I posted a couple months ago about overhearing my wife trashing me to my own mother. I want to update you guys on my life gains. You have made such a positive impact that I want to share my story.

This is what I have done.

I have read:

  • Gorilla Mindset
  • NMMNG
  • WISNIFG
  • Book of Pook
  • The Rational Male
  • MMSL
  • SGM
  • Conversation Tactics 1
  • The Way of the Superior Male
  • The Mindful Attraction Plan
  • Bang
  • Models

 

Reading:

  • The Natural (70%)
  • 48 Laws of Power (40%)
  • Conversation Tactics 2 (40%)
  • The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves (20%)

 

On Deck:

  • Day Bang
  • Art of Seduction
  • Conversation Tactics 3

 

Style gains:

 I upgraded my wardrobe. Much needed because I have been lifting for a couple of years and none of my clothes fit anymore. Pants were huge, shirts were ragged. I didn't own any button downs that fit. I wore the same old shoes every day. I studied up on men's fashion through some advice on this board and bought nice new pants, shirts, briefs, shoes and socks. Spent about $1k on this and still have more to go.

 

Gain gains:

 As for lifting, I have been doing The Body Transformation Blueprint which I really like. I continue to upgrade my home gym as needed. Squat Rack is next on the list. I'm getting bigger and I can see it/feel it. This has been a long journey I started two years ago as a total novice who would have been completely lost in a gym. I started with Body Beast and did that religiously. It isn't the best program in my opinion but for a beginner I think it's fantastic. It gave me the confidence I needed to move forward.

 

Professional gains:

 I started taking more initiative at work. I am traveling more now. I used to avoid it but November will be the third month in a row I go to Europe for work. I am volunteering for projects and people are coming to me for advice. I am seeing a huge shift in the way people look at me at work now that they feel I am committed. Might have something to do with my newfound confidence as well.

 

Social gains:

 I started talking to strangers, holding my head up, walking with confidence and allowing myself to be vulnerable (Models/The Natural). For example, I'm being more open with friends and colleagues about my personal life. I have always been very closed off/don't let people in.

 

I started flirting with women. Still a work in progress. I proactively avoided this my whole life. Reading all of these books I realized there is no shame or guilt in being honest about your sexuality. I am seeing major changes in my interactions with women. Catching a lot of them checking me out. I'm trying to get used to not looking away! Trying to figure out what my reaction will be and what feels natural to me (The Natural, pointing at them or doing a peak-a-boo etc.).

 

A girl at work said the girls in customer service want to know how I got my abs and that I was hot. Okay, I don't ever walk around without a shirt on... She's a 2 but who cares, there are some hot women in CS - it's progress! When I was in Europe I practiced approaching, not too aggressively though. More as Mr. Sociable (The Natural) when walking around town or entering a new bar. Got rejected a bit but had a couple girls going crazy for me.

 

One HB 7.5 was asking me to sit next to her, grabbing my hair and other major flirting. I am confident I could have ONS'd her but I am getting plenty of sex from my wife and I am not interested in something on the side at this time. I'm still learning and growing and want to wait until I become the man I want to be and see how it plays out with the wife. I'll admit it took some major self control not to escalate. It was still a lot of fun to flirt and feel sexual. And you know what? I got her number. I have never asked a girl for her number.

 

Another girl asked me to join her and her friend to play a game. Another started kissing my neck and grabbing my beard. A gay guy asked me if I own a microbrewery in the states because I have that kind of attitude. Haha. One night I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk and a drunk guy offered me some of his pizza. I obliged and was BS'ing with him while a group of girls in a bar were watching me, laughing and waving me to come in and drink with them. It was 2AM and I was sober and just trying to get some fresh air so I laughed, smiled and waved and went on my way.

 

Athol Kay made me realize that I can't change my personality and I don't need to make an excuse for it. I will rub some people the wrong way but if I don't show my true personality I also won't meet people who I like. The Natural, Models and Bang made me realize that some girls will think I am creepy (an old fear of mine) and that's okay, it's natures way of filtering out people you wouldn't have clicked with anyway.

 

What else?

 

Hobby gains:

 I started playing music with friends again. I go record songs with my buddy and was just asked to play in a show for a friend's band.

 

Assertion gains:

 I stopped asking permission, I simply inform of my plans.

 

My 2.5 year old has been coming into our room in the middle of the night and sleeping in our bed. This week I set up a gate and we have been training him to sleep through the night in his own bed. Last night was very successful. No crying, no resistance at bed time. If he woke up, he would come to the gate and say, "Mom and Dad I need your help" as I instructed him to do.

 

I have been planning our weekends (going out on the boat, going for hikes/picnics, making homemade pizzas). Whatever I feel like doing, I make it a family event.

 

I planned a vacation to Vegas with my wife, something we never would have done. I learned and taught her how to play black jack and we gambled and had a great time drinking free drinks and held our own at the table. We went kayaking on the Colorado River, it was great. Also happened to be her 30th birthday so we went to a couple raunchy Vegas shows.

 

Finance/responsibility gains:

 I took to heart Athol Kay's Red, Yellow, Green theory. I am identifying these things in my life and making plans to improve. For example, I just paid off all my credit card debt (~$10k) and one of my cars. Then I put new brakes and rotors on it (learned a new skill), changed the oil, cabin and air filters, rear door openers and have spark plugs on the way. I did all of this silently without seeking my wife's approval. This weekend we are organizing and pricing items for a yard sale I will host.

 

Shit/comfort test gains:

 My wife has thrown some major shit tests at me. The first couple of times, I was drunk and fell into her frame. I have been improving greatly in this. Yesterday was another. I told her I was going bowling with some colleagues (we had a guy in from the UK). She got really upset and I was able to practice a lot of the skills I learned in WISNIFG.

 

Without giving the whole convo: She feels left out like I am making decisions without her. She said she knows I am in charge and is not challenging that but she feels like she's not part of the team, that paying off debt is exciting and she wants to be a part of that (she's a SAHM). I said I thought she was cute when she was upset and there are decisions I will make that I would make regardless of her opinion and will not seek her approval for, although I can understand that she would want to know.

 

As you can see, I am still learning the balance. I'm STFU'ing possibly too much on some things.

 

She pressed more about how I don't talk enough about what I do at work and how my day was etc. and how it's part of our life. I said I do not see my work as part of our life, that it could all go away tomorrow and it's unimportant to our relationship. I am where I am and when I'm home I don't want to relive work. She comfort tested me with, "then what is important?!"

 

I said, "you". Then I Way of the Superior Male'd it, picked her up, twirled her around, danced with her, MMSL 10 second kissed her, made out with her, looked to our bedroom and Bang/The Natural said, "let's go somewhere more comfortable."

 

She resisted, "I'm on my period."

 

I persisted. "Do you think I care?" I brought her to bed and fucked her. Anal. When we woke up this morning we fucked again.

 

Speaking of that, sex has been pretty much whenever I want it. One day we had sex 4 times. And she does whatever I want and enjoys it. Getting into a little bondage/kinky sex too. I can wake her up in the middle of the night and bang, I'm getting blowjobs by the coffee maker while the kids watch TV in the morning (they are 2.5 and 1), the list goes on. Naked twister, all sorts of fun shit.

 

What the fuck was I doing all these years?

 

Setbacks:

 Now for the dark part. There have been a couple of incidents when she got so upset that I wouldn't break frame and was STFU'ing that she physically started punching me and getting aggressive. We had been drinking and she has never done this in the 12 years we have been together but it was weird. She definitely bruised me up! I kept my cool but I have to admit this was shocking to me and I didn't know what to do at the time. I am still disturbed by it.

 

I sat her down and told her I do not accept her behavior, I would have left her for this if we hadn't been together so long and had two kids. That she hasn't done it in the 12 years we were together so I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. Plus I know I am making changes and she is frustrated (I didn't say this to her, just adding for context). Maybe I am going too fast. In one of the fights, she scuffed up my brand new Wolverines so I told her she was to give me $250 to buy a new pair. She did, along with a card explaining how sorry she was which I promptly hid in case things go South and I need proof of the reasons I left.

 

Divorce is always an option. I never would have said that 3 months ago.

 

So...

  A lot more has happened that I didn't include in this post, mostly positive, so thank you all. I read the posts daily and try to learn as many lessons as I can from the community. I can't tell you how much this has done for me in such a short time. From scarcity to abundance and outcome fear to outcome independence. All the suppression of my natural instincts I was shamed into... It's going away and I see that I can be free - a man. There is always work to do, I'm sure you will hear from me again. By no means have I finished my journey.

 

But if this is just the beginning... holy shit.

 

-ddp