I can’t see the light. My brain and heart are so broken

wulffboy89 · 2025-04-13T22:16:29+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm in the predivorce stage, where everything is just fuckin screaming and anger because I can't afford to leave... anyways, something that I've found helps is either golfing or doing 3d printing. I suffer from ptsd from the military as well, so the repetitive movements really give me something to focus on while allowing me to calm down. Golfing helps because it gets me out the house and in the sun so it helps me relax as well. Far as books are concerned, I don't have the mental capacity to read lol so I just focus on hobbies. Hope this helps and I'll be prying for you man.

regertsrus · 2025-04-13T21:28:37+00:00

I know this feeling exactly as you described. Trust me you will recover and regain access to kiddos. What you are feeling is very normal. Why dont you start by describing how it is that she blocked you from kids? This is not possible without restraining order unless they are infants. If your kids can talk and use a phone then there is nothing short of a restraining order that can block you.
Today start by realizing you will need to get your mind right and on stable footing. As soon as that happens, i promise that your opportunity is limitless.

Gattsama · 2025-04-13T20:43:56+00:00

"Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" by Margalis Fjelstad really helped me. Not directly about divorce, more.about the manipulation tactics and setting boundaries. On YouTube "Shrink4Men" focuses on men dealing with cluster B partners including divorce.

Whatever_Works32 · 2025-04-13T20:33:44+00:00

I have been there. Been 3 years since my wife left. Moved 1000 miles away. Has told me 5 times she is filing divorce papers and has not. That is very hard emotionally.

I experienced many nights of no sleep. Sobbing, laying on the floor, feeling directionless and trying to pretend everything was normal when I was in public and around others. All the while it felt like I was wearing a mask.

Music was a big trigger. Driving around and doing errands always brought back so many memories and an overwhelming sense of loss and hopelessness.

It will come in waves. Sometimes you are ok and then another one hits. Sometimes they hit hard. Cry man. Just cry. It's ok. This is a process, and there is no shortcut through it.

The waves will ease after a bit. You will regain a sense of balance and will be able to think more clearly. How long? I can't say. It is different for everyone. Some can apparently move forward within a few months. It took me 2 years to begin to feel ok alone while in a group of others. To begin to feel better being alone. To start to really objectively see some of her negative points. To realize, inside to really realize that I am not completely at fault. To begin to understand myself better and accept that there are reasons for some mistakes I made. And to finally start to love myself.

Some people will be a good source of support. Talk to them. It is cathartic. It will help you slowly heal. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. Being open will help you to accept who you are. You may lose some friends or family. Divorce hurts more than just the immediate family. However just be genuine. High quality people, the ones who really matter will gravitate towards you. The other people are of low quality, and you don't want them in your life in the long run anyways.

A book I read called how to fix a broken heart helped me. It talked about how the heart and mind deals with grief, death and divorce. Helped me understand the process. Helped me to understand that although some may initially be supportive they eventually get back to their own issues and lives. We are still grieving and get the idea that because they are no longer supporting us we should be done grieving too, and we start to feel guilty that we aren't moving past this. DO NOT rush your emotions. And don't be ashamed of feeling how you do. Men try to hide that and how they feel. I know I did. I had to break before I could see that it was ok to be vulnerable.

This will pass. But not quickly.

Do what you can to be a good and honorable person. Do things that you enjoy. That's hard at first, because you just want life to be how it used to be. It's not going to be. As you slowly heal and learn more about yourself you will find balance and discover little things that bring you happiness.

Do not focus on what is gone, focus on what you still do have. Little things maybe. Hot coffee, a bed to sleep in, people who love you and the like.

Walk, read and just sit and look at creation. Exercise and try to eat something healthy. It helps little by little.

Make a.list of things to accomplish. At the end of the day write down something good that happened that day. Even if it was just a really good meal or cup of coffee. Some like to do a little journaling.

When you can, try to help others. Even if it's a phone call or helping out someone in need. Talk to older ones. They are often lonely. It will help to distract you. But it also will begin to help you feel a sense of purpose and satisfaction. Don't spend hours on your phone to numb the pain. You will just feel more alone. Get outside. Think your thoughts, feel your feelings and breathe fresh air.

It's a bumpy road. Believe me I know. Breathe. Don't isolate.Youll want to, but that will make it worse. Take it as it comes. Sometimes day by day. Other times it's hour by hour.

A bit of a ramble but I hope it helps you feel less alone. You most definitely are not. You can do this.

Internet hug man.

CustardChemical8436 · 2025-04-13T20:19:32+00:00

I’m in the exact same place as you. It’s surprising how many people will be waiting for you to re-engage and reach out. You’ll be surprised at how many people have distanced themselves from you because of her. Small steps brother. I’m nearly 5 months deep and the difference in me is huge

BornBandicoot2515 · 2025-04-13T20:07:18+00:00

Therapy. I’m starting Monday.

I’m sorry you are in a bad place. Keep busy. Stay moving. Go for drives. Workout. Try to be social or build a network. Join divorce support groups. Literally anything to stay busy and force social interaction.

And listen, I’m in the shit too. I’m lonely sad and broken but u gotta work the process. We are here for you my man. You will get through this. We all will. Just takes time and distance.

ImportantRecipe3087 · 2025-04-13T20:04:46+00:00

Was where you are three years ago. It gets better eventually. Hang in there.

PurpleTypingOrators · 2025-04-13T19:49:29+00:00

Hello, get a good attorney and a good therapist.

Title	I can’t see the light. My brain and heart are so broken
Author	frankreddit5
Upvotes	12
Comments	40
Date	April 13, 2025 7:31 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jyfw98/i_cant_see_the_light_my_brain_and_heart_are_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-cant-see-the-light-my-brain-and-heart-are-so.1549474 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549474

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