Should I give up dating? (27F)

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-10-30T13:28:41+00:00

Are you okay with spending your life alone? If not, then take a break and get back at it when you're feeling better about the whole thing. Everyone faces rejection. Don't take it so personally. Not every guy will ask about your number. At 27, most probably won't. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take some time off from dating to do the things you enjoy and gain some confidence. Then get back out there. Few women meet their husbands without effort.

sine120 · 2025-10-30T15:50:09+00:00

My thing is, how many men on this planet will care about my count or should I just give up dating now?

Rule 9 here. It can be forgiven, but it will rule out a lot of the men you would desire. I get that you weren't the party girl/ "I can do what I want" feminist type, but attaining a high count due to insecurity will still trigger a lot of guys to wonder what happens the next time you're feeling insecure. Your best bet is to construct a narrative showing that you're not the type of person who would be in that space again, and to bring things to the table that will make the guy you want forget about/ not care about the men in your past.

Others have said to take some time to get where you want to be mentally. I'm probably close to the type of guy you'd be looking for. Assuming I were single, given the chance to date you, and found you attractive, from your post I would find "I tried to quit so many times" to be a tremendous red flag. Stable men do not want a woman who doesn't have agency over her actions. You make it sound like there was another force acting upon you causing you to have casual sex with many men, but the men you date will not forgive that mindset. They will assume you are like them and took the actions of your own accord, because that is what they're looking for in the women they date. Stable men will be looking for accountability, intentionality and agency. A woman without agency is a liability, not marriage material.

Were I in your shoes, I would work to demonstrate agency in the coming years and show you have control over your actions, and perform the types of actions that would make you a safe partner.

TheFeminineFrame · 2025-10-30T10:16:23+00:00

No, you should not just give up. Some men will care but lots and lots won’t.

Have you resolved the mental health issues that led you to rack up your body count? If not then that is the place to start.

You are not a hopeless case so please do not lose hope. I have an article that goes into much further detail on how you can find love with a high body count.

Dionne005 · 2025-10-31T02:15:33+00:00

Seems like you should work on yourself spiritually and stop making your body count about how men value you. Instead look at how you value yourself and go about life and that.

fastfishyfood · 2025-10-30T06:16:33+00:00

It sounds like you’re burnt out. Allow yourself time to rest and reset and figure out your own priorities. No one needs to know your body count, except you. You’re only 27 years-old. You have your whole life ahead of you - don’t give up the goal on finding love, partnership and marriage (if that’s what you want). But like anything in life, you’re also allowed a season to pause, rest and hibernate for awhile. But the Spring always comes again, and you’re allowed to renew and rebuild yourself, in whatever way you choose.

Noressa · 2025-10-30T15:18:44+00:00

When you are burnt out you should stop looking. You have neither the energy to present to a partner, nor a grounded desire to look beyond desperation.

I say this as someone with a much higher body count that many people would say is remotely acceptable! Most men won't ask for an exact number, most men will also not ask for details. There is a lot of fear that they won't be good enough to compare to others, but generally speaking building them up works much better than comparing them. Comparisons are almost universally a bad idea anyway.

When you are feeling better, focus on you and what you want, how you want to be present, and the person you want to be in a relationship. That is what matters and that is what will make you a compelling partner! And if you put that energy out and find after a few months you're not getting anywhere again? Take another break. Bring yourself to the point where you want to be a partner again, and try again. I met my husband this way. He'd been dating on and off, he was burnt out from dating but had contacted me before he'd stopped looking again. I reached out while he was in that phase and he basically went "Why the heck not". We've been together 15 years now. Resets are important as long as you're bringing yourself back up once you recognize you're no longer acting like person you would want to be as a partner!

zaririi · 2025-11-03T22:27:04+00:00

28F here with a count of 20+. I too have had mental health problems (depression, anxiety, panic disorder, psychosis, addiction). I am dating at the moment and also wonder if I'm going to end up alone. I have resolved myself to the idea of being content if I don't end up getting married. A lot of it is down to my own choices but the culture we are in doesn't help. Reckon I've got a few more years before giving up completely. I also am not sure I want children as I want to prioritise my career.

Some-Air9775 · 2025-11-04T08:42:13+00:00

Idk what caused you to get hung up on body count. Your body count doesn’t matter. If you carry around these insecurities it’s only going to be a mental block. If a man asked your body count he’s not your guy. In my 32 years of life I’ve never had a man ask me that lol.

AutoModerator · 2025-10-30T05:57:47+00:00

Title: Should I give up dating? (27F)

Author Waxflower8

Full text: For starters, since teen-hood I never felt desirable and didn’t get male attention till my 20’s. I wasn’t over weight or had poor behavior or hygiene so not sure why. I seem to be pretty attractive according to men even though I see myself as very average looking. Idk it’s all confusing to me but hey I’ll accept that I’m attractive to them.

Due to that, it’s completely impacted how much value I saw in myself on the dating market.

I didn’t step into the dating pool till 24 and since then it’s just been a mess with just being rejected. Along that I was getting so many mixes messages regarding casual sex especially from men and to cope with my personal conflicts and desire for touch and intimacy, I started hooking up and went up to 16 as my count. I don’t use my poor mental health as an excuse, I’m just clarifying that I didn’t have that type of feminist “I can do whatever I want”, wild and free mindset when approaching casual sex, I was not mentally well and not my best self. I tried to quit so many times.

I feel like now the type of men I’d prefer to date won’t want me because of that. Men do still find me sweet, feminine and innocent at heart (not joking and I’m not faking) but I think my body count will be the biggest turn off.

My thing is, how many men on this planet will care about my count or should I just give up dating now?

The type of men I seem to prefer are smart, stable, independent minded, have a good work ethic and very masculine. I know that’s a very vague description but I kinda find it a tad rare? And that’s the best way I can describe my type but these types of men seem to lean more towards being traditional and I fear like stated before, I won’t be able to completely fit that ideal woman besides my personality.

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colany93_2 · 2025-10-30T19:47:59+00:00

Most of the men you’ve described are going to rule you out. Your age doesn’t help either. That said, it’s not universal. Some men, especially if they’re less successful or more alternative, will give you a chance.

I’m the type of guy you’re interested in. For me to take you seriously, I’d need strong evidence you had changed sufficiently and were committed to putting one guy first, permanently. I’d expect an extra level of service and attentiveness to demonstrate that.

No-Surprise-95 · 2025-10-30T19:48:44+00:00

Most of the men you’ve described are going to rule you out. Your age doesn’t help either. That said, it’s not universal. Some men, especially if they’re less successful or more alternative, will give you a chance.

I’m the type of guy you’re interested in. For me to take you seriously, I’d need strong evidence you had changed sufficiently and were committed to putting one guy first, permanently. I’d expect an extra level of service and attentiveness to demonstrate that.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2025-10-30T22:44:04+00:00

Do you think traditional men are more concerned with the woman being sexually attracted to him than having aligned goals and values?

Numerous_Working_853 · 2025-10-30T20:13:35+00:00

Not necessary to find a man attractive to date. Like he shouldn't be repulsive, but don't expect butterflies, like you generally get with the charming guys out there. Compatibility and attraction are mutually exclusive things. Find a guy who will take care of you, will respect you, is curious enough about you, involved in your life and is fairly independent and responsible. Love will develop gradually. And the past is past. Why bring it up in conversations? If you are 100% sure you won't repeat the hookup phase then don't mention it. Traditional men won't accept 17 body count. Any man would feel insecure. Do you want a relationship or want to be 100% honest? Even men withhold so much information. Just bring up the topic of hookups etc, see his reaction to it and then decide if you want to divulge the information. On the other hand if you know that your partner has a similar body count then you may decide what to do. Men will always feel insecure about a female having a body count greater than theirs. It's biology.

Title	Should I give up dating? (27F)
Author	Waxflower8
Upvotes	5
Comments	81
Date	October 30, 2025 5:57 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ojrwx3/should_i_give_up_dating_27f/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-i-give-up-dating-27f.1565334 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565334

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