Something happend two years ago. Me M35 and my wife F34 went through a rough time. She was fed up with how things were. Starting talking about how she she doesn’t love me anymore and hints about how she ”missed out”.

Ile admit it. I am a complex person. As a parent of young kids and a full time job in academia I have been barley breathing the last few years. She is in the same situation. We both are exhausted. I knew raising the kid under 5 would be a tough time. Im battling alot of demons and selfworth due to my childhood. I can be short tempered. Not listen to her and stubborn. She can be too messy, hardly ever cleans, self centered and abusive in her own way. Doesnt really show emotions towards me (alcoholic parents)

Last two years I have changed. Gone back to my original self. I have been working on my self. It shows. She is seemingly in love with me again (atleast what she says). We have an intimate relationship.

BUT. There is that feeling in the back of my mind growing. It feels like an act before she can monkey branch. I dont trust her anymore. She has given me no indications of cheating. We spend most of our time together. She opened pandoras box. She brought forth divorce question (and alot lf unsavry things about ”missing out”). I try to have a full Relationship with her. But in my mind im planing ahead. Rent or buy apartment? Which suitcase? How to break it to our kids?

I have been acting more paranoid. Asking her if she really loves me. Asking about cheating. I am loosing myself in this. Idk some weeks it feels perfect. Others I am down in the gutter again and rebuilding, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I want us to stay as a family. I want to be the best husband I can be. But I wont fight for nothing. She brought up divorce when I said i dont wanna spend our savings on a trip. Thats how little I mean to her.

I dont know if there isa question here…