Help fixing my broken marriage

Deliaallmylife · 2025-05-18T12:23:18+00:00

I'm curious what country/culture you are coming from? That can sometimes play a role in getting a actually helpful advice.

It sounds like there are real legitimate issues and it also sounds like you are unhappy because life didn't live up to your expectations. The first need to be tackled externally and the later internally.

And do you have the ability to leave and support yourself and two babies? That's an important piece of the "stay or go" question

Ok_Outside149 · 2025-05-18T09:29:31+00:00

not married but just general RPW wisdom

1) you must have liked your husband at one point. enough to date him for 2 years, and agree to being engaged and having a child with him. What were those reasons? Write a list. Remember those things every day

2) yeah your living circumstances sound very annoying but there’s some good things there. Sounds like your husband is very family orientated and loyal. That has his downsides (like every family member and his dog coming to live with you) but it’s also a great quality, I’m sure he is very dedicated to you

3) your husband likes eating dinner by 6/7. Focus on that. The other parts of homekeeping can wait, just get dinner on the table by that time. If it means the house is a mess or laundry is not done that’s ok, you’re prioritising what your husband wants. Balance the house needs (baby’s laundry and clean dishes I’d say) and your husbands wants. Everything else can be tackled at a different point

4) acknowledge your fuck ups. Missing the deadline that your husband actually reduced his pay for is a pretty big misstep, I think anybody would be fuming. Own the parts of the relationship you get wrong. It’s 50% your mess, 50% his mess. He’s dismissive, seems like you’re not very organised which as a sahm (?) is your job. How can you fix that? Do you need lists? Hired help? 1 day a week where you can just relax? Find out what it is that will make you perform better at your job and perform better

5) sounds like you’re in a cycle where he’s dismissive so you’re not motivated to be a good wife so he’s more dismissive and so on and so on. Someone has to break the cycle. We can only control our own actions. Do your very best to be a good wife (for your husband, aka focusing on his needs not just general advice) for the next 6 months/year and see where that gets you. If he changes, great. If he doesn’t, you know you tried your very best.

Obviously having a toddler and a newborn will be a very difficult period of your life. It sounds like you complain a lot (which is only natural, and your circumstances aren’t great with a not vocally supportive husband - I’m not attacking you here but just an observation), but your husband isn’t receptive to complaints. Have you tried “I need help” “I can’t do this without support” “ouch” instead of complaining?

CountTheBees · 2025-05-18T02:32:17+00:00

Info: What were the circumstances that led to the police being called?

Organic_Grape_3488 · 2025-05-18T01:20:51+00:00

My life is a hot mess, but Laura Doyles' book The Empowered Wife did wonders in my relationship when I was applying the principles. She has a podcast, too. There's also a subreddit called r/surrenderedwife

AutoModerator · 2025-05-18T00:25:16+00:00

Title: Help fixing my broken marriage

Author GlamAndGlitz

Full text: Hi, I’m 30F married to a 40M and we have a 1 year old with another baby due soon.

I hate being married and I don’t like my husband very much.

We were dating for about 2 years before we fell pregnant with our son and that pregnancy expedited getting engaged and married. After getting married, I left my parents house at around 7 months pregnant and moved in with my husband who was living in his childhood home with his brother and lodger. A couple of months in my husband’s cousin came from abroad to join us as a foreign student and the lodger began bringing girlfriends around. It was a disaster! I hated my time there and had several breakdowns. I was newly postpartum living with 4 men, a baby, random lodger gf dropping in, 1 full bathroom, 1 downstairs toilet. My husband was looking for a place for us to live and we have now moved into our new family home that is in a peaceful area, adapting to not being so central in the city but house is spacious and nice big garden. Whenever I tried to express my unhappiness in the first house I was very quickly dismissed by my husband by him saying he was working on getting us into the new house.

Now we’re here, his cousin has joined us and I must say he is helpful, polite etc. but I just can’t help but feel that my husband and I never got to establish ourselves as a married couple before baby came into mix and then before living with a whole bunch of people. Whenever we have arguments, which is pretty much all the time, we always have someone there to witness it. I hate that I’m living like this, I never expected marriage to be like this. I hate how dismissive my husband is and I really just do not like him at all.

I’m not motivated to be the best wife I can be. My husband likes to eat dinner by about 6 or 7pm but I just struggle with organisation and generally being tired from entertaining a toddler all day that dinner is served moreso around 8 to 9pm. There was a government funded childcare scheme that my husband had reduced his pay so that we could be entitled to the scheme but I failed to sign up on time before the deadline because I was consumed with misery at that first house and we ended up having a big blow up argument around that time anyway where I ended up calling the police and moving back to my parents house with my son for about 3 weeks before moving in with my husband and his cousin to this new house.

When we have arguments my husband always yells that we can just get a divorce and honestly I’m not opposed to it. I wouldn’t want to right now because I’d likely struggle with 2 young kids by myself but I dont really see myself living out the rest of my life with this man.

Can this be fixed or is this a lost cause?

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HalfwaydonewithEarth · 2025-05-18T04:20:04+00:00

100% can be fixed

You need to quit having an attitude that your personal comfort is supreme.

Make sweet love to him. Massage him. Have a charcuterie board waiting for him when he comes in.

Smile at him and tell him you are thankful to have the kids of such an awesome guy.

Wear makeup and a girly dress.

When he comes home come to the driveway be out there and open his door and just hold him.

Be his angel.

Title	Help fixing my broken marriage
Author	GlamAndGlitz
Upvotes	22
Comments	27
Date	May 18, 2025 12:25 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1kp7dyi/help_fixing_my_broken_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/help-fixing-my-broken-marriage.1552457 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552457

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