How do you deal with "things" in your life not going so well? Do you just side-step topics that you know are going to be a downer, or just go on lock-down until you are feeling in higher spirits?

ratfooshi · 2024-09-20T23:36:44+00:00

Sounds like a lot on your plate.

Your feelings are valid. This is my insight.

First, I learned that my down feelings are my body's way of telling me something needs to change.

This was mainly when I was surrounded by fake friends, dependent on authority, sailing far, but not knowing where to.

+ Change gave me clarity. Moved to a new city solo to start over.

Worked plenty jobs until I found the one that could support my vision. Now I work for myself.

I took plenty time alone to reflect and heal.
But also plenty time to meet new people and re-invent myself.

The things that don't "go so well" in my life end up becoming beautiful things.

I love my life.
I can finally say that after decades of darkness and fear.

You deserve to love yours too.

DaHouseSomalian · 2024-09-20T22:03:35+00:00

The more you complain the more people will avoid you. Just be superficial and fluff and positive. In the background, develop a vision and a plan of what your life you want it to look like and execute it. It seems that you are directionless and that happens when you don’t have a vision.

timjohnbrad11 · 2024-09-21T02:11:08+00:00

On the positive side, this experience will show you who your actual friends are. People you feel comfortable seeing are good friends, and the others are not (not to say they’re not friends but likely fair weather friends who you’d rather not be in a position of weakness with).

Regarding work, you’re not going to be your best self / put adequate time into finding the right job if you’re overworked in a job you don’t see yourself doing long term.

My advice (having been there once at the same age): lock down, focus on finding what you want to do, and take action accordingly. Easy to say, hard to do, but if you have the grit you’ll find a way.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-09-21T03:14:48+00:00

Message me. I have advice about work but don't want to say it on here because I don't like to talk about my job on here.

No-Preference8767 · 2024-09-21T06:59:54+00:00

Find good lies to tell or tell the truth in a self deprecating humorous way.

There's no use pulling back from people because they might judge you for your social status. Itll probably make your mental health worse to isolate rather than dealing with some trivial gossip about your employment status .

Now if your talking about girls and dating , you could put heavy emphasis on how much you were making at your old job. Girls don't mind an unemployed high income earner but dislike employed low income earners.

But it might be better for your sanity to find women that don't mind if you're broke .

HomelessMilkman · 2024-09-21T07:42:34+00:00

you're supposed to peacock about how awesome everything is in your life, how much fun you're having

Yes. Purely because 'whatever you feel, they feel' and if they feel good, you get results. Doing that mechanically without the 'essence' does not work obviously.

Fortunately, the paradox goes both ways. You can have a porsche and still feel like you're 'not good enough' as much as you can have nothing and feel fulfilled internally.

I have been homeless and I can only say that there is value in some degree of stability and safety. It is hard to have a good state of mind when you're fighting to survive. If you're not fighting to survive, it's 'enough'. It may not be ideal and I do believe you can be 'capped out by circumstance', we're not monks, but as long as the absolute basics are covered it's enough to get you pretty far.

You just have to understand that 'confidence' comes from surrender, from relaxing, from releasing, from acceptance, not trying, tension, concern, etc. You should check in on your body regularly. Are you relaxed and loose, allowing your energy to flow freely or are you draining all of your energy with tension.

You can't be a tense, shut-down person, grit your teeth and climb to the top. You have to relax, release, free up all of your bandwidth and then everything is effortless. You can't 'win' while you're carrying all of this in the club and you are carrying it in your body.

Hunt_the_Bay · 2024-09-21T09:27:19+00:00

You’d be surprised how many other people are hiding the hard times right now. You’re not a loser cuz the world is shit. Be confident in the character you’ve cultivated over the years and the person you are inside, not the outside pseudo “measuring sticks” of western society. You are always valuable and it is the society that is failing you if you feel otherwise.

KarmicPlaneswalker · 2024-09-20T23:24:24+00:00

The sad reality is, people don't want to hear about your sob story. So we all have to suck it up, put on a shit-eating grin and pretend the world is sunshine and rainbows; if we want to get anywhere in a social setting or casual conversation.

It's the same as trying to go too deep or invest too much during a first impression. A majority of people simply aren't comfortable with oversharing, or getting that personal with someone they just met.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-09-21T00:04:59+00:00

No, you don’t peacock how awesome everything in your life is, that’s just shallow.

But if you wanna express that you’re fun and are having fun, then I agree with you.

Your problems are average. i’ve known people who are extremely fun at parties but they have “I have 1 year to live” or “I’m going to prison tomorrow” level of struggles. So don’t beat yourself up. Your circumstances don’t define who you are.

lubwn · 2024-09-20T23:53:28+00:00

Stop comparing yourself to others. Truth be told everyone has their own problems and everyone's life is shit in their own eyes. They just do not spek about it. They fluff things up, they say how happy they are and what a great job they have but in reality we all crave higher pay, better hours, higher social pedestal and such.

And yeah, noone I know is "exactly where they want to be in their life". Everyone is heading somewhere. Some ascend, some descend but that does not mean you give up on whats worth. You still need to work and push through and if you put enough effort fruit of your labor surely comes.

So in short - We do not pull of from society (some do, go figure) but we just do not speak about what bothers us except to one or two closest friends. The rest thinks about how nice our lives are. The same how we think about others.

cleetusneck · 2024-09-21T00:30:36+00:00

For me I try to just get up and goto work and work hard. Come home and eat right and make plans to see my friends or family. If I stay home or avoid my friends I just start to spiral.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-09-21T01:16:07+00:00

I would concentrate on fixing those things rather than trying to bang... strags. Because lets face it, non strags would be walking away

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