Ex going out first time

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-03-06T14:33:33+00:00

Focus on your life and use this time as a catalyst for self transformation. Reflecting on how your actions have contributed to your divorce and then taking responsibility to address them will set you up for a better future relationship. If you’re able to set goals for how you want to be as a man and then develop and stick to a plan to become that best version of yourself you’re going to become successful. You will be too busy trying to improve yourself to worry about anything that distracts from your goals

Best of luck.

Worldly_Diver9265 · 2026-03-05T23:55:08+00:00

Listen to me!

The pain only begins to subdide when realize in your mind that its over. She is not yours anymore, and probably never was. It takes 6 -12 months to get past this. You are on your way when you truly accept it. Woman get over it fast, cause they usually have checked out long before and they have a hundred guys after them right away. Their regrets may or may not come later, believe me. In the long run, men can fair better. It is very hard to find a good man. You're problem, you dont know your worth. Your healing begins in your mind. It is time to re invent yourself. Be your own best friend. Pamper yourself. Join a gym, transform. Learn to love being alone and do things by yourself, museums, sporting events, restaurants, walks, pubs, etc.... whatever you love to do. SPOIL YOURSELF....great tickets, great cuts of beef, trips, whatever floats your boat. DO IT! Doing things by yourself builds and shows confidence. Confidence is unbelievably attractive, but it must be genuine. Trust me. Re-invent yourself, be who YOU want to be. The love of your life is out there waiting to meet you. That can't, and won't happen, until you have fully healed. The longer you take to heal, the longer you will keep the true love of your life waiting. Please, please, please, believe me, your story will have a happy ending! Drop me a line when it does! I love saying I told you so!!!!

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-03-05T21:46:06+00:00

The rumination in those first few weeks before I confirmed the cheating was the absolute worst. And it’s even harder for you because the kids are involved. Podcasts my man. Your thoughts are going to keep trying to eat you alive and ruminating is unstoppable. But having some chatter to occupy a little space in your head provides a slight bit of relief at a time where every bit matters.

The first month was torture. By the end of Month three I was fairly level. Not great, but ok.

Smart-Incident3403 · 2026-03-05T21:30:04+00:00

It’s a devastating feeling. It’s hard not to think about. At first I kept looking for clues if she was going out and how “far” she was going. It was probably the worst thing I could do. So I just started just assuming she was having sex. If she wasn’t, she would eventually. It’s unavoidable really. I figured the quicker I came to terms with it the sooner I would get over it.

Honestly the hardest part for me was waking up too early in the AM and ruminating and wondering if some dude had slept over while I had the kids. My therapist gave me the advice to not just lay in bed thinking about it and trying to go back to sleep. I’ll now get out of bed and either read, or do pushups then take my morning shower.

You need to train your brain not to think about her. When I catch myself thinking these thoughts I say to myself “It’s none of my business” a few times then try to distract myself with something else. Look up CBT methods to stop ruminating if you have the same problem.

And it sounds shallow and cliche, but sleeping with another girl helped me to stop thinking about her so much. I stopped comparing and wondering how she could be so much further along than i was.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-03-05T20:28:42+00:00

Yeah that feeling is brutal mate. It's just something you have to go through, the dark night of the soul.

Nothing you can do to avoid it, upside is once you make it thru everything else in life becomes super easy by comparison (except maybe heavy legs day at the gym lol).

After you make it to the other side you become strong as fuck and life is on easy mode, embrace the suck.

Environmental_Tax_89 · 2026-03-05T13:51:59+00:00

Don’t drink the pain away like I did. My ex started going out and didn’t try and hide it. I would drink myself to sleep multiple days during the week. Borderline alcoholic.

What helped me was understanding that she has the liberty to do what she wants. Understanding that’s the she wasn’t that into me like I thought. Understanding that this is the new reality. Journaling my inner thoughts and feelings. Talking to my therapist and friends helped. Started developing a routine with me and my son.

psychcaptain · 2026-03-05T11:34:15+00:00

Remember, those kids are yours and that is winning in every way that counts.

But, yeah, this sucks. You will have to deal with the feelings and emotions, but remember that what she is doing is more of a reflection of who she is now, not who you are, or what the marriage used to mean.

She isn't the person you married.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-05T05:09:41+00:00

What is in your control is your mindset and things you can do for yourself and the kids.
What will benefit you now greatly is to work on acceptance and letting go and being the best father.
I know it is hard to see at this moment but consider it a chapter of your life that is closing and the next one starting.
Learn and reflect what your part was and sit with the grief. Don't run away from it.
It is going to hurt like hell but it will make you stronger in ways that you can't ever imagine.

SaaSWriters · 2026-03-05T04:29:21+00:00

Build up your sense of self-worth so that you don’t worry about what she does.

And learn how to attract women so that you understand that you are better off without her.

You do that and you’ll wish you got divorced way sooner.

TomTomReyRey · 2026-03-05T03:41:05+00:00

I’m in the same boat. My wife ended up cheating on me, then chose to divorce me, so that sucked. Now that I moved out I know she has so much alone time. Either meeting up with guys or snapchatting and getting off with them. It destroys me. Sadly everything is more and more cliche. Yes you’ll feel better in time. People say stop caring and she’s not yours anymore and just move on. If only it were that simple. I’m sure you would love to not care and love to move on. Fact of the matter is, that’s not how it works. Sit with your emotions, get jealous, cry, be pissed off. You will constantly think of another man laying with your wife. I don’t say that to piss you off. I simply mean that I understand what you’re going through.

As far as the kids, do you think your kids will accept him so easily? Do you think he will accept your kids so fast? I understand being upset about the wife part, but the kids? I’m proud that you’re thinking about them first, but I don’t see that happening so fast. If there ever is a time when your kids and a man are that close, it’ll be long from now and hopefully IF that situation occurs, you will be healed enough to be okay.

I know it’s not easy man. I’m a little more ahead of you in the healing process, not much, but a little. Here’s more cliche, you’re going to be alright.

Stay with God. I know at times it’s a struggle, but he will give you the strength. He knows what you need and when you need it. Pray, pray, pray. God Bless You man

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-03-05T03:04:25+00:00

I am so nervous about my soon-to-be-ex dating after what happen in the Fall of last year.

UrAristotle · 2026-03-05T01:32:12+00:00

Stop caring now. Immediately. Not your monkeys, not your circus.

The sooner you start gray rocking this sort of thing, the sooner you'll get to the new you.

fruittidemare · 2026-03-05T01:19:25+00:00

My brother in divorce and newly single dad, none of that matters anymore, it’s out of your control. Doesn’t mean it can’t hurt your feelings but don’t even worry about it. Let yourself relax a little , be a good dad. Your relationship with your children matters more than anything else you’ll ever do. You got this

Title	Ex going out first time
Author	Visible-Ad-4362
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	March 5, 2026 1:15 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rl3s5s/ex_going_out_first_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-going-out-first-time.1574734 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574734

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