So, a few days ago I made a post on the self subreddit wanting to vent about some past situations in my life.

Now, the responses were overwhelmingly positive.

And I got many messages thanking me for making something that resonated so much.

https://imgur.com/a/fcaqehg

Here's just a few.

But, One of the main things I brought up is how infuriating it was to constantly be treated like my struggling with loneliness and dating was a sign that I was secretly a horrible, misogynistic and entitled person who must have "deserved it".

As of now, I have a girlfriend. My best friend is also a woman. I am not and have never been a misogynistic person. I've never felt "entitled" to anything. Yet the hate and assumptions still rolled in.

I'm still getting hate filled messages like these. https://imgur.com/a/bzNRg0N

But I was raised on the internet. Trolls don't bother me.

What does bother me is all the people in the comments and elsewhere making outright lies and fabrications about myself and the contents of that post to justify their belief that I must be lying or secretly a terrible person. Since in their minds only raging entitled misogynists should have this problem.

https://imgur.com/a/lies-fabrications-jfFlSb6

Which only acted to prove my point again and again. These people are rabid and they will nitpick every little fucking thing to prove to themselves that anybody who is struggling or expressing frustrations about dating or being lonely MUST actually be a terrible person who deserves it.

From accusations that I don't see my partner as a person because I "only" mentioned that we both save money by living together and that it's super nice to have a warm hug to come home to after work.

In their eyes I should have included a whole extra paragraph about how I love her eyes and her smile and the way she laughs. And how I adore her drive and how artistic she is or how it warms my heart that my cat loves her too because she's put in the work to earn his trust. (But even that probably wouldn't be enough)

To accusations that my entire life is a fabrication because it gives them a bad case of cognitive dissonance if they read that an "unworthy" man could find a happy and healthy relationship.

And to end this all off. I am NOT a fan of shit rags like Andrew Tate.

But if this is how young men are being treated in "progressive" spaces when they try to open up about unfair and patriarchal expectations and frustrations in dating. Is it any fucking wonder that they would prefer to go to literally anybody else?

To cite an article that called this shit out nine years ago https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/

And suppose, in the depths of your Forever Alone misery, you make the mistake of asking why things are so unfair.

Well, then Jezebel says you are “a lonely dickwad who believes in a perverse social/sexual contract that promises access to women’s bodies”. XOJane says you are “an adult baby” who will “go into a school or a gym or another space heavily populated by women and open fire”. Feminspire just says you are “an arrogant, egotistical, selfish douche bag”.

And the manosphere says: “Excellent question, we’ve actually been wondering that ourselves, why don’t you come over here and sit down with us and hear some of our convincing-sounding answers, which, incidentally, will also help solve your personal problems?”

And feminists still insist the only reason anyone ever joins the manosphere is “distress of the privileged”!

I do not think men should be entitled to sex, I do not think women should be “blamed” for men not having sex, I do not think anyone owes sex to anyone else, I do not think women are idiots who don’t know what’s good for them, I do not think anybody has the right to take it into their own hands to “correct” this unsettling trend singlehandedly.

But when you deny everything and abuse anyone who brings it up, you cede this issue to people who sometimes do think all of these things. And then you have no right to be surprised when all the most frequently offered answers are super toxic.

Lastly, I only have two words to leave this off on.

Be better.