This still gets under my skin so much — Ex- outsources kids care to travel

First-Sail8421 · 2025-01-14T04:06:54+00:00

This is why children suffer the most from the selfishness of someone who betrays the home and destroys the family. And there is a special place in hell for ‘divorce whisperers’ who want their impressionable friends to get divorced so they can feel better about their own divorced selves. To your question, if the travel is bad enough, get a lawyer and see about adjusting custody. That will also affect child support, and even the threat of losing the gravy train may cause her to lighten up on the travel.

Unusual_University14 · 2025-01-13T12:54:59+00:00

Focus on the mission... more time with your kids. The kids will eventually figure out on their own who is their fortress of stability and who has other things to do. You need to get the kids to fully functioning independent adulthood. Hell, use the time to take them on vacation.

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2025-01-12T23:41:10+00:00

It sounds like you have "right of first refusal" and your ex is communicating with you in the correct manner. I guess my only question would be how much time in advance are you getting when she sends these calendar invites? I know we have a minimum advanced notice stipulated for certain things, but I'd have to look at the order to remember exactly what it says.

I'm sorry that you're frustrated. Divorce sure tends to put a magnifying glass on things.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2025-01-12T23:22:59+00:00

A few thoughts in no specific order

1 - Awesome you get more time with your kids. And if you can't make it work, you have a trusted caretaker. My ex would never offer me time if she's "busy" or "traveling" rather she just has her babysitter ... babysit.

2 - Even better than she communicates this stuff with you. She does not have to. Be grateful you have this level of "good" communication.

3 - Consider documenting all the times she has done this. After you established some type of status quo - (Ie, every other month she skips out for a week - and has you parent the kids) consider asking a lawyer your shot at modifying you lr parenting plan to include more time. THIS could lower any child support you owe.

Final thought - A lot of us would love to be in your position of having the kids MORE than your divorce says. Yeah you have to sacrifice a lot - sometimes your personal life, but I'd take that tradeoff in a heartbeat

Good luck!

regertsrus · 2025-01-12T23:00:02+00:00

Yeah my pathological liar and cheater X loves to travel with the umpteenth boytoy. I dont travel without my kids and my blended family. I dont resent her game. I resent her. A selfish self centered pathological liar who benefits from my dime and the system that allows her to opperate with impunity. Teach your kids not to be a narcisist. Thats all

Square-Year-3706 · 2025-01-12T22:37:54+00:00

Tough one. I think it depends how often. I have a weird parenting rotation that prevents me from doing a 7 day trip solo, which can be somewhat annoying especially since I work from home and a demanding job. Between the kids time and work, I don’t have a lot of time to socialize.

I would love to have one week per year, which would mean at least a portion of my parenting time would need to be covered by her and more likely an alternate for a portion, to just do a simple trip to recharge my batteries. But the guilt gets me, so I don’t.

detmus · 2025-01-12T22:32:01+00:00

I’m at the start of my journey. Is it the case that you have right of first refusal?

It sounds like your ex is communicating in an All Business manner. I can see how this would be very triggering. One thing I’ve had to learn on my journey is how I can do this same thing with communication. “This is happening, do you want A or B?” It feels cold and completely lacking in empathy to me, but it’s also necessary, and that perceived coldness keeps communication clear.

Title	This still gets under my skin so much — Ex- outsources kids care to travel
Author	Smooth-Sheepherder86
Upvotes	16
Comments	13
Date	January 12, 2025 8:59 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hzwsxu/this_still_gets_under_my_skin_so_much_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/this-still-gets-under-my-skin-so-much-ex.1541040 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541040

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