The kids

Hopeful_Divorce · 2026-03-16T17:35:01+00:00

You haven't destroyed your kids'childhood. It's hard having these conversations, it takes a while for children to get their brains around the new life they have. It takes multiple conversations over time for them to grasp it.

Imagine if your child was upset about a different change in their life. Let's say your family had moved to a new city for a better job and school district. Your child would probably tell you multiple times that they miss their friends and they don't like the new teacher and wishes you had not moved. You wouldn't beat yourself up thinking you had destroyed their childhood. You would know you made a change that was best for your children, better school and better life but the child just can't see that right now. It's the same with divorce. It is not good for children to grow up with miserable parents who are staying together for the kids. Getting divorced did not ruin them.

You are a good dad. You have not screwed up your kids by getting divorced.

BatGuano52 · 2026-03-16T17:21:30+00:00

If you act like you have destroyed your kids childhood, then that's exactly what you'll do.

The alternative: you have been given the opportunity to demonstrate to your kids that you can get stuck in a shit situation that you didn't create, get yourself through it, and pick yourself up and live a good life on the other side.

Reassure your kids that you will always be there for them as your father, that you're not going anywhere.

They see mom leaving you and then wonder if you and mom could end up leaving them just as easily.

You have to reassure them and demonstrate to them that it doesn't work that way, and that regardless of what their mom does, you will always be there for them.

And, I don't know how long you've been separated from your ex, but I'm coming up on two years and my 11 year old son still wonders why we can't all be together again.

So, they don't stop asking.

Wishing you the best brother.

warwww · 2026-03-16T09:53:45+00:00

Insane to me that kids often pay for the failures of there parents in this regard.

I guess the human ego will always win.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-16T09:06:15+00:00

Maybe tell him that both of you still love him very much and that its not his fault that mommy and daddy does not love each other the way mommy and daddies should love each other.
And that you are there for him if he wants to talk about it any time night or day or if he has any questions.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-03-16T02:37:49+00:00

Have you talked to your 8yo about it yet? Explain it to your kid in age appropriate language. My kids were 7 and 11 when I divorced. Here's what I said to them (I wrote this out ahead of time):

== SEPARATION TALK WITH KIDS ==

Mommy and Daddy are having trouble getting along. For now, we're going to stay in separate rooms. This is a grown-up problem that only adults can figure out.

You and your brother haven't done anything wrong. This has nothing to do you with you. Mommy and I still love and want to take care of you even if things seem different for a while.

== DIVORCE TALK WITH KIDS ==

We will still be a family, but not all families live together. We loved each other very much in the beginning and wanted to make our family always be together. But we were wrong. We’ve made some mistakes and haven’t treated each other the right way. We’re going to live in different houses. And we think we’ll be better parents because then you won’t have to hear us arguing with each other.

You didn't cause the divorce. There is nothing to you can do to make it better. Parents don't fall out of love with their kids, like they can with a spouse. Your dad will always be your dad. Your mom will always be your mom. There is nothing you can do to make me stop being your dad, or to make your mom stop being your mom. We will love you forever and always. We just won't be doing it in the same house. Though we'll be living apart, we’ll still take care of you together.

Title	The kids
Author	Chris_Chilled
Upvotes	17
Comments	10
Date	March 16, 2026 2:18 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rux6c6/the_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-kids.1575613 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575613

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