Who followed the top comment advice and waited a year? How’s that go?

keencone · 2025-11-14T07:04:35+00:00

That’s a really good question to ask! As stated by previous comments, it is completely different for everyone.

I took that ‘wait’ advice very seriously as a concept, but I was going completely nuts and had to get out there.
So I did! And frankly, I don’t know if I would’ve ever truly been able to get a more accurate assessment of where I was at without doing the damn thing.
As a result, I’m very happily unattached. (Results may vary, see store for details) 😜

BeginningProgress551 · 2025-11-12T14:46:44+00:00

A counterpoint to waiting, my ex and I were struggling hard for years before she walked out. During that time I did a lot of soul searching for what I needed to do to become a better spouse and what I preferred from my partner (expecting it would work out with her) but when she walked out, I was left heartbroken but also with a good idea of what I really wanted in a partner.

When reconciliation was never accepted after many, many embarrassing attempts on my part, and after I had exhausted every avenue of "winning" my wife back (side note don't do this, you can't make someone love you) and the divorce was filled, I was able to make a dating profile listing exactly what I was looking for and what I could provide. And it worked almost immediately as I met someone that I was extremely compatible with.

We are now a few months into dating and it is going really well. I don't know if she will be the one or not or course yet, but for me I was able to take the work I had done in my old marriage and use it in my next relationship.

defnotjaywtf · 2025-11-12T00:12:38+00:00

There’s a difference between waiting a year to seek a relationship, and when you’re ready to casually see women for a friends with benefits situation, if you’re transparent. I was planning on waiting 6 MO’s for FWB, but I live in a major city and there’s a lot of girls looking for same thing, so it made it easy for me to ease back in with no pressure, just having fun again, which to me is very important as I’m a social person.

I will say, gotta be careful to not catch feelings. I did good until ~month 5 when I FWB with benefits I started seeing caught fire; and we couldn’t get enough of each other. I’m now 6 MO’s since separation and We’re taking it very slow, and say we’re “dating” but not boyfriend/girlfiend. Essentially just labeling it that so we both aren’t also fooling around with other people.

Like others said, you’ll just know when you’re ready. I thought i was months away and one day just woke up feeling different. Like I emotionally detached from my ex, and my body told me I was ready before my mind did 🤷‍♂️

darealyst · 2025-11-11T22:18:16+00:00

My year + of growth lead to me realizing that I am not a relationship person at this point in my life. I have 2 young kids and i have them 50% of the time. All i really want at this time is a woman that will keep me company, keep me motivated and keep my balls empty. What she does when I'm not with her is not my concern. I've found that and it is working for me and I think also for her.

Gattsama · 2025-11-11T21:39:21+00:00

A year is an arbitrary number. The real question is have you taken the time for self-growth, healing, exploration, setting new boundaries, and figuring out why you chose this person to be with in the first place that you're now divorcing, and how to avoid doing something similar again .

It's very rare that everything in the field marriage was 100% the other person's fault. As a general rule of thumb, 50% of the problems go into the next relationship( ie you).

Taking the time necessary to sort yourself out is an excellent idea before you get into a new relationship. Otherwise a lot of guys, most of them still with a husband mindset, simply replace one failed relationship with a new partner who's trying to step in and fill the role of that relationship. Tension builds, things tend to repeat themselves, and it usually doesn't work out. Hence the term rebound relationship .

In my case, the biggest questions for me were: why did I choose this person, why did I choose to stay so long, what internally about me do I need to change, what boundaries I need to have in order to avoid doing this again, and what do I really want out of my relationships?

All of that takes some time to sort out. And it's exceedingly difficult to sort out during the actual divorce. And then once the divorce is finalized, you need some time just to de-stress and figure out what the next phase of your life is going to be.

Some people can do that in one day, some people need a month, some people need a year, some people might need 5 years. It's going to vary based off who you are. The main point is don't rush it .

It's always a little concerning when people are so interested in getting involved in another relationship after their primary relationship is in the process of failing, and that failure hasn't even been finalized yet.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-11-11T20:25:02+00:00

I waited for 2 years. Waiting was an excellent choice for me otherwise I would have been the same person just with a different partner. Instead I got to grow and change for those 2 years and reflect on what went wrong in the relationship. I'm a way better man, father and partner now.

I'll be proposing to my gf next year. Life is better than ever. I didn't want the divorce but it was a blessing.

NoSleevesInSeattle · 2025-11-11T18:43:36+00:00

My divorce took 3.5 years to finalize after separation. It was a long drawn out process.

I started dating about 3 months after being separated. In hindsight, I was a train wreck and should have waited. Hurt people I shouldn’t have, and got hurt too.

metzgie1 · 2025-11-11T18:38:19+00:00

You honestly aren’t going to know what issues you are going to have until you start to get some good distance. If you don’t want to bring any of your shit into the next relationship, time and probably therapy are the two best things you can give to your future self and any possible relationship.

koskesh122 · 2025-11-11T17:26:07+00:00

I waited. It went good because I closed a lot of the issues post divorce and was able to focus on myself and heal.

Title	Who followed the top comment advice and waited a year? How’s that go?
Author	One_Hot_Doggy
Upvotes	11
Comments	11
Date	November 11, 2025 5:22 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oufg1w/who_followed_the_top_comment_advice_and_waited_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/who-followed-the-top-comment-advice-and-waited-a.1566289 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566289

Comments