Can’t get hookups but can’t get a girlfriend despite trying.

SituationOk6836 · 2025-07-26T22:55:49+00:00

Desperation is a bad companion...

Rhino3750ss · 2025-07-26T23:15:09+00:00

It's because you are trying.

Everything in life you want to improve requires you put forth maximum effort...however...connecting with women is the lone exception, the female gender is the only thing in this world that does not operate according to logic. You want to remove effort and be social simultaneously. Just keep talking to random people (including attractive women) casually until it becomes your default state so you don't have to exert effort at all.

Glacier_Sama · 2025-07-27T00:19:58+00:00

Girlfriend is the easiest thing to get next to marriage.

All u have to do is be chill, bang the girl alot and not gaf.

She will be trying to tie you down in short order.

burncushlikewood · 2025-07-26T23:01:15+00:00

This is gonna get taken down, too broad too general. I've been there, it takes time to develop skills with women but you need to be positive, trust it's hard out there for everyone especially men, it's hard for women too, maybe get out and be social you're so young, make friends and do well in school and your career instead of just focusing on sex, if you do well in other aspects of life women will want to be apart of your life

ImpossibleWaiting · 2025-07-26T23:30:39+00:00

If you're needy for a girlfriend, you will find an abusive girlfriend. Bad strategy. What you want to do is lead an amazing life and keep doing what you're doing. One of these hookups is bound to become your girlfriend. But pick and choose carefully. Test her before committing to a ltr.

Sulla314 · 2025-07-26T23:39:31+00:00

Honestly guy, it’s a solid strategy to focus on your career in your 20s, and have women be the afterthought. It makes things easier in the long run.

Traditional_Guava639 · 2025-07-27T00:18:42+00:00

Yea its a tough middle ground to be at. I have a hard time getting fwb with women I'm attracted to or enjoy spending time with. It seems that certain men (maybe more desirable men) have an all or nothing issues. Meaning women see them as someone that want to date and build something with or nothing at all. Almost all my hook ups and fwb catch feelings pretty quick and end things. Funny thing is that I want to date and start a family but none of the I really want are up for it

tiodosmil · 2025-07-27T02:04:36+00:00

Try not trying lol. Go places by yourself with no intention of trying to smash/ cuff a chick. Live in the moment & be genuinely curious about what’s going on around you. A single woman will peep this & approach you!

tonyferguson2021 · 2025-07-27T19:33:10+00:00

So maybe the women who are more open to casual hook ups are often the ones who have some insecurities about starting a Relationship (capital R)

When a connection begins with sex, perhaps often times this becomes the basis for that connection, whereas slower more traditional ‘dating’ (which I can’t stand) might build more of a foundation for something meaningful.

Like bonding with someone over a shared experience initially which isn’t a sexual one perhaps.

And examine yourself and your patterns, cos there’s always a reason why things are happening the way they are and that reason is usually ourselves and our behaviours or the energy we’re putting out into the world

meehowski · 2025-07-26T22:56:38+00:00

Women can smell desperation. Take a break, have fun and maybe something will land on your lap.

BIGxBOSSxx1 · 2025-07-26T22:57:02+00:00

Bro you’re 26. Stop being desperate first of all. Just be yourself and worry about you and someone will come along. You’re not gonna find anybody if you force it.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-07-26T23:14:38+00:00

The more you make woman feel like you want a relationship, the less likely you are to get one, specially if it feels like it's your idea and that you want it way more than any girl you hookup with. Women don't respond well to guys who seem desperate to get into a relationship. It's a bad sign that a man wants a girlfriend in general, let alone before a certain deadline.

Why do you want a girlfriend? If you want a girlfriend to fill a void, to not be alone, to feel good about yourself, that's not a legitimate valid reason to want a girlfriend. A relationship is something that you want only if a particular girl matches your standards, not something you go out there begging to get. It's not even something that women give to you, it's something that you give to women only if a particular woman is worthy and has earned it, because men are the gatekeepers of relationships, not women.

It's you who is giving something vlauable, your commitment, your safety, yoru resources, your protection, your time, your attention, your stability,... You are the value. Women are only the gatekeepers of sex, but men are the gatekeepers of relationships. This is why women often complain that while it's easy to get sex, it's much harder for them to get a guy they fucked with to commit.

Your only job should be to hookup with girls without expectations, without trying to make things serious, without trying to make things look like you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Women you have sex with get turned off as soon as you start behaving in a way that communicates commitments, rules, expectations, responsobilities, promises, social contracts,...

The relationship has to be the woman's idea, it has to be her pursuit, your only pursuit should be sex without labels and expectations. Anything more than that, anything that feels to easy for women to get, reverses the polarity and makes woman pull away.

ProofDazzling9234 · 2025-07-27T00:09:35+00:00

What did you learn about yourself in therapy? Could it be that you are dysfunctionally drawn to women who aren't able to commit?

Title	Can’t get hookups but can’t get a girlfriend despite trying.
Author	IslandMan01
Upvotes	1
Comments	35
Date	July 26, 2025 10:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ma6r05/cant_get_hookups_but_cant_get_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cant-get-hookups-but-cant-get-a-girlfriend-despite.1558178 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558178

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