Fair or foul to ask all interaction to go through lawyers

softinvest · 2025-11-03T18:04:01+00:00

Put it thru the court system. There are apps that will record all communication. Use ChatGPT to give emotionless responses.

IrresponsibleInsect · 2025-10-31T00:27:03+00:00

That sounds extremely expensive.
Can you just do email and choose what you will and won't respond to? Set up a filter to dump her crap in a folder you only check when you feel like it.
Use AI to take the emotion out of your responses and prompt it "rewrite this like an attorney wrote it, in first person, and don't reference the attorney", and then say literally anything you want. I've said some pretty rotten, pissed off stuff to it, and it comes out smooth and polished on the other side.

Kingoftreno · 2025-10-30T23:02:28+00:00

My ex's lawyer (not the ex) got a harassment restraining order that required all correspondence to go through the court system.

They then chose to routinely call police and try to have me arrested for filing all correspondence through the court system.

Eventually they got a prosecutor corrupt enough to support their claim and I was arrested for filing documents in my own divorce as a pro-se litigant, not for contempt of court or anything like that for allegedly violating the attorneys harassment restraining order that clearly says that court filings are exempt from the harassment restraining order.

The judge in the divorce, rightly, disqualified that attorney from any further involvement in the proceeding after that stunt. The attorney my ex chose to hire as a replacement is that attorney's law partner... who not only appealed the disqualification of their law partner they demanded the judge be removed for "prejudice" after two and a half years... and then argue that that hearing that I refused to communicate with them outside of the court system and that I was doing so solely to drive up the costs of their client.

I don't know what kind of collective delusion they are all in....

These idiots tried to have me held in contempt for talking about how to fix a snowboard on Reddit! They argued that if I had time to post on social media then I had time to repair the home and get it ready for sale, despite there being no provision in any order that said I had to make any repairs or fix a single thing...

When the judge pointed out that wasn't contempt, they got mad at the judge and demanded I be put in jail!

Meanwhile I had a rock solid counterclaim for contempt and dropped it in order to just settle and be done... the ex later argued to the very same judge that they were forced to accept settlement by that judge... the options were settle the case or go to jail for contempt but it's the judges fault that they made a decision with their attorney right there giving them advice...

I had to get a restraining order against them for physically and electronically stalking me which they of course appealed to the court of appeals after they lost the contested hearing... they simply will not stop ever I am certain I will be dead before all this is resolved

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-10-30T14:51:42+00:00

One email will run you $90-100 so remember that. And that is just YOUR email to your lawyer. They email the other lawyer ($100), who emails your wife, who emails back, and then your lawyer reads it ($100) and then emails you back ($100).

So one thing could be $350-400.

My suggestion is move to a parenting app (my family wizard) which has features to remove emotion from replies AND keeps it all on record.

No matter what you do DO NOT address/reply to anything considered emotional. JUST BUSINESS.

TheSmartLawGroup · 2025-10-30T14:35:14+00:00

Fair, not foul.

If you are still in the middle of your case, you are absolutely right - stop the communication with her because she has a serious lack of self-awareness, and she will spin this against you at some point in the future. Communicate through your attorney for the simple reason that you cannot trust her. Everything needs to documented so that there is no misunderstanding about what was or was not said, or when it was said. Yes, this is going to cost more, but boundaries need to be set and do not be afraid to set them. (Yes, I am an attorney, but I cannot begin to tell you how many times clients wait until something is a bigger mess that takes even more time and money to unravel.)

If there are communications regarding the children, all communications can be through one of the several apps that will document everything, including dates, times, when the message was read, etc. There is no doctoring of those messages. That can occur even while a case is going on to avoid issues... and lawyers. Those messages can be a great piece of evidence in court.

Once the case is over, hopefully the appropriate boundaries are in your final order and you can focus on your life and your kids.

Factastical · 2025-10-30T11:37:11+00:00

You don't have to coparent with a liar. Nobody can force you. They will assign a court app. They will "impose it". I had the same thing with a liar. Countless false police and countless false orders. All proven lies and all withdrawn by her. She got in ALOT of trouble but never a slap on the wrist. While we still message like once a month it's just business. At one point the lawyers and judges clerk chastised me for not co parenting. She did also. I replied simply with "find me a manual how to co parent with a pathological liar". She hated that too and filed harassment violations. In the end I got my way. I don't co parent. We rarely talk like I wanted but my kids are in their tweens and teens so there is no need for us to talk much. Be careful not to get sucked into the courts impositions. They will stop imposing if you stand your ground. If the kids are too little to convince that that agents of the court are bad for their health then find a way to limit these strangers access. This was crucial for me to have my kids realize that they are shot callers. The courts didn't like that either when it became apparent that my kids were in control of decisions related to parenting time (who gets how much). They don't like losing power which is why they have these silly mandates like "don't talk about court" or "adults make decisions". At a certain age that is exactly what you need to do. Is make sure your kids are in control of that aspect and know that guilt trips are manipulative. The mom will guilt them for even being impartial

Big-Victory-3948 · 2025-10-30T11:31:27+00:00

That's an expensive way of doing it. Use an app like talking parents or Family wizard.

Mangrove43 · 2025-10-30T10:27:52+00:00

If she can't play nice, do it. I had a similar situation of false allegations. Tell her she can ask a judge anytime she wants something

RedRibbon3KS · 2025-10-30T04:31:38+00:00

I had to go through the lawyers for awhile and it was very expensive. My ex accused me of abusing her and the kids. Child protective services came twice and found nothing. One of the social workers saw what was happening and probably disclosed things she shouldn't have but it was clear what my ex was doing. Then, like yours, my ex would text stuff like what is the contact information for the exterminator. What is the contact info for her optometrist. I was baffled like you. What in the world is happening? Pissed me off to no end.

Then she would pull stunts like taking the kids across the country and I would not find out until they were there for a couple of days. This was against our separation agreement. Then she would make the kids call me and ask why am I against them having fun. My ex is a piece of work. There is a special place in hell for my ex and yours for putting the kids in between like pawns

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2025-10-30T03:32:55+00:00

All's fair in love and war.

I haven't really had the chance to put it in to practice but that's basically the approach I've chosen. She fucking dragged me, and there's nothing I have left to say to her l, if she feels like she needs to say something to me, she can pay her lawyers hourly. Fuck her, fuck Family Wizard, and fuck the family courts.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-10-30T03:11:58+00:00

Expensive but effective - go back to direct communications when/if it’s convenient for you.

Title	Fair or foul to ask all interaction to go through lawyers
Author	Funny_Object_5538
Upvotes	25
Comments	20
Date	October 30, 2025 3:06 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ojovnc/fair_or_foul_to_ask_all_interaction_to_go_through/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/fair-or-foul-to-ask-all-interaction-to-go-through.1565320 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565320

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