Survey finds 1/16 women call their first sexual experience rape. What are your thoughts on this?

Professional-You2968 · 2024-11-13T10:20:06+00:00

Definitely something that needs further analyzing to understand what can be done about it.
And the same should be asked to guys.

Reaper621 · 2024-11-13T10:37:13+00:00

My ex wife told me the morning after our first time that she felt like I raped her. She relented later and said well, I still believe in very traditional values. I'm like dude... We're getting married in six months. Are you serious? Should have called the wedding off there.

redspikedog · 2024-11-13T10:45:22+00:00

their is always a bit of "pressure" when one wants sex. Man to woman or vice versa.

2.Woman are more likely to call out rape for various reasons. Dont want to ruin their reputation, dont want their friends or family to know, they liked them at that time but now that the guy is ugly or broke for whatever reason they make excuses and say its rape now.

3.Men are always going to be blamed. And when men blame, no one bats an eye.

Scrytheux · 2024-11-13T10:38:54+00:00

My thoughts are "No Accountability".

phoenician_anarchist · 2024-11-13T10:48:29+00:00

They still haven't fixed their SSL cert, but now I'm also getting a 400 bad request! Is this a chat gpt hallucination, or do I need to break out the old vpn?

(going by the text in the OP, again)

At least this survey actually seems to have provided the question set, but, as usual, they are expanding the definition of "rape" to the point that it's meaningless. (this is why they don't usually share the questions, btw). And these number still don't mean what they're trying to make them mean if they don't give the equivalent for men. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

These questions don't mention consent, not are they inherently non-consensual acts. If this is a digital survey where the participant can change their answers, it is possible that they answered "voluntary" first and then changed their answer after learning what they survey counts as "non-voluntary". Especially if the survey doesn't actually say "rape" at all.

This is similar to the occasion where a woman is convinced by her friends that she was raped/abused after the fact. (i.e. "i didn't realise it at the time...").

alter_furz · 2024-11-13T10:27:48+00:00

They subconsciously understand that deflowering = loss of value in the eyes of traditional men

They just have to shift the blame onto men.

And all those bodies afther the first one.... yeah you guessed it

PhotographMyWife · 2024-11-13T11:44:56+00:00

Normalizing is a phase in all the "raising awareness" functions that activists feel so passionate about. It's the part where I believe the moving of goal posts happens. That is not always a positive outcome.

Take things like "abuse" for example. It was a very extreme circumstance and not as common as pop culture made it seem. At some point during the "raising awareness" process, the qualifications of abuse were lessened to the point that if a husband disagrees with his wife, he is being abusive. If he even so much as speaks bluntly or raises his voice, she becomes "fearful" and the entire dynamic of the situation changes. It's systemic catastrophizing. The same applies to so many of the buzzwords that it's relationship repellent. In the end, it all contributes to deflection of accountability for women.

Go even further, women can still hide behind all sorta of legal barriers like "invasion of privacy" despite being married. "No fault" divorces are a security blanket which women can hide beneath and make their husband accountable for their bad choices. That sort of measure being emplaced in marriage needs to go away. Remove "No fault" divorces and I'd be willing to bet, there would be a major change in dissolutions of marriage. Or a major decline in marriages overall.

SaltyBigBoi · 2024-11-13T15:00:34+00:00

My first sexual experience was being molested by my neighbor who was a girl around 5 years older than me

LTDlimited · 2024-11-13T12:54:37+00:00

Checks out. friend of mine frequently does this. She went over her BF's house against her parent's wishes and had sex with him. Describing what happened, he initiated sex, as her parent's said he would, and she went with it. Nothing rapey about it, but then depending on the context, she'll say he SA'd her.

itsakon · 2024-11-13T15:29:04+00:00

Anecdotal: Women actively shame guys who are not coercive. All day every day. They call them nerds, and betas, use gay as an insult, complain that they are “creepy”, and of course the “incel” label for any guy who complains about it.

They’ve pretty much turned “marriage material” into an insult. It’s a synonym for dupe. At the best, they call good guys “Labrador Retriever” types.

Conversely, they reward “bad boys” with attention and sex. This has all been said a million times. People have pointed out the romance novels, and 50 Shades, etc. created by women for women. You simply cannot address any blame that falls on women.

For the blame at hand… with this question we are frequently talking about children. Teenagers pumped full of hormones. Kids with big ideas, lacking empathy, absorbing the messages that women and society send out.

There was a system for it, that worked to keep young women safe. That was religion and traditional marriage. 60 years ago, women joined and lead a rebellion against that system. We now have “sexual liberation”.

Freedom isn’t free though; you have to be strong enough to brave the risks. Women are now choosing not to be. So now we have the new religion of feminism, pushing the fire and brimstone of a mythical “rape culture”. Claiming once again to protect women… with the exact type of of oppression that women rebelled against.

It’s not gonna work. If you’re going to be “liberated”, you need an outlaw subculture that promotes good behavior. But, anecdotally, women are huge fans of misogynistic Hip Hop.

maggimilian · 2024-11-13T11:12:08+00:00

Time to set up a contract and carry alcohol and drug tests with you which you both make before having sex. Ah yeah and dont forget a lawyer as an independent third person who watches you while having sex.

Intrepid_Onion6183 · 2024-11-13T12:06:38+00:00

That we should do the same thing. Most men have sex with women they don't find attractive just because otherwise they would be sexless for life. That's rape, also because as they say the consent can be revoked at any time.

untied_dawg · 2024-11-14T13:07:15+00:00

some of this might be regret… bc “he didn’t act right,” or the movie playing in her head went sideways after she lost her virginity.

maggimilian · 2024-11-13T11:20:48+00:00

See my ex girlfriend once was naked in the bed and said "take me" at our first time but i had the feeling that she felt not comfy even she took that step and i was literally surprised. We hadnt sex that day, because i thought already back then that she would say later that she was wasnt ready and that she felt pushed because of expectations. In modern terms that would be rape in many studies because she was in a situation were she was pushed or i am bigger than her or i had to recognize that she felt not comfy etc. What i want to say is that in those studies many things can be rape even she took the first step. Later the women only need to drop some shitty reasons why they felt pushed. I mean damn you cant read their minds in those situations how they feel when they offer sex even if it is voluntary. Afterwards it would be still rape with those argumentations.

Later the same week i tried to setup a good comfy setting decorated the room, we took our time, did some foreplay and both were excited. And one led to another. I thought it would be better to let the situation develop compared to her "offer" few days before were she just was naked and said "take me". She said she couldnt have imagine a better first time. But nowadays first wouldnt be rape at first but could be stated as rape afterwards, and the second approach what was way more comfy for both of us would be clear rape... Even we both enjoyed it, because i hadnt clearly asked her.

Like you see, a woman can say it wasnt voluntary anytime no matter what.

I dont support that men should give a f*** of it, and just do what they want, as i stated i was worried the first time because i thought she felt pressured and denied her approach. But to be honest without a contract and third party people you will have hard time to conter anything a woman is saying.

omegaphallic · 2024-11-13T19:08:36+00:00

These "surveys" are scams, they always manipulate it in some way in order to get a panic inducing narrative to profit from.

lol_camis · 2024-11-13T14:51:25+00:00

I would need the context of each scenario to decide if I buy in to that. Rape is a very very serious thing. But so is crying wolf. And we know that both of those things happen all the time.

Knirb_ · 2024-11-14T08:25:17+00:00

They destroy the meaning of rape.

UbiquitousWobbegong · 2024-11-13T15:08:55+00:00

I think "not voluntary" is not the same as "rape". Coercion is such a gray area. What crosses the line is going to be very subjective.

There's enthusiastic consent, which is clearly not rape. Then there is gun-to-your-head rape, which is clearly rape. But then you have someone who is willing to sleep with Harvey Weinstein to get a leg up in their acting career. Was that sex coercive? Sure. But the women are also complicit in complying with the coercion. Plenty of people would (and have) perform sexual favors to further their careers.

It's like when you are a defendent who is offered a plea deal in court. By nature of the situation, you are being coerced into accepting the plea deal, even if you did nothing wrong. But the court doesn't consider it coercion because it is a normalized part of court proceedings. You are making the choice to accept or not, just as people do in coercive sex are, but because we've created this victimhood narrative around sexual coercion, particularly where women are concerned, we've removed their agency from the equation. We are categorizing an extremely vague and broad range of situations to try to turn them into black and white issues, but that simply isn't the case.

JazzPhobic · 2024-11-13T19:12:59+00:00

Regrets are not rape.

Simple as that.

I can believe victims, but 1 in 16 is a wildly overinflated statistic.

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-11-14T05:00:11+00:00

I wasn't raped my first time with a woman, or even coerced. But I certainly felt used. I thought she cared about me, I certainly cared about her, maybe even loved her, but she only wanted a one-night stand and treated me like crap. One of the worst nights of my life. I guess my two nights with food poisoning were worse, but that's about it.

the_woolfie · 2024-11-13T17:12:53+00:00

Hookup culture is a disaster, no one should have sex outside of a commited, long term relationship.

2muchtequila · 2024-11-13T14:49:31+00:00

That's eye raising, but not exactly shocking to me.

Think about how a lot of people have sex for the first time. They're probably younger, less confident, and less mature.

So if one partner is pressuring the other for sex and the partner being pressured goes along with it because they're not confident enough to say no or wait, that can feel like rape. That might not be what their is actually doing, but to the partner feeling pressure, they don't want to but they feel like they can't say no.

It's one of those odd areas where the partner initiating sex can do everything right with checking in, getting consent, and going slow. But for a lot of less mature people the fear of social rejection is so intense that it will lead them to keep their mouth shut and do things they don't want to.

Then there's dudes who operate under the idea of better to ask forgiveness than permission and will go for it even if she's actively trying to prevent it or she's saying no. In that case, yeah, that's rape and those guys should be prosecuted.

I've been friends with a lot of women and when the topic of first times comes up, there are a lot of situations where it doesn't exactly sound like a fun evening. I've heard a lot of women making it sound like their partner was a teenager who's hormones overroad their underdeveloped empathy. So she might say no, and he keeps asking and attempting until she finally gives in and says yes. He technically got the yes, but... that's still not cool. If you have to ask 12 times to get there that doesn't exactly sound like enthusiastic consent, it sounds more like breaking someone's will.

Infinite-Cold-2516 · 2024-11-16T15:33:37+00:00

I think part of the reason is that women choose their first sexual partner poorly

princess2036 · 2024-11-13T14:00:48+00:00

So I was raped when I was 16. But my first real sexual experience was when I was 18, with the guy I was dating. It was not like when I was 16 at all. He was amazing, and I still remember it.

randonumero · 2024-11-15T01:17:54+00:00

I think more men, especially adult men, should talk to women about their first sexual encounters. I won't say I did girls too dirty in HS but there was definitely a time or 2 where I put getting laid above doing the right thing. I was nowhere near the worst person at my school.

FWIW I know a woman who lost her virginity at 11. She and her cousin were at a carnival and opted some teenage boys. When saying you're so pretty and grown up didn't work he used threats which she as a child caved to. That's far from the worst I've heard.

AdSpecial7366 · 2024-11-14T16:14:45+00:00

It's quite common for women to say they don't want to have sex and then relent when their refusal is met with continued advances and pressure. Given the mismatch in power dynamics and physicality between men and women, women often "consent" out of fear. Make no mistake, this is coersion.

AndreasDasos · 2024-11-13T11:55:07+00:00

With all the paedophiles out there, even without getting all tinfoil-hat, being more numerous than we realised decades ago, sounds plausible. But I’d imagine it’s similar for men even if men are more pressured to deny this.

Title	Survey finds 1/16 women call their first sexual experience rape. What are your thoughts on this?
Author	AdSpecial7366
Upvotes	313
Comments	75
Date	November 13, 2024 10:15 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1gq9qkn/survey_finds_116_women_call_their_first_sexual/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/survey-finds-116-women-call-their-first-sexual.1535638 https://theredarchive.com/post/1535638

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