Is it OK to tell my girlfriend I feel depressed?

balalasaurus · 2016-06-01T19:05:02+00:00

Don't tell your girlfriend. Do tell your dog.

TheRedStoic · 2016-06-01T20:39:18+00:00

Write a journal.

Rant on trp.

See a (male) psych

Talk to a lifelong friend.

Talk to your father figure.

Talk to a pet.

Do not tell the creature that depends on your stability that you can't handle something. Ever.

Redredditer4 · 2016-06-01T18:15:07+00:00

Your job in a LTR is to be her rock. Do rocks moan about being depressed?

quicklogaccount · 2016-06-01T19:02:43+00:00

Are women simply there to be enjoyed for the phsyical aspects they present?

Nope, they were supposed to share their energy, support you on your decisions and validate you on the often delicate issues regarding sexuality.
They have been encouraged to check out of those roles though.

Asking your partner for emotional support is the same as actively exchanging attraction for comfort. She'll love it, but attraction will lower. When attraction is too low, besides the dead bedroom, you get:
- A bitchy / whimsy partner (she demands you to fulfill her but there's no attraction, so she wants you to perform a miracle);
- She develops a sense of high entitlement to EVERYTHING;
- Shitty behavior. Usually women see lack of attraction as a problem on you and lack of comfort as a problem on them.

Besides that there's usually little predisposition for women to actually OFFER the support, but I guess that strongly varies between women.

All in all it's usually an AWFUL idea, but if you're getting annoyed by how horny she is all the time and all the sex you need to put out for her, you can probably make things better by asking her for emotional support.

RedBigMan · 2016-06-01T20:37:28+00:00

Tell your bro, not your ho.

HS-Thompson · 2016-06-01T19:28:42+00:00

Nope.

Understanding the truth of how the world actually works sucks sometimes doesn't it?

Darkredsubmarine · 2016-06-01T19:39:51+00:00

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thawayred · 2016-06-01T19:20:00+00:00

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Whisper · 2016-06-01T20:25:51+00:00

No.

Borsao66 · 2016-06-01T20:00:24+00:00

Yeah when the RE market went to crap in 2007 and by 2009/10 it was horrible, I confided my depression in my ex and you could have set a clock to the vagi-dri° activation and subsequent divorce.

Don't.

2016-06-01T19:40:38+00:00

From personal experience, let her know, but then do all the work/counseling/medication on your own. She isn't there to be your emotional/mental punching bag or sponge. I lost a 7 year relationship, because I thought my now ex-wife would understand what I was growing through and be eager to help. Maybe your girlfriend is a bit kinder, but mine mocked me, called me names, activley tried to stop me going to therapy or counseling.

You can confide in your woman, but she isn't going to solve anything for you. Do not cry in her presence, but tell her about what you are doing to make things better.

fnordsnord · 2016-06-01T22:11:57+00:00

Lemme translate: "Is it OK to tell the one person in the world who looks to me to be a tower of strength, decisiveness, and wisdom that I've got a huge, gaping weakness?"

If you want to cry on her shoulder, you're headed for the friendzone.

TRParents · 2016-06-01T18:17:40+00:00

-The-Pussy-Whisperer · 2016-06-01T18:51:21+00:00

Please do. Don't forget to post the field report on how she soon found a better rock to cling to.

I.E.- your own personal shit is none of her business and will only reduce your SMV in her eyes.

2016-06-01T18:39:19+00:00

I wouldn't do it. Confide in your closest guy friends. She's not your friend, she's your woman.

Venenarium · 2016-06-01T18:54:39+00:00

No.

Find somebody else to talk to. Your friends, your parents, a professional...

lanky32 · 2016-06-01T23:30:59+00:00

No. Never. She will dump you ass. And then you will get even more depressed.

DubbleFUPAwitCheez · 2016-06-02T00:01:06+00:00

One thing I've noticed is women DO NOT want to listen to your problems. They DO want to help you deal with them. For example, if you're in a shitty situation and you tell her about your plan to get out of it, she will love to be a part of your plan.

2016-06-01T20:38:30+00:00

You don't open up even to your mother. Shut up and keep it to yourself.

GC0W30 · 2016-06-02T01:01:48+00:00

These people I reveal weakness to:

medical professionals
therapist
mom
brothers
close male friends

Others only observe my weakness when I cannot physically hide it... a cast on my arm, a limp from an injury, etc.

If you must cry outside of a funeral, do it away from her. Go for a ride, tell her you're going to the gym or store, whatever... pull over or into a parking lot, weep like a bitch. Wash your face before you go home.

GreenPiller · 2016-06-02T01:36:21+00:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Luckyluke23 · 2016-06-02T03:08:15+00:00

so you are going to give your gf another reason for her hamster to kick into overdrive and rationalize to cheat and branch swing on you.

wunderwaxel · 2016-06-02T08:22:19+00:00

Worked for me. I am diagnosed with depression and I talk about it. If you need to tell her why not? I don't see a problem as long as you aren't bitching about it. Make sure that you are fighting it. Yes it is a fucking weakness but who cares? Show her that you can solve your problems alone like a man. Depression can be a serious illness, i feel with you.

throwitdownman · 2016-06-02T12:42:47+00:00

I agree about not telling her- it leads to a branch swing.

Although my question would be: what good is a LTR? Isn't it supposed to be an individual's closest life companion?

My response is an analogy- you are the center, closest to you is your family and LTR, and slightly further are friends. It is a nexus of connections, each one replaceable and nothing should be in the center next to you, it is a space that can't be shared.

Unsure if this is the RP perspective..

TRP117 · 2016-06-02T14:14:21+00:00

I wouldn't. Friend, best friend, mother, role model, even a female friend. I have one for this very purpose. Might be beta of me, but she's basically a prude that is my emotional tampon. She has no hot friends, and I don't give her any identifying information about my plates.

aksjdfnakjsnd · 2016-06-01T18:46:17+00:00

if you feel an urge, then do it. BUT it is ESSENTIAL to communicate that you neither need her help nor drowning in apathy. you must communicate: as a man i take charge of myself and i already made plans how to overcome my stakes. the message must be: see, i have problems and i am honest about it. but don't you worry, i will handle them cause my core is unbreakable, i will never resignate- i am walking thorugh life like a bulldozer.

TwoManyToos · 2016-06-01T18:17:38+00:00

You really can confide in her. It's your job to uplift her, and be there for yourself. Maybe you can meditate on your own fears about telling her and find the right words to say. She won't get pushed away from you if you show more of yourself to her. At least that's imho

Title	Is it OK to tell my girlfriend I feel depressed?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	31
Comments	64
Date	June 1, 2016 6:13 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4m2neb/is_it_ok_to_tell_my_girlfriend_i_feel_depressed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-it-ok-to-tell-my-girlfriend-i-feel-depressed.185418 https://theredarchive.com/post/185418

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