How do you defend against false claims?

No_Pace2396 · 2024-05-23T12:55:09+00:00

Silver bullet divorce. The kids are just tools to hurt you. Also, look up a paper by Amy Baker, beyond the higher road, about combating parental alienation. You have to be careful, because the court will never see what she’s doing as harmful or sufficient proof, but it doesn’t go both ways.

Psydequest · 2024-05-23T02:37:24+00:00

Get a parenting app for communication. It saves all messages which can be printed or downloaded or sent without editing. This way you have proof of everything said by both parties. Be honest but you don't have to tell her why. "Did not bathe kids, determined they did not need it." "I cannot speak to what the kids say, they could be coached or have ideas put into their heads by the questions or the questioning itself but I will answer any appropriate questions you may have for me" "During my time it is my responsibility to care for the children and I will make the determination for what they need and when as a responsible parent but that is my time and I do not need to report to you on every act or decision I make as their caregiver. I will answer your questions within reason as I do not wish to be argumentative or difficult and I am empathetic to your concerns however I have a right to be their sole caregiver during their time here, as you do when they are with you. I would ask that you please respect that as I do."

I would also document every time they come to you with a scrape or cut or bruise. You don't need to show it or talk about it but keep it in case you are confronted with the same you can show "Look, these are children who hurt themselves and receive minor bumps and scrapes regularly. The same thing happens whether in her care or mine and none of this establishes a pattern of abuse or neglect."

And from someone who's ex wife is an attorney I helped build her business and she was fond of telling clients "Imagine every text blown up on a whiteboard in court, make it clear, be polite, be considerate and it can never be used as ammunition against you because it would only make you look good if they tried."

For instance (And this only needs to be said ONCE, then you can reference it if she persists)

Her; "The kids have dirt under their nails and their hair is clearly unwashed, did you not bathe them yesterday?"

You: "Hello name, I did not bathe them yesterday, no. We spent a long time having a wonderful day together at the park and by the time we returned home decided to make a special dinner where everyone got to be involved in the preparation. I made sure they washed up well, face and hands, but made the determination that a bath at that time would keep them up beyond bed time. I feel I must remind you that as you are responsible for the kids when they are home with you I am responsible for determining the needs of our kids when they are here with me. While I appreciate your concern and I understand your desire for answers I think it is important to recognize that if we are to effectively co-parent, for the sake of the children and putting our personal conflict aside, we must at least accept that the health, happiness and welfare of our children is something neither of us take lightly. As I respect your determinations and decisions during their time with you I would respectfully request the same. It does them no good to be thrust into the middle of constant conflict after they've been asked to endure so much as it is. My desire is to support one another as parents and focus on protecting our children from seeing us as different sides by presenting a unified front, at the very least while in front of them. If you have questions and concerns I am absolutely willing to hear them and answer if appropriate but please keep that between us. However difficult this may be for all of us our children deserve to be the priority. I respect you as their mother and will do everything I can to help and address your concerns as long as it does not interfere with my ability to effectively parent as a father. I would greatly appreciate the same from you."

You've basically shut her down and can simply refer back to further questions with "I spoke about this at length, please consider what I said and respectfully refrain from questioning me and imposing on my parental responsibility as their father." If she tries to use this against you any court can see you were polite, accommodating, reasonable, respectful, empathetic but also assertive and firm in your request to be allowed to parent as you see fit. She either can't use it or she does and your lawyer uses it as a win for you and makes her look petty and unconcerned with the effect on your children. It would backfire completely.

But really, imagine every single text blown up and read aloud in court. Say what you would want to have read aloud to a judge, not what you want to say to your ex-wife. lol.

dadplup · 2024-05-22T17:55:15+00:00

I went thru something similar with my nexw.

Different circumstances, but I was able to see what her end result was, she was trying to build a case against me, but her case building was based on other people's advise, people that only knew her side of the story, her friends and family.

I hired was lawyer and got advise from the police on how to protect myself, and I was told to: 1 document every interaction I had with her, every text, voice mail, email letter etc, save them and make sure it has a time stamp. 2 never meet her in private, always with witnesses and in places with cameras, a public place. And record the meeting 3 was told to start recording every time I ran in to her in public even if it's for 5 seconds, as someone who is not above making false claims against you, she could claim you're harassing her of even hit her. 4 do not involve the kids that goes without saying 5 try not to interact with her unless it's thru a lawyer

Bottom line? She's trying to provoke you in to doing something stupid, to react so that she can make you be the bad guy and her the victim, and it's all a trap, the first step to successfully avoid s trap is to know where the trap is.

Good luck to you be careful

Simple-Captain3421 · 2024-05-22T11:56:13+00:00

First thing first, you have to keep your calm in this situation. It is quite likely that you STBXW will raise these allegations during custody discussions. It is also possible that the mother is recording her conversations with the children.

It is advisable to deal with the situation and any return communication via your solicitor. If you do not have one, then you need to set aside emotions and act rationally. Texts are a really bad form of communication in such situations so when you receive the barrage of texts, don't react. Reply to her via email after 6-7 hours or the next day, and attach all her texts for documentation purposes. All texts should show date and time of receipt when taking screenshots. Of course, respond immediately if there is anything to do with an emergency situation.

When responding to the texts (via email), imagine that you are responding to the court and not your wife. Or any other third party. This will remove the emotions from your response. Given that custody has not been decided, it is important that you respond to the allegations. Refute all claims (if they are indeed incorrect) and politely explain your point of view. For example, child A did have the shower today morning or that no custody discussions have happened. Also state you understand the importance of such things and that you would never indulge in unnecessary discussions with children.

On the other hand, if you did something, for example, the kids did not take a bath, explain why. For example, we went out quite early this morning and skipped bath/shower.

When the allegations repeat, you don't need to go into details again. Just state that you do not agree with the complaints.

It is essentially a 'he said-she said'' situation. Courts hate this, and when they cannot decide which part is guilty, they usually side with the parent with whom they think the children would be safe. Hence it is paramount that you have your point of view documented which the courts will be able to see. Your responses need to reflect 2 key points (and not the rubbish that your STBXW is throwing at you):

That you are able to meet the children's day to day needs (bathing, taking to school, homework, food, clothing, sleep, playing etc.).
That the children's emotional and physical wellbeing is not compromised when they spend time with you.

Once custody is agreed, then you just grey rock.

NewDay0110 · 2024-05-22T05:05:30+00:00

Record everything. Keep a record of every single text message. Only using the OFW app for communication will help you. Carry a tape recorder or better yet a small camera for in person interactions. Use security cameras like the Blink around your house. Do not take phone calls you cannot record.

FUMoney · 2024-05-22T03:55:12+00:00

Our Family Wizard communications application. ALL communication goes through the app, period. Everything recorded, viewable by a reviewing court/judge/magistrate. Never, ever, EVER communicate outside the application. No phone. No text messages. No emails. EVERYTHING through the recorded app, as if you were undergoing a court-ordered audit with mandatory paper trails.
GoPro Hero 12 Black, extra microSD cards, multiple charging cords in your house/car/work, and a shirt/chest mount. Record everything. You = akin to a public servant required to operate a bodycam with every interaction. Do it. Do it now.

ForgottenSon2 · 2024-05-22T02:45:02+00:00

I would combat the injuries as “you noticed they were injured and you didn’t take the child to urgent care, seems like you were very neglectful.” My ex wife interrogates my young ones too and she was willing to take that into to court. Even the judge knew it was a waste of time.

warwww · 2024-05-22T01:40:56+00:00

The human I was in with, as I found out would even put our kids on scales before they’d come over the spend time with me. She’d weigh them before they arrived and after they left. She submitted this to the court as “evidence” that I was starving our kids. Our daughter weighed 31.3lbs in one photo and 31.0 lbs in the other photo, according to her I was starving them.

When I saw those photos, I cried as a man. That hurt me like no other. Why would you treat your kids that way.

warwww · 2024-05-22T01:34:30+00:00

First you start by staying as far away as possible from this person. If you FEEL she’d stoop so low as to accuse you of harming your own flesh and blood you must realize she is gone, depraved - proximity will be your biggest vector from her.

A trail of video evidence is what helped me when the false allegations card was played. I saw it from a mile away, although I will say, I was unprepared how easily the courts ate it up at the onset. That was truly disappointing to me.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-05-22T00:53:36+00:00

Look, you are at the least going to have to get evidence by having your mother, father, or other person take photos with the date and Time on them. You have to do what you can and don't let anyone know you have them in case you need them. As you, STBEXW will try anything to get full custody, then she can get more money from you, so never trust her till everything is finalised. You can never trust anyone regarding this type of thing, as she will try and hurt you. You can't trust anyone on her side. They may not do anything, but never trust any actions from her side, just so you're safe from persecution

warwww · 2024-05-22T00:49:48+00:00

I don’t respond to the nonsense anymore. If I feel it’s being said to be used against me to strip custody away from me. I send an email to myself with what I would have said to her. That way I have an archive if I were to end up in court again for the 14th time (literally).

Jojothereader · 2024-05-22T00:31:10+00:00

I have been at it for 6 years it has not gotten better. Last year I decided im just not going to care as much. Hired a shitty attorney that doesn’t cost as much and started to enjoy some hobbies again.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2024-05-22T00:22:01+00:00

Body Camera and grey rock comes to mind.

Title	How do you defend against false claims?
Author	Chris_Chilled
Upvotes	9
Comments	25
Date	May 21, 2024 11:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cxmgo2/how_do_you_defend_against_false_claims/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-defend-against-false-claims.1519156 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519156

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