Anyone Done Collaborative Divorce?

BornBandicoot2515 · 2025-10-10T21:34:53+00:00

Did something similar. Effectively used a divorce consultant who is like a mediator. Wasn’t terrible but probably wouldn’t do it again. Mostly bc we started off on “friendly” terms but it didn’t end that way. So probably would have been in a better spot letting the lawyers go at it (I gave up too much trying to be “collaborative”). Only real benefit was that it did speed up the process.

Schmetts · 2025-10-10T20:13:56+00:00

I did it and it was fine- very quick and smooth, actually. I'm even getting a bunch of my retainer back. My STBXW and I get along OK and don't have a ton of assets outside of the house, though.

I think I left a bit of money on the table, but she probably thinks the same, which is generally the sign of successful negotiations.

BathAutomatic6972 · 2025-10-10T17:48:41+00:00

It would have been great, but our collaborative marriage failed so I didn't have high hopes for our collaborative divorce.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-10-10T16:42:27+00:00

There's no reason for a collaborative divorce whatsoever. It's a scam and limits your tools of negotiation otherwise available in court, including expediting setting the case for a final hearing in order to force the other party to end the case one way or another.

Finding "collaborate" attorneys is however very helpful, meaning attorneys who know how to keep emotions in check, expectations tempered, and are committed to resolving the case as quickly as possible so you can get on with your life.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-10-10T16:21:13+00:00

I did it, but I also had a prenup as a back up.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-10-10T16:07:43+00:00

I did collaborative divorce and wouldn’t do it again. It dragged it out longer and made it more expensive than just doing a single day of mediation to get to the same place.

detmus · 2025-10-10T14:12:28+00:00

I like is as a concept and a legal option. I initially angled for this with my soon to be ex, but it quickly became clear that her capacity to be reasonable doesn't exist. We could have been done and over for $500 if I would have been willing to allow myself to be steamrolled on her timeline. Instead, I've had to lawyer up and push the entire process through with resistance at every step.

ABBucsfan · 2025-10-10T05:00:22+00:00

Yeah we originally started that route. Became obvious with the lump sum she just wanted to lean on who she figured would give in the fastest and try to wrap it up. Was so lopsided I consulted lawyers who told me how wrong she was and canned her. I still did mediation but that was an actual lawyer plus out own representation. Apparently it's fairly rare to go to court in Canada and it was during COVID so discouraging it and booking a year out. I saw the application that you had to tick a box saying you tried mediation and other methods first. I did ask a few times and was told even if we did apply it would only be for one item for each process assigned. Not all inclusive. Also for adjusting custody it would be small adjustments each time (which unfortunately was also the case in mediation). With my ex being bpd I wish we had just tried to push court early. Probably was needed in my case but COVID i guess. My lawyer said she'd never dealt with anyone like her (she's in her 50s) and asked where I got the patience from

_Zergologist · 2025-10-10T02:10:58+00:00

Currently working through a collaborative divorce so to speak.

I don’t want this. But she feels it’s the only way she can work on her own issues and get through the issues she’s let fester. Because I love her so deeply, I’m complying with everything as long as it’s reasonable.

No mediators. Just us and the court.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2025-10-10T01:58:05+00:00

No because it was bullshit like you feel is how I felt. She asked and asked me a lot and I looked and kept saying no.

Maybe this works for some people. Maybe mostly women. Idk. But it’s lazy divorce industry bullshit.

I wrote our own thing and painfully worked it out over time with her. Arguing and changing and rewriting. You gonna argue over the same shit regardless!

Light $5k on fire for some cunts who give no shits about my life or her life for that matter? No thanks.

Title	Anyone Done Collaborative Divorce?
Author	WhydIJoinRedditAgain
Upvotes	1
Comments	17
Date	October 10, 2025 1:11 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1o2ngn1/anyone_done_collaborative_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-done-collaborative-divorce.1563782 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563782

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