I have read a good comment on YouTube regarding the so called dating coaches. But one question though

TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK · 2025-07-11T17:58:52+00:00

are you looking for literal (spoken or written) feedback from people about whether or not you're good at social skills?

xvszero · 2025-07-11T19:04:52+00:00

You can get dating advice from people. Dr. Nerdlove is pretty good.

You can also ask me, I'll give advice.

But ultimately no one can tell you how to get a specific girl or anything like that because that's not how it works.

ThreeArmedYeti · 2025-07-11T19:54:22+00:00

There is a big difference between dating advices and full on dating courses. Seeing your question you probably want more than a few advices. You probably want someone to review your dates and point out the mistakes you made. But here's an advice: Dating depends on two and even if you fix your game based on your past dates, it's not coming with a guarantee. There is a high chance your next date won't like the person you are trying to show yourself as. There is no better way but to be analytical. Ask yourself after a failed date: what went wrong? Sometimes the reason is not you or something you should change.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-07-11T21:13:55+00:00

The whole "pickup" internet dating advice industry got over saturated by Mystery and Ross Jeffries, who were both a lame scam, and the whole industry got even more saturated with their copycats. In fact, if someone gave normal, functional advice on how to be an attractive man with a self fulfilling life and happiness, it would either be drowned out or constantly bashed by the rest of that industry.

The whole pickup advice industry got filled by scammers marketing a power fantasy, isolated from reality, to socially inexperienced guys. And yes, I said power fantasy, not sex fantasy. A lot of the marketing tends to emphasize a power fantasy. Some PUA coaches will try to get students to spend most of their time cockblocking other guys, and never getting women, then framing this as a win.

It is an industry where snake oil became the norm, and any actual practical product gets drowned out.

dankeykang4200 · 2025-07-13T04:56:00+00:00

You just gotta make the mistakes and try and learn from it. Note that getting rejected is not necessarily a mistake on your part. Bouncing back from rejection is one idea that PUAs have right. Most of the time when you get rejected it has less to do with you than it does where a girl is at mentally and emotionally when you approach. Social skills are like any other skill, the more time you spend using it the better you get at it. No books or advice can replace lived experience.

microcandella · 2025-07-12T08:24:49+00:00

I'm starting to see forms of this question of 'how do I find similar but not RP based advice/media' on here a lot, and that's a good thing!

I think a few things don't get mentioned enough though. RP is a set of PIPELINES to take advantage of you, your attention, and later your belief systems and values. But - They've been running the same games and more on you. And you've been wired to like it and seek more and accept information in that format. What they teach you is basically to dehumanize women and 'others' (competing men, anyone in the way of you, etc. ) and seek those who can be at that moment controlled and to keep control over them, which is basically abuse. It's what wife beaters do. It's what pimps do, cult leaders are really great at it. Finding those that could be persuaded and then keeping them under control and running them through the pipelines. GamerGate was a great example where Steve Bannon found out about the beginnings of it and said something like 'why aren't we controlling this whole thing?' and jumped in with his resources to pour gasoline on the situation and control the narratives. Same with incel scenes, etc.

The whole thing is a set of confidence scams.

The problem is, when you get OUT of that set of bubbles, and start looking for good advice, the people giving good advice don't sound anything like that (and if they do, they are probably running game on you!). People giving good advice are not giving you 3 steps that will 100% get you (women, weight loss, money, friends, whatever) None of them sound like a polished up informercial tailored just for your subgroup demographic. SO it's harder to FIND them. And it's harder to learn to listen for it because we've been taught to be comfortable taking in and accepting direction and essentially obeying their instructions, so it's harder for your brain to de-program and detect and take in the good advice and information. It's harder too because you feel you're in need of simply improving your interpersonal skills with women. And there should be great information out there about it (and there is).

In general for ex -rp's, I'd recommend starting with understanding that yes, most people play games, but it's not a good sign for a relationship. Most people have trust issues if there's games happening. Not a good way to start or continue a relationship.

Women are people. Human. They share waay more with you than they are different by far. They share many of the same attraction patterns you have. The same that make them not attracted to someone is probably similar to you and the men you know. So treat them as fellow people. They're 50+ % of the earth's humans. Go make some friends with them without even thinking about romance or some future together. It's the silliest social construct that many of us are in where women somehow must be a romantic thing. Ever see a universally attractive woman and be like-- 'nah she doesn't seem attractive to me'... they do that too. For example, for me if they look like any kardassian, it's a hard no for physical attraction. That doesn't mean I wouldn't / couldn't be great friends with them or that they have somehow lost the great mating lottery with me if they were interested.. just some humans are not attracted to some other humans for a whole slew of reasons. But having a lot of friends that are women will quickly teach you what they are interested in and not interested in. They are often trying to understand the same things. In general, be a person that you'd want to connect with while just being your authentic self. The golden rule is pretty good in applying here. Also, whatever the old rp and PUA scene is doing, do whatever is furthest away from that. call it out. Let the ladies in on the game and the manipulation like you would if someone was doing that to your little sister. Re-Humanize them.

lucimme · 2025-07-20T21:43:40+00:00

What if you took advice about what women want from actual women… why are you listening to dudes tell you what women want

OkWorldliness1323 · 2025-07-11T19:00:18+00:00

Yeah game is kinda BS. I think there are some things you should try and do. Like flirt if you can or tease but honestly thats hard to do on cold approach because you don't have much of a rapport. The thing is though when you get in your head trying to think of something to say or tease about you can easily lock up. I've done probably 1200ish approaches and I started to have the most success when I was just chill and was making an effort to get to know them. Personally I am direct in that I just walk up and say something along the lines of "Hey I thought you were attractive and just wanted to come say hi." From there you can ask them what they're up to or whatever. If you're direct and they're taken they will usually tell you. You say "No biggie" or something along those lines. If they want to keep talking you can or you just say "have a nice day" and leave. I've done this at grocery stores, coffee houses, farmers markets and the streets. At the end of the day stop listening to them and go and approach. Be polite regardless of what they do and just get used to being rejected. What the dating coaches don't really tell you is that it's a very low percentage game if you're going out and just approaching random women. It is what it is but I don't at all regret doing it myself. If there was one other thing always approach within their eyesight (like +/- 30 degrees of where they are looking) and be smiling. You don't want to approach from behind or any other angle that may catch them off guard. If you're good this is less of an issue but it's a good rule of thumb.

theasianplayboy · 2025-07-11T18:51:41+00:00

The problem is, there’s no barrier of entry, so the industry is flooded with scammers or unqualified people.

But there actually are legitimate dating coaches… You just have to look deeper: how long have they been around, what are their verifiable results, what are their credentials?

For example, I’m a 5’5, mid-looking Asian guy who used to weigh 201 lbs. I’ve since not only transformed my own life, but I’m also the only dating coach in the world who’s officiated a wedding between a client and the woman he met using what he was taught.

I’ve also been invited to speak at Harvard, Yale, Wharton, and had female reporters from NBC, ABC, Fox, BBC, and Nightline follow me during live bootcamps to verify my methods.

So yeah, there’s a lot of crap out there, but there are also legit coaches with proven records. You just have to filter for real-world results that have been vouched for by legitimate 3rd parties, not just slick marketing.

Fun-Grocery-3643 · 2025-07-11T21:48:36+00:00

Hey brother, the answer to this question is a bit complex and nuanced.

I have been a relationship mentor/coach for 18 years for men, women, and couples, and waaaay back around 25 years ago I stumbled into friendships with most of the famous dating coaches who began the entire PUA movement. At the time I was writing in Hollywood, and had produced a reality show, and after "The Game" came out, my production company spent a year or two trying to produce a reality show about the PUAs.

I spent a lot of time with them and because of what I do, I know many of their successors.

OF COURSE their marketing is BS, because it's marketing. Of course they frequently get rejected.

And that said, their ability to approach and keep the interest of an attractive woman at a competitive venue is striking and very much out of the norm. They collect phone numbers and kisses in a way that I certainly envied at the time.

And it is my strong belief after observing this for decades now that most of this exceptional success is simply because of practice, not techniques and tactics. Imagine someone who skis 5 days/season relative to someone who skis 100 days/season and has been for years.

And all of that said, again having known these men over years of their lives now, they do NOT have more or better relationships. Some of them do rack up many one night stands, but again, the numerical difference in how many approaches they do as this is literally their profession, is not something the average guy is going to match. But in terms of actual girlfriends, I saw these men getting ghosted and broken hearted over and over again because their emotional maturity was low, their initial inclinations predatory, and high quality women just don't stick around for that. Naturally there are women whose low self esteem (usually from childhood trauma) makes them easy victims for pimps and any other man who agrees that they ought to be treated badly, but this is a sad codependency and I don't think it resembles what you want from life.

Full Disclosure, I do teach dating skills as part of my business, and men who have followed my advice have had a lot of good results leading to loving and fulfilling relationships, and the TL:DR, as you probably already know, is to do the self work to become confident enough, self-trusting enough, and self aware enough to actually just be yourself. This is hard to do, it takes work and courage and more than a few insights about your defensive personas and beliefs.

Naturally you will get more attention if you are extremely handsome or very wealthy. But many of those men have no idea what to do with that attention (trust me, I have just described hundreds of my clients).

The vast majority of the most sought after women would trade nearly anything for a man who is passionate about his own life, has outgrown posturing, believes himself worthy/good enough whether she approves of him or not (is not trying to figure out what she wants so he can change himself to suit her needs), and is emotionally open to both being known and to authentically trying to know her.

"Just be yourself," sounds trite, but in fact it is an extraordinarily complex call to action, courage, and depth that may take years of practice to fully grasp.

Title	I have read a good comment on YouTube regarding the so called dating coaches. But one question though
Author	AGuyWithoutAName_
Upvotes	8
Comments	18
Date	July 11, 2025 5:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1lxdju4/i_have_read_a_good_comment_on_youtube_regarding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-have-read-a-good-comment-on-youtube-regarding.1556895 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556895

Comments