Transparency about dating during divorce

Nothoughtiname5641 · 2025-02-20T22:45:51+00:00

I share it on mine, you gotta honest with these women. I still get likes on the apps, I also let women who I meet in person know it as well. I'm not in a rush tbh, Im 4 months out from our separation.

NC_Geezus · 2025-02-20T21:28:51+00:00

I wait for the second call. The first call is really just a vibe check. If the vibe is good on call one, then I normally lead the second call off with the info and explain that if that's a bridge too far for them I absolutely understand. So far, it's been 50/50 with having an issue with it, but everyone was cool with how it was handled.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-02-20T19:36:01+00:00

I'm up front and honest about it.

I tell them exactly what's going on. I also tell them if my shit is too much, I don't take it personally if they pass on me.

I've been on since late October. Had lots of matches and tons of conversations. Only a couple have said "Naw." People are so unaccustomed to brutal honesty, they appreciate it and are wiling to give me a shot.

I've had dates with four women. All were great gals. The latest is head and shoulders over the rest and we are very optimistic about what we might be able to build.

But it all starts with honesty, there's no path forward with out trust.

rationalvet · 2025-02-20T16:42:22+00:00

Nah man. I wouldn’t do that until after everything was finalized and I had healed from the breakup. I think bringing another person into the equation before everything is finalized is unfair to them. And if you haven’t healed they will be nothing but a rebound. I was the rebound to my stbxw and it didn’t work out for me. And rarely if ever does.

I understand the loneliness in the big house when the kids are gone. But that’s when you heal. Be intentional about your healing because to find a good partner in the future you have to be 100% ok with being alone and loving yourself first.

If you are going to date though, being 100% honest about your situation is paramount, anything less and you are being unfair to that person.

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2025-02-20T14:14:01+00:00

In 2018, I got sober from alcohol at the end of January. Filed for divorce in March. Moved out in May, and thought I was ready to start dating in July.

I had thought the alcoholism would be the big red flag. Nope. It was the not-yet finalized divorce. I was equally transparent about both and the alcoholism never bothered any of the matches.

In hindsight I could have waited a little longer before dating, but I didn’t have any tolerance for loneliness.

jimsmythee · 2025-02-20T13:54:39+00:00

I was always upfront in dating…. “I’m fully separated from my stbxw and living apart.” Made things easier.

not_actually_a_robot · 2025-02-20T13:13:47+00:00

So far I’ve only made one post on a Facebook singles page about a week ago, and made sure to mention I was still in the process of divorcing my stbx. Even with that I got some interaction and I’ve been chatting with someone since then.

I say give them the info and let them decide if they want to get involved or not.

ImportantRecipe3087 · 2025-02-20T12:57:11+00:00

Wait for them to ask. It would be weird if they didn’t ask about your situation early on. Then just keep it simple and to the point. No special detail or emotional rubbish and move the conversation on to something positive. If she presses for more details just decide for yourself how much you’re prepared to share. Of course don’t say anything that isn’t true but I’d avoid making the topic a big issue.

TerribleAmbassador69 · 2025-02-20T12:08:44+00:00

I let women know where I was in the process pretty early in the chatting phase. Some had already lived through it and understood how the process works. Some wanted to wait until the divorce was finalized. Some wanted to call it off bc they didn’t want to be the rebound. It’s a case by case situation. I got a huge self-esteem boost seeing that I wasn’t the hot garbage my ex led me to believe.

Don’t lie. Don’t feel bad for wanting to see what’s out there. Respect that each woman is different and can make her own decisions to date you or not.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-02-20T06:43:47+00:00

Anyone you date while the divorce is ongoing and the first one you date after the divorce is by definition a rebound. DO NOT MARRY A REBOUND ... EVER. And very few partners want to be the rebound.

It's unfair not to tell them you're going through a divorce - but then leave it at that. If you try to turn them into an emotional support animal, they'll either blaze or trap you and and you will end up MARRYING YOUR REBOUND - which you should not do.

If you just want to have someone in your life and don't care about being fair to them, i guess you don't have to tell them. But it will become obvious, i would imagine at some point.

As you're seeing, some are down with it and some aren't. Why not just put it on your profile? Saves everyone time. It's a wet blanket because it's a fucking wet blanket. I guess if you just want to flirt or whatever - then yeah, keep it off your profile.

Ideally, you shouldn't be dating during the divorce. But that's not practical in most cases. Make sure your lawyer knows and follow their advice - as it's state by state.

Title	Transparency about dating during divorce
Author	Vivid-Polygon
Upvotes	8
Comments	12
Date	February 19, 2025 1:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1it5ynj/transparency_about_dating_during_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/transparency-about-dating-during-divorce.1544391 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544391

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