Actually Being Protected vs "Gentleman Behaviors" aka False Protection

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-09-06T15:18:23+00:00

A low-value man is one who thinks women's needs and concerns are ridiculous because he doesn't have those same needs and concerns as a man. He refuses to listen, he refuses to learn. He will mock you and leave you exposed to violence and sexual assault. He will lead you into situations that are fine for him but very risky for you. He will bring you around sketchy people. They are also the sort of men who think that rape is just a little bit of sex.

Verysoftbun · 2020-09-06T18:57:52+00:00

I dated someone who used to carry my things for me, even tiny take out boxes, held my door open, stood when I entered a room, ECT. But he made fun of me and basically told me I was crazy when I told him about an experience I had being online and in person stalked by a hacker. He knew none of the details but still felt confident enough to tell me I was wrong.

RabidWench · 2020-09-06T19:45:42+00:00

This ties into courtship as an act, as opposed to a deeply ingrained attitude of caring.

Your HVM examples are men who care about you as a person, about your wellbeing and your continued safety. Those small gestures are simply an extension of their love for you. They pick up on your discomfort because they know you, they cared enough to pay attention to your body language, and you matter.

LVM don't understand the difference because to them you are not a person they care about, but a goal to be attained, and a short term goal at that. It never occurs to them that you might actually have feelings, because goalposts aren't people.

coyavenue · 2020-09-06T19:31:13+00:00

So true, a lack of concern and reaction to situations in which a woman would feel uncomfortable tells a whole lot about his character. On my first “date” with LVM, he suggested we meet for drinks. After we had one drink, I paid for my own (it was $7 lol ⁉️ so much for first impressions), we walked into the shop next door. I purchased what I needed, and since he worked there he went into the back to use the bathroom. I didn’t want to stand around and awkwardly wait so I decided to hangout outside. There was a drunk and violent homeless man by the shop and he literally tried to square up. I ran back inside, and the woman working asked “is he bothering you?” ...obviously I looked panicked, and tbh I was. This LVM barely acknowledged what had happened, didn’t ask if I was ok, and lowkey it appeared as though he had a smirk on his punch-able face. When I finally went home I was so unimpressed but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Well.. what a waste of two months that was. Turns out he was moving out of the country and seeing other people whilst purposely hiding these details, until I finally asked 7 weeks in! What a joke, never again!!!! First red flag and I’m out these days. Every single time I’ve had a gut feeling about a dude it has never been wrong.

Good looks and charm means nothing ladies

AbundantOverflow · 2020-09-06T19:54:14+00:00

Yep. This is why I say we can’t rationalize bad behavior away just because he displays some redeeming qualities. I have dated some men who seemed good on paper, came from great 2 parent homes, and were gentlemanly in opening doors, paying, etc. But in many cases, they were immature, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and/or misogynistic.

And people will gaslight the hell out of you pointing out these “gentlemanly” traits while you’re seeing the bigger picture that includes the red flags or the lack of attention to detail.

Gotta trust yourself and move on.

Representingly · 2020-09-06T19:26:03+00:00

After my car was stolen, I used to react scared when I saw a car similar to mine being drove off from the same parking lot or same direction where I parked my car.

This guy knew my car had being stolen recently and in our first date, I saw a car similar to mine and was scared. And he laughed at me. He taught it was funny.

On the other hand, he did all "gentleman behaviors" expected from him. He paid for our dinner, was on time, etc. Blah. Blah.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-09-06T19:27:39+00:00

Exactly, if he opens the car doors and drives recklessly, yup and yup

Title	Actually Being Protected vs "Gentleman Behaviors" aka False Protection
Author	fresh_grass_
Upvotes	114
Comments	20
Date	September 6, 2020 2:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/inn9om/actually_being_protected_vs_gentleman_behaviors/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/actually-being-protected-vs-gentleman-behaviors.173728 https://theredarchive.com/post/173728

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