in Gold Country. I have no debt and no money.... ever.

Non-finance: We have two kids and I felt living in the Silicon Valley (seriously, have you SEEN housing prices there??) was not the best use of our money. She was self-employed and mostly traveled to gig-sites with me who helped her without being paid. I also had a full time job, neither of us worked in the tech industry and moving to Sacramento she could keep working, I could take care of the kids and drive for Uber when I had time and she never left the house except for gigs. I took the kids every day and she worked and made way more and we spent 50% on rent and $0 for childcare (this was what she felt was "abusive". We had no childcare in SCV and I couldn't handle the stress of an infant, a toddler, fulltime job, midnight feedings and a wife who cried more than both kids combined). She's a MILF for sure and should have no troubble attracting a much more submissive, doting trophy husband. I am not to her liking but I am aging like Paul Rudd over here. I get flirted with by an endless stream of DTF college girls. She and I were Highschool sweethearts, both very good-looking. I'm a VERY dedicated father and only wish to spend maximum time with my kids, sleeping, yes working, and well that's it. I have severe anxiety disorder and can only handle moderate stress which prevented me from achieving the same level of earning potential as she but she seemed unable to maintain that either and currently claims she is anxious. She helped me a lot with anxiety and I have tried with her but the therapists say "she's not ready". Her mother died from cancer a year before we got married and she may have old wounds from then. We live with her family now and she has plenty of child care. Our wonderful children are both in school and she has ample time to work now and divorce me. She is great with the kids and dedicates a lot of time to them and is highly critical of my parenting which is just more layed-back than hers. She wants a no-screens kind of thing.

Oh, uh, and I took HER last name when we got married. Still have it. My choice.

Give it to me straight, in all your experience and with everything you have all been through, how do I: A. Take the high-road, count my blessings and live a simple comfortable life in an apartment nearby without feeling guilty.

Or

B. Use the legal system to ensure I maintain a certain standard-of-living