Im on the fence about what to do and am looking for some opinions from hopefully other men who have seen or been thru a similar situation.

20+ yr marraige with 2 young kids. I want a divorce and plan to move out of the marital home. She has a history of being volatile and vindictive in the past. When i indicated in the past about moving out she says that I can be accused of abandonment if i move out without a signed separation agreement in place between us. By claiming "abandonment" she could get 100% custody.

I've spoken to two different lawyers this week who each gave conflicting advice. The first one says if there is a chance to separate amicably and agree on the specifics of finances and parenting plan, then I should at least try rather than drain the bank accounts with a drawn out contested divorce process. He recommended I go to her and put my cards on the table about my intentions and ask if we can come to an agreement on separation. Best case scenario we file jointly and agree on all aspects.

The second lawyer I spoke to basically said the opposite. She has a history of reacting unpredictably and making threats to call the cops, etc. in the past when she gets extremely angry. If I give her the opportunity, she could make false claims of domestic violence against me, try to get me arrested, take $ out of our bank accounts, etc. He suggested that i dont even give her the opportunity to retaliate by moving out quickly and quietly as I can and then try to have a conversation about coming to an agreement on the specifics of separating. He doesn't think a claim of abandonment would stick if Im staying close by, continuing financial support, and still attempting to spend time with my kids.

A little background: There have been two incidents in the past year of her attempting to trap me in a room and refusing to leave or let me leave. The most recent time I pushed past her to get out after asking her to leave twice, and she immediately claimed I assaulted her and she threatened to call the cops on me, and called a domestic violence hotline claiming I pushed her and violently assaulted her. My fear is that if I continue living in the same house there will definitely be another incident and this time I really could end up in jail despite what did or did not occur because situations of DV they tend to believe the woman over the man when there is no real evidence.

TLDR: Should I try to amicably work out a separation agreement with her prior to moving out and risk retaliation? Of should I just move out without her knowing ahead of time and try to work out the divorce after?

Any stories of similar situations would be most appreciated also.